womb worries
November 12, 2014I can’t sleep.
So today, FV had a fashion show in KL Fashion Weekend and I seriously could not be prouder of my team. They did everything from A to Z and managed the show so smoothly, I was so so pleased as I goyang kaki in the front row clapping my hands furiously for our company. Amazing team I have.
But I still can’t sleep. Because something happened as I was being interviewed by the media.
I’m used to difficult questions and being put on the spot. I usually just smile, act cool and answer whatever I think sounds the least stupid. Usually everything turns out ok, but if not, I just hope and pray it wasn’t a very popular channel interviewing me. Hehe. But today was no laughing matter for me.
After this one lady asked questions about the event and I thanked her for her support etc, she pulled me back few minutes later and said “Oh I forgot to ask you one more question. This one’s about motherhood. Very easy and fast.” So I said ok. I was all cheerful and eager, until she asked me this… “You’re a mom. What if this happened to you?” and she shoved me her phone with a video of a deformed baby being born. Bundled innocently in the hospital blanket, this baby’s face was distorted with eyes and nose and mouth linked together to become one unidentifiable feature.
I was immediately taken aback and as a reflex, my hands clutched my tummy protectively. My heart ached watching that baby and I could not believe she was asking me this question. Does she not see I’m so big and pregnant? Does she think it’s ok to ask a pregnant lady what she will feel if her baby came out deformed?
But so many people were around us. A videocamera was zooming into my face with a striking red light and I had to compose myself. This was all being recorded. I did not want to embarrass her nor myself so I kept my cool and answered the question however best I could. To be honest, I can’t even remember what I said.
“So what would you do? Would you keep the baby or abort it? Imagine if he or she only had 5 days to live…” she probed me some more.
Again, I slurred some answers that I can barely remember.
Wow. Just wow.
There I was carrying a child in me, and without any warning, being forced to watch a video of one of my biggest fears. And then being asked to imagine that it happened to me…
I get that she was just asking opinions for an unrelated show, but I honestly think that things could have been done with more finesse. Perhaps do a little homework on the subjects before interviewing them. What if they’ve gone through something that painful before and would not want to talk about it? What if they’re pregnant and that’s something they worry about everyday? What if that’s a topic the person is not comfortable talking about? If she had asked “Would you mind if I interview you on a topic of abortion?” I would appreciate that greatly so I know what her idea of an “easy motherhood topic” was all about. Putting a pregnant lady on the spot and showing me a video of an innocent baby with a deformed face…. that’s just way out of line.
I think moms would understand this. You see, the last thing a pregnant woman wants to think about is her baby being deformed.ย Every single day of our pregnancy, for 40 whole weeks, all we worry about is whether our child will come out looking as perfect as God allows him or her to be. Whether or not he/she will have 10 fingers and 10 toes. Everyday I’m making doa Ya Allah, please protect this child in me and please let him or her be as healthy and as perfect as possible. If Nauzubillah, Allah swt tests me with something I probably don’t think I’m strong enough to endure, then I will deal with it the best I can. But as a person who is carrying a child and is constantly praying for his/her wellbeing which is beyond my control, to be asked so bluntly “Hey, would you abort your child?”….ย aww man that is the least cool thing you can ask me. Abortion is a very delicate topic, and it is never a straightforward yes or no kind of question. No one will be able to give an answer, even parents who have to go through it probably would be banging their heads on the wall because it is so so tough.
I can’t tell you how angry I feel right now. If I was a doctor or a person who volunteered to be interviewed on this, then yes fine, ask me anything you want. But this isn’t a topic I wanted to talk about during pregnancy and worse, there is no way to erase the video from my brain. I am so affected by the video, I keep having images in my head, I feel like crying thinking about it and to think all of this could have been avoided if she knew how to be more courteous around delicate subjects such as these. She is probably still going about her job, asking people if they’d abort their child, and having a nice dinner afterwards. And me? I’m just left thinking about Baby M, rubbing my belly over and over again, on the verge of crying of worry.
