and there goes my dinner

November 19, 2009

I am proud to say that amongst the Ducks, we have a future doctor.

Dr. Pot.

pot2

Well, she’s already a doctor to me because she diagnoses my every snot and bump, from the colour to the texture, and then tells me I might have cancer if my snot is green or my bump is well bumpy. Stupid girl.

Right now, she’s in the obstetrics department. (of course I knew what that meant before she told me *coughs*..) and we get all sorts of stories about people giving birth.

I won’t take away your appetites for dinner (or in my case, next day breakfast and next day lunch as well) but omgggg can we please not give birth?!! Can somebody plsssss invent some new technology that we can just pee out a baby in liquid form, and it will grow by itself?

I wanna cry. It’s so scaryyyy!! Men are so lucky.

We were all entertained by her FB msg today:

I’m so sick of *flowers*

(not in those exact words. I used the word flower here as a polite subsitute, but you all know what I’m talking about. If you don’t, just look down south)

here *flowers*, there *flowers*, everywhere *flowers flowers flowers*… seriously. all stretching and bleeding and tearing. sigh. luckily the babies are worth it

Foooh now that’s a lot of flowers injected in our heads.

I stupidly asked:

Err pot, did it look like it really hurt? Did you ask the women?

Unprepared for the horror stories from her….here goes…:

I must tell you guys the horror stories of the labour room. So kesian la the poor women.

AND BEEK (their pet name for me), I DON”T HAVE TO ASK THE WOMEN IF IT HURTS. The contractions get more frequent, more painful, and last longer as labour progresses. Then now imagine your uterus trying to push a grapefruit through a hole with the diameter of an egg (or at least, what USED TO BE the diameter of an egg)..

grapefruit

I can’t look at grapefruits the same way again

Your *flower* wall is tearing, your perineum is stretching, the nurse is screaming at you TERAN! TERAN! YOU NAK BABY YOU LEKAT DEKAT SINI KE?! BABY YOU LEMAS NANTI! TERAAAAAAN! HOI! JANGAN JERIT! KAU DIAM! TERAAAAN.! KALAU BABY YOU MATI JANGAN BLAME I! TERAN! HOI! SIAPA SURUH KAU ANGKAT PUNGGUNG! LETAK PUNGGUNG YOU! PEGANG BUKU LALI! PEGANG! NOW, TERAAAAAN!..at this point your perineum is gonna tear, and without warning the doctor CUTS your bloody *flower* WITHOUT giving painkillers (thinking you’re in so much pain from pushing, that you won’t realise him cutting the area between your *flower* and your a-nus *giggles immaturely*)…

And omg i won’t even go into what happens AFTER you deliver.

The birth of a child is supposed to be beautiful. not with ppl screaming at you. the labour room nurses and drs in the govt sector are very experienced, and efficient… but they don’t tolerate any nonsense. you can’t even scream.

I have so many stories for you guys.

I don’t want to hear those stories, thank you, Pot.

Just surprise me when the time comes, God.

Sofia then typically replied,

I’m getting a C-section. I’m too posh to push. Beek, is that thai restaurant behind Holborn station any good?

How can you even think about eating after what Pot said, you psycho!!

This would be nice, wouldn’t it?

birth