bittersweet
April 7, 2009I’m trying not to show it, but I’m finding it really difficult to leave London. It’s getting closer now, and it’s getting harder.
I can’t imagine not walking down the streets of London, the open structure of shops and restaurants along the street. The red bus. The efficient tube (except the Circle Line). The nice flat. The amazing restaurants. Harrods. Oxford Street. Bond Street. Hyde Park. Odeon. Nando’s Bayswater. The countless lunches and dinners with friends.
But one thing that I dread the most is: leaving Dean behind.
It’s so scary to think about having a long distance relationship. The last one I had ended up in lies and cheatings, but I know I won’t have to go through that with Dean. I know we can do it, we’ve been through so much already. It’s not the strength of our love I’m worried about, it’s not the fear of us ever parting ways. But it’s the pain of missing him every second.
If I say he is the best boyfriend ever, it’s unprovable because of the impossibility of measuring such a thing. But if there ever was a measure, I’d be shocked not to see his name somewhere at the top of the list. You have no idea how good he is to me, how much he has proven his love for me, and how much I value this relationship, this friendship.
Young love, they say. But it’s much more than that. I know we’ll make it to the end. But it’s the waiting that sucks.
So, I admit, I’ve been trying to think of ways to delay my stay in London. I’ve applied for internships and even applied for Masters in Cass Business School, one of the best in London (and surprisingly, the only school that offers the course I wanted).
I’ve pondered long. And I’ve decided.
As much as I love Dean, my family needs me back. Now, or later, we still have to come to that road where we’ll be miles apart. So, trying to delay it won’t make much difference. Making my dad pay thousands of pounds for my extended stay in London would truly be selfish and heartless.
Dean is supportive of what I’ve decided. He knows how much my family means to me, but mostly he is sure. Sure of us, sure of our future. Distance might tear our bodies apart, but it won’t tear our love apart. We’ll just power through, and it’s the trust that’ll keep us going. Instead of being sad, we’ve decided to just be excited for the future, whatever it may be.
After deciding that, I received this email.
I got the offer.
Words cannot express my feelings right now. At this point, most people would be jumping up and down with relief and excitement, but that would be pointless for me. A part of me wishes I didn’t get the offer; it’s a lot less painful knowing that I had no choice.
This post stirred up quite a lot of emotions in me – sadness, especially. All the best to you. (Oh, this is just so sad!)
Sweetheart, hang tight. Long distance relationship makes the love stronger.. Especially when it’s true love. I’m in one and I have been with him for 5 years. We’re better when we’re apart
oh, you poor dear!! i completely understand how you feel about leaving ur home away from home.. went through it this time last year.. cried my eyes out for months.. stay strong, love!
and yea, i can attest to the fact that lond distance works!
mine worked when I was away for 3 years. Hard work and pain, but if anything, it made us stronger as a couple as we went through ups and downs together apart. We had to part when I got back (ironically) due to uncontrollable circumstances, which i don’t think you’d have a problem with. So yea! cheer up!!
all the best to you okay! ldr is hard but very common – u know it is when u say LDR and everyone understands it – and you will get through it. besides there are always flights! and u get to discover the joy of video calling! and the pain in the butt that is malaysian connection but that’s beside the point.
plus im sure if anything ever happens -IF okay IF – sof would kick dean’s butt for you ๐
Thanks for all the kind words, guys! This LDR is going to be a breeze *blows nails*.
๐