A new year should be a newly improved us.

This doesn’t mean drastic change, but we should reflect on our mistakes and make minor changes for the better.

Many would agree with me if I say a woman’s liability is her mouth. We women tend to hold grudges for longer than normal, and will seek vengeance. More often than not, this would be by badmouthing each other; or in a simpler term – gossip.

Try not to let it bother you because if you see the bigger picture, it’s such a small thing. And more often than not, you don’t even have to do anything and it just backfires on the gossiper. For example, someone I was once close to told some guys (who unbeknown to her were close to me), one of whom she just met. And started telling unkind words about me.

Which is fine. That’s her prerogative.

BUT her mistake was that she started talking bad about other girls too and spilling out secrets like nobody’s business.

What is she doing, digging her own grave like that?!

I mean, seriously, you shouldn’t talk bad about anyone in the first place, but if you really really must, know your audience. Because it WILL get back to the other person. And it’s fine if you intended it to, but the joke’s on you, because these people will judge you.

They even told me, “Wasn’t she your really good friend last time? She said such mean things about you and made you sound ridiculous. And not just you, but so many of her other friends as well! She might even do that to us! How can we trust her?”

And on another occasion, the same person went and told my good friend about me. And of course I got the report, and she said, “I don’t know what her problem is, seriously! She’s just so bitter. You know so much about her too, and I don’t see you going to strangers to badmouth her!”

I rest my case.

And I didn’t have to do a thing!

I’m not upset that she said things about me. I just feel really sad that she had to resort to this, not realising the image she’s creating for herself. She was after all a good friend who’s been there for me, just as I have been there for her.

So I’m reminding all us ladies to think about long term consequences. Short term is that yeah your friend will form bad opinion about the girl you’re gossiping about. So you succeeded there. But one day, karma will come and let those 2 people meet and your friend might end up liking the poor girl. And then you’ll be the bad guy. This always happens.

Everyone has a good and bad side. And more often than not, the bad side are the mistakes they made in their lives, and it is downright nasty to embarrass them further by opening the history box. If you keep harping on something that happened yonks ago, that makes you look really childish in the sense that you haven’t moved on from it when the rest of the world has.

Sometimes you just can’t help but say something when you’re really really geram at someone, but try to confide in your family more than anyone else because honestly, no one else cares about you more than your own blood.

And try to be a better person by practising these (I’m reminding myself too, especially for the new year!):

• If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything.
• And whenever you look at a person, try to focus on their good side because more often than not, this side goes unnoticed.
• Always ask yourself, “Would I like it if someone did this to me?” or “If I’m the other person, would I like me right now?”
• Remember that you can’t control people’s mouths. They are allowed to talk about you and they won’t stop, so just let it go. The key is that YOU don’t reciprocate, because honestly, there are better things to fill your time. Go and focus on your exams or job or something.
• Don’t use your friends’ secrets as leverage. That’s just an ultimate low.
• The “he said she said” game is so high school. Even if a person accuses you or lies, you’re allowed to deny it, but don’t overdo it with all sorts of explanations. Really, you don’t have to justify yourself to anybody except your family. Don’t look too desperate trying to defend yourself, because honestly, nobody cares about you more than you do.
• Remember that people secretly form opinions on you on every action and word that you do or utter. They might agree or seem nice, but inside might be a whole different story. So take care of your good image.
• Just be a nice person and don’t meddle into people’s lives.

I don’t think it to be sooooo wrong to give statements like “She just got married” or “They broke up”.  But be careful. Once you say, “….And I think….”, you’re in danger zone. There’s a difference between “I heard” and “I think”. The former is just the fact that you’re CNN, spreading news about people. But the latter is the one that will get you in trouble. Stop giving your opinions on others. Why do you think your opinion matters anyway? I always remind myself, “What does it have to do with me whatever they do? They never disturbed my life.”

Sorry for bombarding you! Hehe.

This was actually all spurred by this email I got this morning. It was an eye-opener.

Someone will always be prettier.

Someone will always be smarter.

Some of their houses will be bigger.

Some will drive a better car.

Their children will do better in school

And their husband will fix more things around the house.

Just let it go, and love you and your circumstances

Think about it!

The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.

The most highly favoured woman on your job may be unable to have children.

The richest woman you know, she’s got the car, the house, the clothes~ might be lonely.

So, love who you are.

Happy new year, ladies!!!

May this year be a “less talk, more action” year for us!!!

May God give us and our families a blessed 2010!