ladies and careers
August 14, 2010 • 21 comments • 1777 viewsCareer has a funny relationship with us ladies.
We want it all (the high-flying career), but then reality hits when our partners call to ask what’s for dinner. I don’t have to be married to know all this; I see it happening everywhere.
It’s easy to say we can juggle both; career and family. But women are undeniably expected to take on many responsibilities. Fair or unfair, feminist or not, whatever la k….we have uteruses, men don’t. Bottom line is; baby wants milk.
It scares me just a little bit when I reallyyyy think about what happens after marriage. In Islam, your husband is your king…not your boss, not your dad, not your client. So if your husband tells you he doesn’t want you to work, you jolly well watch E! at home (hmmm…doesn’t sound so bad actually…hehe). Sometimes some lucky ones have understanding husbands who aren’t demanding, but no matter what, the wife will always feel guilty knowing that her husband is home and she is still in the office.
I foresee myself travelling frequently for the next few years and I have no idea how a family can fit in this arrangement. When I’m told that I have to travel somewhere tomorrow, it’s so simple; I just get my bags and go because I don’t have any other responsibilities.
But those with a family, is it fair for the family if the wife/mom to leave her family behind? As for the working lady, is it fair to deny her from flourishing in something she loves?
Sorry I know the pixelating is annoying, but I have to for professional reasons.
I’m enjoying my career life and I would hate if that is taken away from me once a ring is put on my finger. At the same time, I would loveee to have a happy family. And I know a lot of people with this exact sentiment, who put off marriage in fear of losing their career.
Is it possible for us ladies to be greedy?
I just want to know; how do working wives and moms do it?!?! Teach us single ladies, will ya?!
P/s: This post has NOTHING to do with me getting married, I am simply just curious! Haha. Don’t get any ideas.
y dont u invite ur sis to write on it?surely she’s one good example.another guest blogger
they always say, woman can only be successful in either one. career or family. there’s never a 2 in 1 jackpot. this post made me think pd. well can i juggle both in the future?
i’ve always have this thought when i was your age… i thought career would come first and that if i do get married, i would want to be able to manage everything. i had a really good career and climbed the corporate ladder really quick. got married, still was very passionate about my high-flying job until i was 4-5 months pregnant and realised that i want to enjoy life the way i should, and not be a slave to anyone (of course, with you, it may be different since you work for your dad and not a total stranger). now, i work part time from home where i am free to decide if i’d want to accept jobs from specific people yet be a total slave to my demanding baby. it’s a fulfilling job too you know.
i would say, enjoy your life now and not to worry too much about the future. you will learn to deal with it all once you reach that stage. things can change and your priorities will too. just do your best and live passionately, and you will definitely know what to do when the time comes.
Sometimes I think of that, too. I’m only 18 ok? But I suppose in the end, no matter what, I want a happy family more than anything cos I’m all loving that way! I like making people happy so being a housewife actually wouldn’t be that much of a burden for me. I’d enjoy it.
Buuut, I’d spend a good 5 yrs or so climbing up the career ladder.
This would be an issue for me too, I guess. Since I’m studying medicine and looking at doctors – which new doctors aren’t busy? With the sleepovers at the hospitals and shifts and all. Even my friends told me that us female (future)doctors are only fit to marry a doctor as well, cause only he would understand the work demands etc judging from his divorced uncle who’s wife couldn’t understand the long hours and all. Who wants a broken marriage right?
And quit our jobs? Malaysia don’t have that much doctors either. Hmm. But yeah Mak Batin is right, you should ask your sister to share experiences. Heheh.
Oh… this is easy. If you want to keep your career while raising a family, get a MAID.
🙂
However, you’ll soon realize what’s more important in life.. and who’s the boss. Kids change everything.
At that point, you’ll discover who you are as a person (You think you know everything about yourself, wait till you have kids). You’ll know what to do and you’ll try to make it work – no matter what you decide (career, family, or both).
But… in all this… never ever… forget about… your husband.
Hehehe…
thank god u r in those pictures to put some colour into it hehe.
PD,
i am facing the exact problem, right now! and i don’t know what to do… i am tossing and turning and still cannot decide…
i love my work.. but it is so stressful so i have problem conceiving and retaining the pregnancy, but a miracle happen and now i am soon to be in my 2nd trimester…alhamdullilah..
with all the morning sickness, hormone changes makes me go haywire and ppl at work has not been making it easy for me..recently my boss even ask me to resign because all my medical leaves and my conditions is ruining the momentum…sob sob sob..
i am so torn in between, my hubby thinks resigning is not a bad idea after all… since it is about time to focus on family… i understand but at the same time i do want to keep my job…
if anyone have a solution, do share…thanks
It was something that had played in mind before too, until I started working with my current boss. She’s the head of my department in an investment bank, happily married with 4 kids.
No easy feat to be in her shoes, she travels a lot for work, and of course pressure comes from all directions to make your head spins.
Granted she has 2 maids to help her out (I can’t find fault with that, I would go for that too if I can afford it!), but I think what’s key to her success in balancing work and family is a very understanding husband and knowing her priorities.
She’s ever busy but my colleagues and I know that come her kids’ school holidays, she’ll be taking 2-3 weeks off for a family holiday every year, without fail. One holiday with just her husband, and one with the whole family (and a maid. Lucky maids, between the 2 of them they’ve been to a LOT of international destinations!)
Sometimes she would take her older kids to work so they can understand what mummy does when she’s away from them, and I think when she does have the time to spend with them, she makes sure that it really counts.
She’s luckier than most for sure, for being able to afford to do this (did I mention 2 Filipino maids??), but it wouldn’t have worked anyway if she didn’t have the right attitude and priorities.
Sorry for the lengthy comment, I found her case to be such a revelation when I started working with her, thought I’d share it!
