My colleagues and I were talking about the phenomenon that is Facebook.

Don’t you think it’s funny how we rely on Facebook on everythingggg now; dinner parties, weddings, funerals, friend updates, gossiping about who lost weight and who gained weight, showing off new handbags, and the nauseating kissing pictures of friends (yes, we know you’re a couple and you’re very happy!)

Sometimes I wonder what we did before Facebook came along.

I once told my dad about Facebook a few months back.

“Dad, you know, there’s this billionaire in his early 20s bla bla ….created this social networking arena online…..very rich…not very handsome….but very rich….he has billions just by creating this website.”

“What is this website all about?”

“Oh, you know…to know updates about your friends, upload pictures….”

“Nolah, don’t be silly. Cannot be billionaire just by doing something that simple.”

“I’m telling you!!! He’s famous!”

“Don’t believe everything you hear.”

OMG.

Explaining the concept of Facebook to a 59-year-old man is impossible.

“Why on earth would you show pictures of yourself on Facebook? Why you want to expose yourself to the public like that?”

“I don’t know…”

“Why can’t you just pick up the phone and call if you want to know something about your friend?”

“I don’t know….”

Come to think of it, the whole social world is changing. We’re relying so much on Facebook that our life is Facebook. Why is there a need to meet up with your friends anymore? You know everything there is to know about the person just by her profile; her pictures, her education, her friends, her boyfriend, her clothes, her handbags, her events, who came to her birthday party, where she had her birthday party, what she ate at her birthday party, what she ate at her friend’s birthday party.

There is nothing else to ask!

Sometimes, you’ll find yourself meeting up to talk about Facebook some more. “Eh, did you see her picture on Facebook??? Eh, did you get invited to that event?? Eh, did you know she cancelled her Facebook account? So stupid, right?!”

It’s not like we don’t know Facebook is running our life. It’s not like we don’t know it’s sad. But we just can’t help it! It’s our virtual Filofax! No more birthdays to remember; Facebook will remind you. No more events to miss; Facebook will remind you. No more old ugly pictures to throw away and forget about; Facebook will remind you. No more pictures of boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend who’s still calling him to throw darts at; Facebook will remind you of all that.

Facebook is so popular, even Prime Ministers around the world have accounts. You go “wowww” when you see their profile, but a few days later, your aunties and uncles will “add you as a friend” and you go “ohhh nooooo they didn’t!”. It’s hilarious to overhear conversations of 50 year olds saying “Oh, later you Facebook me OK? Come, we add each other now. I got Facebook mobile you know. You got or not?”

It’s just so not cool. My parents are banned from entering the Facebook world. I’m serious, Dad and Mom. No Facebook for you. And don’t go stalking me because I don’t have a Facebook account.  Uploading pictures of myself and telling everybody where I am – so not my style.

Ahem. Moving on…..

So, in conclusion, Facebook is the biggest voluntary telltale machine of all time. I mean, 78+ photo albums, personal info, relationship status, constant status updates, workplace and position in workplace, whether or not they’re happy at their workplace, what their boss made them do today, whether they’ve finished their assignment or not, “Which F.R.I.E.N.D.S. are you?” quiz scores, what type of a kisser they are, how many kids they will have in the future, Farmville pictures, shoe size, waist size, WHAT MORE DO YOU POSSIBLY WANT TO KNOW ABOUT ONE PERSON?!!

But just when I thought Facebook was the shiznit (HI, MARISSA! :)), they came up with Twitter.

*slaps forehead

Because apparently, all the useful and useless information listed above is simply not enough to fulfil the curious beings that are we.

Now, I honestly don’t have a Twitter account and I will not sign up until I understand what it is.

From what I know now, Twitter is nothing else but an updates center. Updating people on what you’re doing or your location or who you’re waiting for or what you’re eating for dinner. Likewise, people post their updates as well, so you can sleep well at night knowing that your friend just bought a new phone, or Lauren Conrad just finished a very fun but tiring photoshoot.

Forgive me for being blunt, but please educate me here.

What else does Twitter offer?

Because I can do all those updating business on Facebook. (which of course I would never do, Mom and Dad, because I don’t have a Facebook account)