Yesterday, I went for a talk “How to Be A Good Buddy?” organised by YMP. I’m a pretty swell friend la, let’s face it. *yawn* So let’s just say I only accompanied my 2 bffs Toots and Asma’ (she’s back for a couple of days). They have quite a bit to catch up on the friendship subject. HAHAHA.
At the talk, the Sheikh asked us to look at one another and say I Love You. I turned to Toots and said I love you. She said Ok that’s enough. I turned to Asma’ and she turned to me. “Ummm, let’s just bb each other I love you, ok?”
They should’ve stayed back for extra classes.
It was a pretty good talk. Even if we already know how friendship works, it’s quite important to be reminded.
I took down some important points to share with you guys:
1) Love your friends by virtue of them being Muslims. Love them because they love Allah, just like you. Tell them you love them.
(I LOVE YOU!)
2) It’s haram to fight and not speak for more than 3 days. Put down that ego and be the bigger person.
3) There’s a hadith that says if you don’t speak for more than a year, it’s just like spilling blood of your Muslim brother.
(Man, imagine if you have like thousands of friends on Facebook. DELETE them quick! Hehe.. I’m kidding!)
4) Don’t be jealous of one another. Be happy for them, jealousy and envy only causes hatred and division.
5) Don’t spoil the deal of another brother/sister.
If he’s selling something at RM 1, don’t interrupt and sell the same thing at 50 cents. Let him go through with his deal first. If it doesn’t happen, then you can come into the picture. Basically, don’t cut his rezeki if he got it first.
6) Your Muslim brother/sister is your mirror. If there’s any haram characteristic, give good advice and correct it as if it’s you.
7) Take care of his good image.
E.g. don’t advise/tell him off in public. If you do that, you just want everybody to know his mistakes or to show them you’re “good”. Talk to him in private, that shows you really care about him and there’s nothing in it for you.
8 ) Do not backbite / talk behind his back, even if it’s true.
As soft as the tongue is, it is strong enough to destroy friendship. If it’s true, it’s ghibah (thank you fyra for the correction). If it’s wrong, it’s slander. Either way, it’s haram.
9) If you have a really stubborn friend who is doing wrong, make doa for him in your prayers.
10) Don’t feel that you’re unqualified to give advice. If everyone felt this way, no one could give advice or talks. In fact, a person who has sinned would be in a better position to advise as he’s gone through it before.
11) Honor your husband/wife’s friends like your own.
Suddenly Asma’s phone beeped. A text from B who’s sitting elsewhere, “Damn. I’ve got to honor Vivy!” Aahhhhh sweet love, let the honoring begin! Go get me a drink, go.
One of the easiest sins we humans can make is…..ta-da…. GOSSIP = Talk about people = spread stories about them, even if true.
I won’t go far, I’ll just look at myself first. *raise hands* I’m guilty of it.
How many times have we heard or even said “Omg you guys, you know what happened just now…….”
That’s a warning sign already that a gossip session is about to take its session.
Sigh. Listening to this talk made me want to repent straight away. I would never make up stories about people, but I am guilty of sometimes passing on true stories to my closest people, simply because it’s a “juicy” story and I can’t hold it in. Or someone did something really mean and I just want to let out my frustrations by venting out to a trusted friend.
We’re human beings, we can’t help it sometimes.
We have to at least try to refrain ourselves!
Try to stop ourselves from tweeting vulgar things like “Shut up, you censor censor censor censor. I hate you.” or spilling the beans of someone you barely know.
I have come across so many instances that someone tells me something bad about person A who I have never met. Then fate would have it that A and I meet and I find that she is nothing like what people said about her. But even if she was, who cares? It is so dangerous when people put poison in our minds already, influencing our impression on the person we don’t even know! How unfair is that? We all have our own minds to see people’s characters on our own. “Only stupid people will believe what others say about someone without seeing it for themselves,” Dean mentioned once.
I live in a society that thrives on drama and trust me, it’s not easy to tear yourself away from this. What are you going to do? Stick in earplugs once a known gossiper opens her mouth? Islam would teach us to actually tell our friends, “Dey, enough enough. Let’s not talk about who she dated and whether or not she married because she got knocked up. It’s not nice and it doesn’t change anything in our lives.”
The Sheikh said something that helped me understand this better.
On a very hot day, a guy turns to his friend and complains repeatedly “Oh wow, it’s such a hot day today!” The friend just looked at him, “You complaining won’t make the day any cooler. So stop complaining and let’s just deal with it.”
That’s so spot on, it’s funny!!
When someone tells a juicy story about how horrible some person is, this, that, it doesn’t make the horrible person any nicer.
So if it’s not to satisfy our need to have society approval, why else would we gossip?
Time to stop now.
Let’s be better human beings and cleanse our hearts.
To new leaves!