Right now I’m focusing on my career. I’ve spent 4 years studying hard to get an engineering degree. I do not want to throw it away and leave it behind because of marriage.
hi pd.. i’ve been your silent reader for sooooo long. But this silent-ness couldn’t help me to be silent with this post hehe…
well.. i’m a wife,a working lady,a mom and a student at the same time. Life is M.I.S.E.R.A.B.L.E at times.. we don’t have maid as the scary-ness of having it is on top of the needs.
Career is very subjective but adjustable.. i do agreed with azmir, KIDS change everything in life. But doesn’t mean a FAMILY will kill your career or the other way round.. somehow the needs of LIVING would never stop your intention to work for the better comfort of your family.Some people are lucky that they do not have to work hard to excel.. but some ppl might think twice or many-many times to leave their job or not. Live balance by these TWO (CAREER + FAMILY).
But being in between of them, CAREER and FAMILY are really wonderful pd 🙂 you got to prove to your kids that how importance to be a good mom and… a CAREER lady, this will motivate them.
You don’t have to worry much, the journey of your career has just started and it is interesting… explore them to the fullest.
CAREER + FAMILY = BALANCE QUALITY TIME
SHORT STORY :
(Knocking your house door, and it’s opened by a tiny hand,your daugther is standing in front of you with her straight face)
MOTHER : Hi Honey!*Smiled sweetly*
DAUGTHER :*Silent*
FATHER : Who is that baby?
DAUGTHER :… I don’t know dad, there is a stranger at the door!
As long that the above story is yet happen in our real life, us, the ladies are still safe. HEHE.
im a mother of 4, 18, 16, 12 & 6 year old
somehow, i managed to do it, with a career and with a husband who travels outstation, sometimes (thank god!).
somehow, we women will manage. Yes, i spend a bit less time on myself but as long as the family is happy, im happy.
And I never had the assistance of a maid, my hubby prefers it just us.
of course, everything changes once u’r married, your time isn’t all yours.. specially we Muslim wives, must always have the permission of our darling husbands and he should always be informed of our whereabouts. When we marry, all those are our responsibilities and we must abide, like it or not, we whom decide to marry must make it work.
http://borneolove.blogspot.com/
when i was single, i just wanted to concentrate on my career, work, get a lot of money and enjoy life to the fullest..
i even planned not to marry until i’ve at least, own a house or drive my dream car.. hehe
but things didnt go that way.
my marriage was “arranged” and im now happily married with my hubby. having children, makes me feel like i wanna quit job and take care of my two kids.. i just hate the facts that the babysitter or someone else notices their milestone; before i do.. hehe
working and taking care of kids at the same time is very tiring. but we’re supermommy PD.. u will be very bz to hv time for urself. but u surely can take a day off for spa/ going out/ movie.. or few days off for a vacation without them.
if there’s need to travel, i’ll surely bring them along.. 🙂 bring mom/maid/hubby so that they can look after the babies while u r working.
Hi PD. U can have both, u just need to prioritize & adapt. I agree with what the other readers have said, kids changes you. I’m a working mom with 3 little boys -> 2 yrs old triplets boys to be exact, and I don’t have maids. Life is pretty hectic for me. Where & when possible, I make adjustments & try my best to balance both career & family. Alhamdulillah, I’ve changed job so I don’t have to travel or work late through the nite anymore. If i have to make a choice between my career & my kids, my kids will always come first coz to me being a mom is the most fulfilling & rewarding “career” dunia & akhirat. But that said, I don’t think i’ll ever quit my job/stop working coz then i’d get bored, don’t hv my own money to go on shopping spress & go totally nuts hehe 🙂 Anyways, here’s something I read from a James Patterson book & I think it is sooo true:
“Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling a number of balls: work, family, health, friends, spirit and integrity.
You’re keeping all of them in the air but one day you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball; if you drop it, it bounces back.
The other balls are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be scuffed, nicked, chipped, perhaps even irrevocably shattered.
Once you truly understand the lesson of the balls, you will have the beginnings of balance in your life.”
haha last sentences tu mmg penutup cis i dh terimagine ur wedding ceremony hahaa..
if peps ask me what i’m doing now, my answer would be
i’m a mother
agree part kids change everything. now i sebok uruskan kedai, byk kali skip dinner and paling sedih tak sempat nk buka puasa sama2 tp alhamdulillah dpt husband yg understanding but paling penting i provide time to cook, family trip & kemas rumah! haha
whenever my job required for outstation, I bring my MIL,FIL and my two kids (both 4 yrs and 2 yrs). Both of them are exclusively breastfed.
My hubby’s working time is flexible. sometimes he joining us or arrange his working time to be with us as well.
for me outstation means going vacation. I never left my children overnight.
but, I wonder how it could be when they start going to school?
i’m working in IT line and often come back late…i don’t have kids yet but i seriously dunno how can i handle it in future…masa nak layan kucing pun takde…sigh…
THANK YOU FOR SHARING GUYS!! really interesting to read each one of your comments. lavender, i would like to travel like you! hehe.
bukan ppuan shj dalam dilemma. lelaki pon sama. as for me, i always believe,men should hv enough money, enough saving, stable life before get involve in any relationship. so in the future, life wont be so complicated, create any possible option instead of wandering why, how or what. it’s all about option in our life.
there’s a saying i used to heard; “behind every successful man, there is a woman”. now i wonder what’s there ‘behind’ every successful women..
That’s why i really respect wanita yang bekerja and a wife/mother at the same time & NO maid to handle all the kerja rumah, anak-anak dan sebagainya. Tak tau la macam mana diorang buat..
And oh, i agree with one of the comments above. U ada je dalam gambar, mesti ceria gambar tu 🙂