a letter to my late grandma

September 12, 2009


This was the last time I saw her. She was in the car at the airport, sending me off to UK, which she never usually does. I should’ve seen the sign.

Dearest Tok,

I had a dream that you told me you miss me.

I thought we had a deal that you weren’t going to haunt me in my sleep because I get scared very easily! Hehe.

Nonetheless, I knew you needed me, you needed all of us. And we’re all very sorry that we haven’t been there for you.

So I quickly took the Yasin and read for you. I told God to take care of you in heaven and not to put you through any suffering in the other realm. I cried to God to forgive any sins you might’ve committed in your lifetime; after all, you are only human.

I’m sure He listened to me, because I’ve been a very good girl lately. 🙂  I’ve fasted the whole month so far, Tok, you would’ve been proud!

Everyone in the family is good. Dad is very busy with work, but he talks about you all the time. Mom is good too, she’s taking care of Dad very well. Along has 2 kids now; a boy and a girl, and her husband wants a whole football team, so expect more updates from me.

As for me, I just graduated, and am working with none other than your dearest son. Oh, and I have a boyfriend now. A serious one. No, really. Hehe. He’s such a nice guy who treats our family with genuine respect, not like the other one you didn’t really approve of! Hehe. I’m sure you will love this one! And don’t worry, he’s not mat saleh, he’s Malay. You can lie back down now. Mom and Dad obviously like him, but they still treat him as my “friend” and nothing more “because nothing’s for sure”.

I know you haven’t seen Opah around there. That’s because she’s still alive! 🙂

Her eyesight and her hearing are still good, but she hunches a lot and she doesn’t have the energy to walk much. She thinks of you and prays for you everyday. She cries sometimes because she misses you and she feels guilty that you didn’t get to see your great-grandchildren, and she did. I’m sure you’re sad about that, but when they grow up, I’m sure Along will tell them what a legend you were in the family.

Opah and I visited your grave today. Poor Opah! She can’t even walk properly, but she still insists on visiting you often. See how much she loves you?



Your grave was a little messy, with bits of leaves around the side. So we cleaned it a little bit. You’re welcome.

Opah planted a little plant in front of your grave, which kind of obstructs the pathway. But she didn’t care, she said. She wants it to keep you shaded from the Sun. Yes, she thinks that little teeny weeny plant can protect you.

I poured water over your grave. I hope you felt the coolness on your body.

Well, Tok, that’s all the update I have for you for now. You take care up there, be good and don’t go scolding your neighbours for no reason. I hope they provide you with hair dye in heaven, because I know how much you hate your hair being grey. You’re so vain, like Dad.

We miss you here, and we’ll do our part to love you and shower you with good doa‘s from this realm. Just don’t come to me when I’m sleeping ok, I might faint!

I love you, Tok. And even after all these years, it still hurts not seeing you in the room downstairs.


Your granddaughter.

Read more about my Tok Dah here.