the un-expected

October 19, 2009 • 5 comments • 791 views

OK, there are things you should never EVER do.

Like talk with your mouth full. Or walk under a ladder. Or get involved with a married man. Or buy anything from a rude salesperson. Or wear clashing patterns together.

But one thing you must never do is ask a person “So when are you due?”, nodding at her belly.

Because 80% of the time, they’ll just give you a death stare and say “I’m not pregnant” or “I’m not even married.”

And then both of you will feel like ^%&*, her feeling like the fattest person on earth and you, for embarrassing yourself and hurting someone. For God’s sake, we all have fat and bloated days, and we know we look pregnant ok?? Do we have to wear a big fat “Not Pregnant” label on our foreheads?!

I have (had…we’ll see...) a friend who did the most embarrassing thing to a poor innocent lady.

There were only 3 seats left at some event, and there were 2 ladies who went up to her and said, “It’s just the 2 of us. The other person isn’t coming.” My friend said, “Aww it’s ok, another person is coming,winking to the slightly chubbier lady, looking at her belly.

She could’ve just stopped at that.

But no.

That wasn’t enough embarrassment for her.

Instead, she lifted her hand and reached for the lady’s belly…..and rubbed it.

For a good five seconds.

Only to realise that the lady’s tummy wasn’t hard. It was soft like jelly.

(I almost peed with laughter hearing this story)

The lady was horrified, and my friend (former friend…we’ll see) was soooo embarrassed.

Now she could’ve apologised profusely and bought the person apology flowers the next day. And again the day after.

Instead, she said awkwardly, “Errr…I….I have to go.”

Ungluing her hand from the lady’s not-a-baby-in-there belly, she made a run to the exit.

Almost all of the similar stories I’ve heard involves a lady wearing empire-cut. So lesson learnt. No more babydoll tops or dresses for us!