daddy isn’t ready
June 2, 2014 • 28 comments • 4223 viewsDid I tell you that I went all tough yesterday with parenting? I caught up with a friend at a function and she was telling me how she sleep trains all her children and they now sleep wonderfully at night and they are still happy babies. Just the night before, I was having a tough time with Daniel – him kicking my face, rolling himself over my face, bouncing up and down in his cot for me to pick him up, smacking my body if I refuse to breastfeed him… you know, my usual 4 am activities.
*loads eye bags with thick concealer*
So naturally, when I hear success stories from moms who have full 8-hour sleeps, I get all I-can-do-this-too and start talking to Daniel about how he will be sleeping in his own room tonight.
I honestly thought it would be easier, but man… my heart was beating fast as I left him asleep in his room, I was checking all the grills in the house to make sure it’s all locked, I was constantly doing sound checks to see if the baby monitor was working, and my heart was aching as I climbed into bed without Daniel.
Dean?
Oh, he was sobbing in the bed, looking at Daniel’s empty cot next to us, his hands were clutching the baby monitor to his chest. He kept whispering “He’s just a baby… he’s just a little baby…” while turning his body away from me, refusing to speak to me. He definitely lost any definition of cool that he might have had previously.
The both of us said good night to each other and just stared at the ceiling. The room was quiet and we had the bed all to ourselves, but somehow it felt so empty without our little angel with us. I kept glancing at the baby monitor, and Dean kept rubbing his fingers on it, as if it was Daniel.
After 5 minutes of just laying in silence, Daniel finally started making noises and he let out a big cry.
I got ready for this already and turned to Dean, “Ok.. remember what our friend told us. This is just going to be hard for 2-3 days. We have to let him cry it out. We have to be tough and — hey where are you going???”
Dean was already out the door, zooming to get Daniel who was now crying so so loud.
From the baby monitor, all I could hear was “I’m sorry, baby boy. Daddy loves you. You can sleep with us for as long as you want. Daddy loves you…”
-_______-“
Way to be cool, Daddy!
Guess it’s not a surprising conclusion to tell you that Daniel was back in bed with us, cuddled by a smiling Dean. I guess it’s not Daniel who isn’t ready for sleep-training. Now where is the bit in the baby book about obsessive fathers….
Best buds for life.
So, Day 1 verdict – Sleep-training failed miserably.
hahahahahaha. I haven’t sleep trained my 8 months old baby yet. We combined her cot with our bed and at night she sleeps in her cot (most nights hahaha). At times I found her tummy on top of my face in the middle of the night sleep-crawling hahaha. Thank goodness that she sleeps through everynight but still there is comfort feeding before her bedtime.
Those photos of Dean and Daniel in the end of the stories were kind of touching you know father-buddy-bestfriend-forever-love. Brought mist into my eyes hehehe.
Well V i am no pro ..lil tips from me. if he criess go and check on him.. pat pat about 3-4 mins.. no talking no nothing…. go out. cry again masuk and pat pat again…. get out again… u will see first few days ur pat pat time will reduce from 10x per hour to 2-3x per hour. It took me 2 weeks.. u can do it V.. Sekarang dah boleh halau halau suruh tido sendiri dah.
The first pic, was Dean in Daniel’s crib? Comel ajeeee…
THIS IS TOO CUTE!!
But they look so cute together!! 😀
Noooo..he’s not even 1. Uwaa! I yang sedih pulak!
I’m cherishing every waking and sleeping moments together for as long as I can. Hey, tak lama tau..before you even know it, they will be all grown up.
Sorry V..I’m with teamdaddy.
Hi V, i’m a mother who believes in co-sleeping, and when I got pregnant again when my son was only 5 months, I needed space in bed – he wasnt budging. Teething and other milestones, he was always awake every hour or so, or half an hour even. I accepted the fact that he is sleeping with us. Somehow, at 10 months, when his eating was more established plus the fact that I had to change to formula (had never used them before) due to sudden deplete in my milk supply due to my pregnancy, after breastfeeding for 7 months, one night, he slept throughout! So we thought, finally! But he got back at it for a while – bummer. Then, one night, he started sleeping through the night, and has been since, except for milestone weeks like teething/trying to walk. So I guess, let them babies take their time. They will eventually sleep through the night. What I do now for space (he still sleeps with us but throughout the night) is by attaching his rectangular cot to my side of the bed (with one side taken off). He instantly knew it was his space, and was very happy that he gets to sleep however manner he wants but still next to me. And when he misses me, he’ll still crawl back sleeping in my arms every fajr.
Hi Vivy,
I sleep-trained my daughter when she was 16 months old because neither my husband nor myself was getting enough sleep. My daughter would wake up every 2 hours to be breastfed as well so she wasn’t getting enough sleep too. Anyway, I didn’t use the cry-it-out method, I used a more gentle approach like what someone mentioned above. First time she cried I went in and hugged her but never lifted her out of her cot and then just patted her to sleep while gently soothing her “mama is here Sayang”. This went on every time she woke up for four nights and then on the fifth night she slept for 8 hours straight. You don’t have to let them cry it out. It’s heartbreaking for both mum and baby. Try a gentler approach when you (and Dean) are ready 🙂
All the best sis!
