let’s talk nicely
March 22, 2014Here I am, in my living room, legs sprawled out on the couch. Dean is watching a football match now (big game, he says) so I’ve got a good 90 minutes to catch up with my beloved blog.
So anyway, let me tell you about Daniel.
At 8 months now, he is soooooo clingy to me. Only me. He can be in any kind of mood, but when I enter the room, he looks at me, scrunches up his face into a mengada cry, and crawl to me. If I don’t pick him up, he will cry and cry. And the moment I turn around even to get a drink, he will turn around and hang on to my legs. Not gonna lie, I’m loving how he makes me feel like his world, but there are times I get a bit tired because he won’t even let me pray or pee or whatever.
I hate to say this but he’s getting very demanding. If he doesn’t get what he wants, he just arches his back and cries really loudly. Tears and snot and all. He would roll around on the floor and cry and cry, and he really won’t stop until you’ll feel so kesian. This happens in the middle of the night too. When he wakes up in the middle of the night, he immediately wants me. (By me, I mean his source of milk, you guys get my drift right?). If it’s once a night, it’s fine. But it can go up to 4-5 times sometimes! And when I pretend to just sleep and not entertain him, he will flip his body, he will roll around, he will somersault, hitting my face, hitting my stomach, all the while crying loudly for me.
Aiyoh.
So last night, Dean wanted to discipline him and just went “DANIEL AZIM SHAH! NO!” sternly and Daniel got shocked. And then cried and cried some more. We were worried about his throat if he cried that much, so Dean went to get water for Daniel. While he was gone, Daniel looked at me and crawled to me.
I hugged him tight and just talked nicely. “Look, Daniel. Mommy and Daddy don’t want to get mad at you, we both love you so much. But it’s not ok that you show tantrums in the middle of the night like this. It’s getting a bit out of hand now,” I said to him while stroking his head.
You know what he did after?
He stopped crying! He just rested his head on my chest while I cuddled him, as if listening to me.
When Dean came back, he looked at Dean first before drinking the water Dean got him. And then he wanted me to cuddle him again. Oh, Mommy’s manja boy. He went back to sleep and didn’t wake up until the morning.
Who knew the solution was just to talk nicely?! Oh the nice long sleeps I could’ve had if I had known earlier!
But yeah, demanding, clingy, whiny. He’s turning into… me.
Enjoy it while it last, luv x
i’m touched. :’)
There’s this Korean reality show where babies are involved (well I’m not a mom but I sure love babies! ^^) and they also said that by stroking your child’s head while talking to him nicely can help stimulate his brain to calm him down, so wow, they were telling the truth! π
Hi vivy sometimes baby mungkin lapar, bile sebelum tdo die kenyang nanti baby tdo dgn lena nya sampai pagi
Hi. I saw the programme that anna mentioned. In another korean programme a doc also mentioned to calm down a child who is having a tantrum by stroking his head and his back slowly. I havent tried it but looks like daniel has somehow proven it rite! π
I can totally relate to this. Tried the cry out method but not working for me too. My baby sleeping routine at night is just like daniel, he’d be waking up 4-5 times and sometimes more, if I don’t sumbat him with my boobie he’d cry until his need has been granted. But Vy, whenever I feel stressed out about this, I’d always remember your post on being thankful, that-keeps me sane. Keep writing as I know there are a lot of young mothers out there experiencing what we are dealing now and reading your writing-helps. Thanks Vivy mother to Daniel π
Assalamualaikum vivy
yes! talk to them! touch them while talking, yes stroking his head is the most powerful method. look into his eyes. I have 4 boys and 1 girl. Start from 6mo till 2yo..demanding clingy at peak time, especially boys (yess boys….). my current 1.5mo is about to start listening and understanding now. don’t make him feel that you want him to understand you, but make sure he knows that you understand him. start with asking, what he want, e.g. talk to me i’m listening…bla..bla bla … then pause, it shows you want to listen to him,(at this time trust me they start to kerut dahi, keep crying, stroke you) then you explain why his behaviour is unacceptable. yes! i do this talking even to my 6mo baby!!! istiqamah sampaila dia dah 1.5mo. not only him, but to all my 4 children. even my current 4yo boy pun, if buat perangai, kita cuba sabar and tegur, if tak jalan then firm voice tone (read jerkah voice..he..he.. ), punishment at the same time explain why that behaviour is unacceptable, why he need to be punished and what will be in the future. and…use positive words, like hai anak soleh, kenapa sampai mama dah bagi warning 3 kali tapi masih buat lagi. anak soleh macam ni ke? be patience vivy…keep talking. I stlll do the ‘talking’ things to all my children. Alhamdulillah if you start talking to your children right from the start, once he grow in you until..like forever… you will find your children ‘brain mature’ at their age, kind of reasoning, patience and talkative (errr…this one good or not..he..he..hee.. yes they ask a lottt, talk a lot, …yep..me with 4 talkative muchkins..arrgghhh drive me nuts but MaShaa Allah thank you Allah..). of coz mana ada conversation yg 100% berjaya, like my 2nd, girl, degilnye masih ada… yes each child different but keep istiqamah..all those kelainan will make your children special..like stand out, i mean… not typical.. yes not typical… and the more we talk to them, the more we gain respect.. and gain referral kind of thing…
yess they turn to you… vivy this very crucial.. nampak remeh, tapi look at you, hows your relationship with your parents. yes thats how its going to be.. my parent did. bila susah hati… yes refer to Allah swt, pray… then talipon mak, balik umah mak.. ask mak masak tu masak nih, itu semua didikan dari kecil… kita tetap akan turn into family first… masa kat oversea, time belajar nak buat jahat boleh je, tapi ingat mak ayah..sampai graduated alhamdulillah tak jadik budak jahat pun… i mean real budak jahat…
vivy… istiqamah…saya juga masih belajar walau dah anak 4, sbb setiap anak lain cabarannya and yes my experience, talk is the best method for your children, and when they grow up..talking pattern change, instruction talking less, asking opinion more…
enjoy your daniel…
hahaha , so cute daniel π
Hi Vivy, just wanted to share with you some information that I learned with my paediatrician on why a baby drinks 4-5 times a night. It’s because he didn’t get enough milk the first time around (he may fall asleep before being full) and that’s why he needs to repeatedly cry for milk.
A good advice from her was that to make sure your baby drink from both your breasts at one time, and if he falls asleep, just gently nudge him awake and rouse him to continue drinking. One way to find out if he is really full or just sleepy is that he won’t continue to suck on your nipples when you wake him up (i.e. full), as opposed to continuing to suck on when he’s awake (i.e. still hungry though sleepy).
A happy, full baby will only cry for milk at least 3 hours apart (thus only 1-2 per night), and if he has to wake up 4-5 times per night, this might make him easily tired and not getting enough sleep before he’s hungry again. Hope this helps you and your baby in getting enough rest at night! π
i like the idea of talking nicely and stroking his head. It works for me too!!