At a media interview, I was asked once “Do you think women can have it all?”
It took me a second to really think about it before I replied, “No.”
Think about it. We ambitious women have all the plans to conquer the world, in 5 inch heels, bearing 10 children and owning successful companies and wanting to look immaculate doing all this; always smelling good and without a hair out of place. Then comes the “What’s for dinner, Mommy?” questions from our husbands and kids and suddenly you can never stay back in the office until 10 pm anymore. Then comes the less traveling overseas for work, because either you’re exclusively breastfeeding or you simply don’t have the heart to leave your baby. Then you have big plans to start this project, you have all the milestones in place, and then BAM you find yourself puking next to the toilet and having spinning headaches because you’re pregnant again! (I’m not pregnant, guys! Just trying to give a scenario here haha).
I hope feminists won’t kill me but I honestly think women can’t have it all, and I think that’s the reason Islam says men are the leaders of the family. Islam is just being practical and realistic. And as a woman, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. We can work, we can chase our dreams, but we have to prioritize our husband and children… and if our work and dreams get in the way of our homely duties, it will eventually become a hard choice because one or the other will be compromised.
For me, I know I am ambitious. And the early days of Daniel, I remembered crying because I’m just so not used to this new life of motherhood. Suddenly I can’t go out because Daniel wants to breastfeed, suddenly I have to cancel travel plans because I can’t find a way to bring Daniel with me during my meetings, suddenly I found myself immobile and unable to do the things freely without having to think about another person. My work suddenly had to be taken down a notch and I couldn’t go all out anymore; and as an employer, I also find the same situation with colleagues. Once kids come, things start to be different. That’s just the way it is and the sooner we women realise it, the easier it will be to accept.
The other day, I was so focused on the dUCk launch, worrying about it and having to also juggle issues at FashionValet that I spent a lot of time working. That night at 2 am, when Daniel and Dean were fast asleep, I looked around the house and I just felt so sad. There were toys everywhere from the night before, the flowers on the console table had wilted, the bread in the kitchen was beginning to mold and the frames in the house were still empty and unfilled. I had no time to do all of these because we leave for work in the morning and come back late at night. I just felt so bad that I wasn’t prioritizing to beautify the house for my family for I know that it is my job as a wife and mom.
I think I must’ve looked so down because Dean (who was up later) came to me.
“What’s wrong, baby?” he asked.
I sighed loudly. “The flowers are dead.” I pointed to the vase and sighed again.
Then I realise yes women can’t have it all, BUT… we can always give our best efforts in all aspects of our lives; work, family, love, friends.
The next day, I went to work. I had all my meetings. I sent out all my emails. I shot my ootd (sorry I work in fashion, it’s important ok!). I left work on time. I sorted out my wardrobe. I went to buy groceries. I bought new vases. I bought Dean’s favorite cupcakes. I spent time with Daniel. I showered. I got dressed nicely because Dean was going to be home any minute. I also managed to blog, to go on social media and to chat with some friends. I got a lot done when I was focused and I realise the key is TIME MANAGEMENT.
Today, I’ve scheduled some time after work to go to the florist and tonight I’m going to go through my photo archives to get them printed for the frames. All these things are so petty, but they make me feel like I’m accomplishing something (am I crazy? I cried over dead flowers…). My new Martha Stewart spirit is not going down well with my maid though.
“Puan mau beli bunga lagi?! Buat apa puan, tiga hari dah mati.”
Then I brought home these vases.
“Puan, ini untuk apa?” She asked me as she held them up.
“Untuk letak bunga.”
She looked at the small openings of the bottle and looked back at me as if I was crazy. “Mana muat bunga!”
“Saya nak letak macam satu-satu aja…”
Again the crazy look at me and went back into the kitchen.
I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING OK! I SAW IT ON PINTEREST AND IT’S GOING TO LOOK AWESOME IN MY HOUSE. STOP JUDGING ME.
She came out again with this.
“Puan, ini untuk apa?” She held it up.
“Oh, itu pun saya nak letak bunga,” I smiled at her, waiting for her to give me another crazy look.
“Puan….” she said softly (bless my maid, I love her!), “Ini jag air, puan…”
“Tapi kalau letak bunga cantik.”
“Tapi ini jag air….” her voice trailed off as she walked back into the kitchen, shaking her head.
AGAIN! I SAW IT ON PINTEREST. PEOPLE PUT FLOWERS IN JUGS TOO! I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING, OK?!!