marriage cashflow

August 5, 2014

Although I have hinted here and there, I haven’t properly announced that my sister got divorced a few years back. Everything happens for a reason and we take everything as a lesson, but my sister has been growing stronger and more independent through the years as a single mom. And Alhamdulillah still maintains a good relationship with her ex husband. As Allah swt has written for her life, she is now about to embark into her second marriage and this time with the son of my parents’ good friends who we all have known forever. Tonight, the parents had the most awkward conversation at the merisik session, asking their best friends if their son could marry the daughter. Bahaaha I so needed popcorn for this. It’s like me, Toots and Asma’ having our kids marry each other, we’d probably be like Ehhh merisik through whatsapp only can ah?

I couldn’t be happier for my sister. Finally she is going to end her single mom days and she will have someone to share her everyday with. May Allah bless this marriage and ease the path for them. My mom and I were squealing in delight as we put the ring on my sister, but of course, Daddy being Daddy started his lecture. Lecture on life, marriage, second chances, and the most important thing; he’d like to see their marriage cashflow and a 5-year plan of how this guy is planning to take care of his daughter.

Ohhh how this brought me back to when I wanted to get married to Dean. “Yeah sure, you’re in love with my daughter, you want to take care of her forever and ever. But talk is cheap, so please prepare a marriage cashflow for me to see your plans on paper,” imagine your girlfriend’s father telling you that.

cashflow

I was mortified when Daddy told Dean this, but now when I think about it, I thank God to have such an amazing and far-sighted dad. Any dad would be happy to see their daughter get married to the love of her life (finally, she’s going to be your problem now), but only a truly responsible dad will see it through that she gets taken care of. My dad always says that a daughter to a father is something truly special; he raised us sisters up to the best that he could and he wants to sleep peacefully knowing he gave us away to the right guy. He’s the practical type; yes you’re in love, but you never know if your husband turns out to be a douchebag and leaves you after 2 years. That’s why he keeps preaching that a woman should stand on her own two feet and have her own job. Because what if your husband dies/leaves and you’re left with no income, no job and three kids to feed? We used to roll our eyes at him growing up, but we can’t deny the harsh truth. We can see it happening all the time these days!

Ok back to the cashflow. Dean told me that he was soooo nervous to give the cashflow to my dad. It wasn’t like here I’ll just email you and save myself the awkwardness, it was a let’s discuss each item on this sheet session. Dean had never done a cashflow before so he had to Google it and now cashflows are his must-dos for every single project. I never saw this cashflow because my dad told me to respect Dean’s privacy, but Dean told me there was one line of income and a whole load of lines of expenses. And doing the cashflow made him realise the reality of life; he had rent, he had grocery, he had electricity bill, he had petrol, he had Vivy’s shopping money… and all this with RM 2K+ of salary as a fresh graduate to fend for him and royal highness me with my salon sessions (choose your wives properly, guys bahahaha). It’s not about being calculative, but it’s just to educate us to think and to realistically plan for our future. Of course in the end (and after a long lecture from my dad about life yet again), it all worked out with the help of his savings and even though Dean never expected it of me, my salary too. Dean never asked a single cent out of me, but of course, as a working wife you try to pay for things behind his back and not tell him. Just to help ease the burden!

I smiled tonight, not only because my sister deserved her happy ending, but also because I am so proud to have my dad as my dad. A dad who never rests if his daughters are sad, and a dad who might not show it but is beaming with pride when he sees them achieve things in life. My dad really understands the concept that children are your amanah from God so don’t take the responsibility lightly. He’s tough, yes, but without him, Dean and I would never have set goals in life and strive to achieve them.

And it all started from that marriage cashflow he made Dean do, that is now kept in his secret hiding place along with momentos of me growing up that he collected over the years.

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My dad on my wedding day. *cries at the photo*

Bless him, Ya Allah.