change of heart

June 1, 2011

We’ve all been to weddings and there is no wedding that isn’t a happy occasion. People laughing, bride and groom holding hands, everyone’s on Cloud 9 mood except the parents who’ve just spent a bomb on something of 3 hours.

But that’s just on one night of their marriage.

They’ve got a gazillion more days to go. And some days are going to be rocky.

More and more now, we’re seeing divorce cases in the papers and it’s really scary. What is it about that bond that just kills all the romance? Cheating husbands, complacent wives, abusive partners, what is going on? Pre-marriage, it’s all about being in love and I’m sure no one would give themselves to a person for eternity had they known their partners had all these suspicious traits. So it must be the case that marriage turned them into something else.

Was it because they didn’t have enough fun and rushed into marriage? I find that ridiculously stupid, but some people actually use that excuse. I find men like that sound like 10 year olds. They should really grow balls. You make your bed, you lay in it. Everyone’s in it together. Husband, wife. You lean on each other in good and bad times, and mature together. It should be a step forward, not looking back at your clubbing days and wanting that as well. You can’t have both! Carefree childish fun AND having to be a good Muslim leader to a Muslim family. Are you nuts?

I’ve even heard of a guy cheating on his pregnant wife, and on the day of her labour, he said to her, “I’m leaving you. I’m sorry.” and just walks out of her life without seeing the newborn child. The wife had to go through labour and confinement alone, and he doesn’t even bother giving nafkah. You impregnate her, she gets a bit fat during her pregnancy, you go find someone else to have fun with and you leave your wife. Does he regret it? Hell no, he is now living with his new girlfriend. He has definitely moved on and is happier than ever, without realising what an asshole he still is. And that’s really sad when you’ve come to a state that you don’t even realise you’ve done something HORRIBLE.

Another story I’ve heard is a guy turning to booze, weed and girls to fill his time. When he travels overseas, he checks into a hotel with a girl. And this guy’s got kids who look up to him. If only they knew! He’s come to a point where he’s a bit lost in life and doesn’t know what he wants. Uh, dude…if you’re not even sober and surrounded by substances, it’s pretty difficult to even walk straight let alone plan out your life. I mean, primary school 101, hello.

Does marriage really change a person?

Put yourself in these women’s shoes. If your husband who you adore and love and spend your time raising his kids suddenly look to you and says, “I got married too early” or “I’ve found someone else”, what on earth do you do then? Worse still if you’re a Muslim, and your heartless husband continues his ways, having private prostitutes/girlfriends + booze party getaways with friends, yet refuses to divorce you. (In Islam, divorce is solely the husband’s right, unless you want to contest it in court…not sure about other religions)

I never wish this on me or anyone in this world to suffer like that. But the reality is that there are a lot of hung marriages like that where the husband is selfish and wants the best of both worlds. And then who gets AIDS? The innocent wife, of course. Someone should really smack their heads off. I wonder if there’s any way that the wife can get away from husbands like these in Islam? I heard it’s really difficult for the wife to get a divorce on these grounds, but come on….clearly unfit to be a leader of a family, don’t you think? I’m sure Islam recognises that!