Last weekend, I cooked witnessed the cooking of rendang tok, a Malay delicacy usually eaten with lemang.

It’s safe to say that I will never cook rendang tok in my life.

Unless someone threatens to kill me if I don’t cook it, for whatever stupid psycho reason.

IT WAS SO TEDIOUS! The mixing bit was really easy, can do with closed eyes (chehhh…). The only downside is that your fingers will smell of spices for a while. Hence why I didn’t touch it. Hehe. Hmmm…why didn’t anyone think to use a spoon to mix it?

The hard part was the cooking part. The simmering beef rendang cannot be left alone. You have to constantly mix it, and you’ll probably be done with not only this week, but next week’s arm exercise too.

It took THREE HOURS to cook this. If one person did it, she’d probably be too tired to use her hands to eat afterwards. I know if I did it alone, I’d probably go “Screw this” and turn the stove off.

But anyway, for you ambitious and extremely rajin people out there, I’ll share the recipe here. Please forgive me because I don’t really know the measurements of each ingredient. They just threw everything together and added more as they went along, so it was difficult to gauge the exact measurements (or even the steps!).

1. Mix these ingredients together;

Lengkuas, halia, bawang putih, bawang merah, serai, kerisik, kelapa potong, kayu manis, jintan manis, jintan putih, bunga cengkih, bunga lawang, gula gabung, belacan, buah pelaga, gula, garam, air asam jawa.

Wah, look at me go with all my Malay words!! *bows with pride* Told you guys I was Malay. I got A2 for BM okkkk?! Would’ve gotten A1, but the examiner was probably PMS-ing. Pfftt.

I bet Dean doesn’t even know what the hell I’m talking about. And Sofia is probably googling “belacan” as she reads this.

Basically, just mix together whatever you find in the kitchen. Chocolate sauce? Sure, why not. Everything else is in there anyway.

2. Add the mixture to the beef.

3. Add lots of coconut milk (full fat, please) until it becomes a pool of calories.

4. Put the pool of calories on a stove.

Preferably in an open space, because the wok is huge and there will be splatters of hot oil everywhere. Best put on the floor. And best not to wear white (*looks at expensive white shirt with yellow dots everywhere…sigh… polka dots is “in” again right?*)

5. Do this for three hours. Breathe in breathe out. Don’t start swearing.

Change positions as you will get butt cramps.

It will slowly dry up until it becomes proper rendang tok (which is black in colour). Amazing isn’t it how it turns into such a dark colour?

Yes, I know. It looks like something unpleasant, but my god, it was soooooo yummy!!!! So yummy that I would hire somebody to make this for me.

Now that I’ve experienced the whole rendang tok production, I feel more Malay than ever! 🙂 Maybe I’ll even start blogging in Malay hehehe. OK, let’s not get too excited.

Tengok lah macam mana.

Baiklah, saya mahu makan dinner sekarang.

HAHAHAHA.