What happens to you when you have your period? Do you get moody? Or constantly hot? Or happy? Hormones are obviously raging up and down and women become unpredictable balls of emotions.

For me, I get tired. I just want to sleep and rest, undisturbed. I turn into an old grandma, with aching back and sleepy eyes. I become really boring and nothing gets me up.

Which is bad. Because my last law paper is this Tuesday and I’m nowhere near prepared.

So today I tried to trick my body into thinking it’s going shopping. My body forgot about the uncomfortable cycle in my insides, and the period pain did not come. God, this is too easy.

So anyway, morning came. I had a whole day of pampering to bribe my body to feel better so it will co-operate with my brain that wants to study. I had a manicure, I had a haircut, I had my eyebrows done. Just relaxed and let my body soak up all the pampering.

Then, I headed to Harrods. That’s when the adrenaline kicked in and I didn’t feel tired at all! Instead of me tricking my body, the joke was on me (and my bank account) because I bought so many clothes that I didn’t need, with the money I didn’t have. My body was the leader here, hand picking up whatever, and paying for whatever, while my brain just followed despite silently protesting.

I forgot all about my work, my books, my notes. Law, what??

Then, karma came.

Through a bird.

I was walking all happy with my Harrods bags, and suddenly, SPLATTTT!!!!

A bird shat on me.

A.

Bird.

Shat.

On.

Me.

It was green and thick and moist and wet, and absolutely disgusting. If I had walked slower or faster I would never have gotten shat on. So to have it spot on, accurately shitting ON ME, that has got to be a joke from God.

I put my sunglasses on, and marched home so quickly avoiding any eye contact. Thank god I was already on the road where I live.

So, I have learnt my lesson. I better study my butt off and not lose focus, or give in to my hormones. I need to give it my all for this last paper of my entire life.

As soon as I got home, the tired feeling came back. My body is such a pain!! As soon as it knows it’s no longer within 5 metre radius of a shop, it gets so tired and lifeless. Here I am, back in my pyjamas, writing to you. Feeling all lethargic again.

What is it with periods and hormones?

And what is it with birds not being potty-trained?!

Even with such bad luck, the first thing that came to my mind was “Thank God! Thank God it didn’t hit my white handbag, or my fresh-off-the-salon hair or my cost-an-arm shoes!” Even when I got shat on, I was still thanking God. Haha.