a moment of defeat

November 23, 2013

Today, I let syaitan influence me and I wish there was a pepper-spray to shoo them away.

I’m going to be completely honest and tell you that today I had a moment of weakness. I’ve been superrrr tired this week because Daniel isn’t really sleeping through the night and I admit I haven’t been the most fun person to be around. And who do I let it out on? Why, my lucky man who sleeps next to me, of course! The closest target. Hehe.

It’s normal for husband and wife teams to argue and pick fights with each other, but I try my best to avoid doing this. I know Dean has so many others things to think about as the leader of the family, and which husband would appreciate a wife who nags and nags all the time. And worse, make comparisons to other husbands. But today I did that. I actually uttered the words “But X and Y did this recently. I’ve had a horrible week, why can’t you show some appreciation and do the same for me?”

After I said that, I wanted to slap myself. I am not a person who likes to compare. In fact, I always tell people everyone is different and it’s so so dangerous to generalize and compare one to another. That’s when all envy and jealousy starts, when people start comparing. So I have always been against that. I felt so defeated by syaitan. Through the thin air and invisible to the human senses, I know I made them so happy that they were probably laughing and high-fiving each other.

I knew I hurt Dean when I said that, so after I calmed down, I went to him and explained myself. Not merely because of my wife status, but because I am genuinely a happy one. In my eyes, Dean is a flawless husband and he always goes the extra mile to make me happy. How on earth did it even cross my mind to think that what he has given me isn’t enough, I have no idea. I have everything I possibly need! What I said was completely uncalled for.

So this is just a reminder to myself and all; don’t be consumed by other people’s lives. Be happy for other people’s rezeki and at the same time, appreciate your own rezeki. Live for your own life, love your loved ones and count your blessings everyday.

I honestly believe that’s the key to happiness.

As for me, well this wife sure needs to cook some nice dinner tonight to make up!