Dear, been through all that with my two boys. We trained our boys to sleep in their cots/beds in our room. And it all went well though our room was cramped at that time. They started to “move out” from our room when Danish was 6 years old and Danial was 4 years old, sleeping in Danish’s room. Only this year, Danish is 9 years old and Danial is 7 years they started to sleep in their own rooms on their own. I know it’s kind of late for some parents but for me, I just felt right. And guess what the first time they slept in their rooms, I make sure our door and their doors are always a little bit open. I know they are big boys now but can’t blame this on mommy for feeling so worried. But things are different with my youngest boy Darwisy who is now coming to two years old end of this month. I let him sleep in bed with us. I just don’t have the heart to even put him in his cot. Maybe because he was premature and he was in intensive care for 2 months before he can come home with us makes me treat him a little bit different. I just don’t like the feeling of him being alone like when he was there. I know when we’re comparing notes with other parents, we feel Iike oohh I just got to do that ….. but then oh no I just can’t!!! Well never mind the time will come soon, don’t try hard to make them come early, so enjoy your cuddly time with while you can … before they don’t even want to be seen holding hands with mommy in public 🙂
Both my 2.8yo and 11mo babies sleep thru the night and only wake up for milk at 7pm every morning. What me and my husband did was (since they were born), before we both go to bed (usually around 11-12pm) we will feed them and change their diapers so that they’ll be full and clean to go thru the night.
Good luck D! 😉
Sian baby…hehe. I team daddy…
it will get better, i promise! we still sleep with my 1+ yo daughter.. by this age they can already sleep through the night.. to me these moments is too precious to let go..when they are all grown up and wanting to sleep in their own room, u will miss those moments when they snuggle with u (or kick u!)
my son slept wt us till 12 yrs old..haha..n now i missed him so much coz mmg da x bole sleep with me..cherised d moments as long as u can vivy..u gonna missed it..trust me
I have been wanting to try this “YOU’RE 1YO YOU SHOULD SLEEP IN YOUR OWN ROOM” method since foreverrrrrr but my husband is having none of it T____T
Our son is now 3yo and I have a 2nd baby in less than a month. How we’re gonna fit 4 human beings who’ll ruffle the bedsheet like their life depended on it, in one bed, will be an epic adventure. Gaaaah.
And yes, I’m the very bad cop, and husband is the nicest cop in the family. My son runs to him everytime he wants something (like the 3rd stick of ice cream for the night) because he knows he’ll definitely get it. Unlike with mummy whom he said he doesn’t want to friend every other day =”(
my husband is an obsessive father himself towards our eldest. he’s not as obsessed with our second girl. and one day he told me that he sees me in our first daughter and that she’s like a mini me that’s why he gives her extra love heh
Oh Vivy, u r not alone..i’m a zombie mummy too.. My 2 yrs old son still wake up every 3yrs for milk.. Done everything by the book basically.. Wean off bf, gv him bottle, separate bed, feed him more during the day etc etc.. But in the end, he still doing what he knws best.. Wake mummy up for milk! I guess some mummies r meant to go thru this.. So all i cn say is, embrace it and let’s put more concealer on our eyebags..hahaha..
Eh i mean every 3hours for milk.. Typo got in the way..hehe
alahai.. sedih pulak baca…
follow ur instinct vivy… just follow ur instinct… i feel my bond with kids are closer at nites we sleep together.. even dah besar panjang. am just waiting themoment my boy turns 7 then we have to separate the selimut and bed.. and with his sisters.. but other than that.. i luv every moment…
follow ur instinct vivy… just follow ur instinct. doa for u
My son ask to sleep in his own room at 3.5 years old… throughout the years.. we cramped together. … I decorated his room with his current fav things. .. and before I start sleep train him…he ask to sleep in his room… he did cry sometimes. .I went to pat him then he went back to sleep…
Yay! Victory for baby D and daddy. More credits for mommy..
Google for Sleep Champ Baby on Facebook. Sarah is an amazing trainer for babies and toddler, she can accommodate any parenting style: Co-sleeping or crib-sleeping.
She trains the baby to sleep through the night and whether you prefer it to be CIO (Cry it out) method or other wise. Whether you are breastfeeding or bottle-feeding. She is just amazing. Just give it a try.
Ooo.. she isa certified sleep trainer btw..
SO CUTE
i am in the co-sleep camp! hahaha enjoy it! tips: use the other room for “other” activities ok
Salam Vivy, I trust that you have read 101 materials about this… but just wondering if you have tried cluster feeding? I have done that for my baby and she has slept through the night since week 3 (she’s now 7 months old, alhamdulillah all healthy and happy). Besides her usual feeding at daytime, I feed her hourly from 7-10 pm so those 4 feeds could get her through the night … and she wakes up at 7:30 am. For me it’s not so much about whether she sleeps on my bed or in her cot, but I wanted her to have a good night sleep for growth and development.
Cluster feeding however has interrupted my social life hahaha as I have not gone out for dinner eversince she was born but I would sacrifice that to get some decent sleep and all fresh for work the next day. Happy mommy, happy baby 🙂
Good luck!
Priceless photos at the end of ur post… I know its hard but mayb both of u can change methods abit from time to time. Depends on Daniel’s reaction i guess.. (^^,). Till then, just have him around u for now… Deep inside moms are actually dying to get up and get him as fast as they can, right?
Hahaa! Too cute!!
Haaaa, I can’t bear sleeping away from my baby (he’s already 2!!!)!! Like last night, I slept on the couch next to my baby who was sleeping on his mattress and this morning I was “suddenly” cuddling him in my arms, on his mattress! Haha, don’t know when or how I got there but my take on this is that I’m going to enjoy the hugs and kisses while it lasts, so yeah, I’m with team daddy!
Same thing here and my baby is already 6!! Lol.. We have only 1 child so the 3 of us mmg cling to each other..