Here I am, at the kitchen table.
About to have one of the last sahurs this year.
I can’t believe Ramadhan is going to be over. It definitely amazes me how time flies.
I look back and reflect whether or not I’ve done the month some justice.
I’ve fasted fully, but I missed a few tarawihs. I try to perform the prayers at home, but some days I’m just too sleepy to function.
I wanted to khatam Quran (finished reading the Quran) for the 2nd time by myself, but I’ve got quite a few pages left that I don’t think I can finish before Ramadhan finishes.
So I guess my goals weren’t achieved this year. But to be fair, I’m only starting to care about all these sunat (non-mandatory) stuff this year, so I’m hoping it will be a progressive thing and I’ll only improve in the years to come.
Despite popular belief that people actually lose weight during Ramadhan, I know I’ve gained some. I feel so heavy these days and I stuff my face so much. I have this fear that I’ll be hungry throughout the day, so I tend to fill my stomach to my throat in the morning. It doesn’t work. It only makes me feel sick and bloated (and I’m still hungry throughout the day!).
My conversation with Stella, who’s left me for London, goes like this:
Stella: School has been so busy, I don’t even have time to eat!
Me: Oh, that’s good. One of us has to stay thin. At the rate I’m going, the universe needs you more than ever. *I say while stuffing my face with bread, noodles, fruits, currypuffs and a few bottles of mineral water*
Stella: Stop eating, you’re worrying me.
After feeling a bit sick and making lots of trips to the loo, I realise I have misinterpreted the meaning of Ramadhan.
It’s about abstaining. From not just food, but bad behaviour. It teaches us to be patient, to not be greedy, and understand the hardship of unfortunate people who don’t have access to food or water.
It’s also about moderation, teaching us to do everything in moderation. Eating, shopping, sleeping. Too much of something isn’t good. I kind of believe that now because I could’ve saved so much money not buying a gazillion handbags I don’t even wear anymore. Or the same top in different colours. Or going to pasar Ramadhan everyday to buy so much food that go to waste.
It’s too bad I’m realising all this at the very end of Ramadhan!
Could’ve lost a kilo or two. Pfft.
But it’s never too late.
I could remind myself of all this when the next Ramadhan comes. But even better, I could try and emulate this Ramadhan concept in my everyday life.