finding my way

October 27, 2013 • 83 comments • 6150 views

I was in front of the mirror getting dressed in the morning when my phone beeps with an email.

“I don’t like how you look now,” a blog reader emails.

And there I was, holding a pin in one hand and my scarf on the other, trying to so hard to figure out why I can’t keep the scarf looking neat. Sigh. I put the pin down for a second and stare at myself in the mirror, thinking why is it that everyday I get hits about my headscarf and how they don’t like how I dress anymore. Well that’s one side. The other extreme is emails and comments that read “Delete your old pictures.” and “Your pants are still too tight.” and “I can still see your toes.” And this was on Day 2 of me wearing it.

Having a blog and somewhat being in the public eye, I knew I would get people who like but also people who hate, especially when there’s a major change to what they’re used to. And then there are people who will just hate, no matter what. I totally get that and I have been enduring that these past few years anyway but nowadays, the mixed response is more than ever.

I was quite nervous to make this change and my friends know how much I’ve been delaying the sermon of the headscarf. I’ve been struggling to adhere to this one Islamic rule for yearssss, giving all sorts of excuses but at the same time I kept praying to God to open my heart and make it easy for me to do good in His name. The life-changing moment for me was literally a split second when I decided “Alrighty, let’s do this.” Outside of my family, no one else knew. And that feeling struck after I read one blog reader’s email. I shall share it when I’m ready.

And even with the confidence to change, I still prayed to God to continue making it easy for me. I really expected me to miss my hair or feel anything when I look at my older pics, but my goodness, I was so surprised when I actually smiled thinking Gosh I miss eating at that place instead of Danggg my hair looked good there. Haha! I was also surprised that when I see pictures of gorgeous girls, my first thought is Wow, that hairstyle suits her! instead of Man I wish I could look like that too. So far, Alhamdulillah, I’m finding myself pretty strong in keeping the headscarf and I don’t know what the big deal was all these times!

Having said that, I’m still struggling to find my signature style that can suit all; work, events and most important of all, breastfeeding. Since my scarf collection at home is still tiny, I am stuck to the same style that I was taught. I get so many “You look just like Asma’ there!” because I wear my headscarf like hers since that’s the only way I know how! I guess I should buy more headscarves and look up some tutorials to find out what’s out there. Since I’m so picky about keeping a simple and clean style, don’t be surprised if I stick to this one for a while. Haha.

Anyway, here’s a hijab joke.

Bad hijab days. Haha!