Sigh. The only thing I can think of to make this a positive thing is that the reporter had no idea I was pregnant. Despite my protruding belly, she probably thought I looked skinny. So yay I guess…. Sigh.
Omg how RUDE!
I’m 19 (and not pregnant) even I have more common sense than her. It’s one thing to ask you that question without forming you beforehand if you’re comfortable talking about the sensitive issue, but shoving you in the face with that video???? SO INCONSIDERATE.
Poor you Vivy. You must’ve felt traumatised. Make lots of Doa and insya-Allah everything will go well. We’ll make lots of Doa for you and Baby M too ๐ Hope you’re getting enough sleep/rest. X
Aww Vivy! I dont know the right words to make you feel better but i sure can doa that you’ll have a healthy and perfect baby <3 take good care of yourself and rest well!
asm Vivy,
Vivy, istigfar banyak-banyak. insyaallah, baby M akan lahir sihat dan sempurna seperti Daniel. Jangan dilayan benda-benda negatif. Setiap kali Vivy teringat, doakan yang baik-baik. Lagipun, Vivy dah nak masuk trimester ke-3. Usah difikirkan wartawan tak cukup sekolah tu.
Solat hajat banyak-banyak. Insyaallah, semoga Vivy dan baby M dalam perlindungan Allah selalu.
but still it was sensitive question whether you are pregnant or not. But inshaAllah you will give birth to healthy child ๐ keep praying Vivy
That is wayyy out of line, I cannot comprehend why she would ask such a question at a fashion show let alone ask anyone or a pregnant lady especially such a highly insensitive question! It was my worse worry too when carrying both my children. I hope she reads this and apologizes to you personally.
You can’t erase it from your mind but continue praying that Allah will bestow you a perfect child, mentally and physically insyaAllah. Think happy thoughts Vivy, insyaAllah.
MashaAllah, how could anyone be so insensitive and disrespectful like that?! In what universe is it acceptable to ask a pregnant lady (who worries over everything everyday) a question on their biggest fear. I am so furious right now and i’m amazed that you managed to keep this whole post without going super ballistic! Because I would, being a mom myself. While I was pregnant, I would avoid seeing anything that would potentially raise my level of worryness, as if we don’t have a lot to worry about already! Everyday I would pray for my child to be as healthy n perfect as I hope for her to be. Damn you, you idiot reporter for asking her an ‘easy’ question. Learn your ettiquette man!
V, try to get some sleep. InshaAllah, baby M will be healthy, perfect and beautiful as all babies should be. Aamin ya Rabb ๐
What a stupid question to ask anyone especially a pregnant mother. When I was pregnant, I was afraid about so many things especially since in my line of work, I have seen cases that I will not mentioned and I have conducted delivery of a severely deformed baby who lasted for a an hour in my arm. Still, the father held the baby and showed her sibblings and said,’Cium adik. Adik akan pergi’. It was one the most poignant moment of my career. And after saying Iqamah beside the baby’s ear, he turned to me and said,’ Doktor, tolong cover anak saya bila keluar dari bilik Operation ini untuk menjaga maruah anak saya’.
I held my tears really hard. I mean, how many times have I took care of deformed babies who left behind in the hospital because the parents said,’it was bad luck’.
Ask me this question eventhough I am a doctor, I cannot answer you and I will not want to think of it at all. I would have given a better deserved set down to the idiot who showed such photos to a pregnant lady.
This is one of our biggest fear as a mother. It was very unfair to you Vivy. Even reading about it just pissed me off.
Though, remember one thing Vivy that we have prayers and we have Allah. Allah will always give the best for us and He will protect you and your baby. InsyaAllah. We will always pray for you and your family. So don’t worry about it okay
First and foremost, Vivy you are one inspirational human being. I’ve been a keen reader of your blog for some time and I truly admire how you always, always radiate positivity in your writing. Even in this post itself, you end it with a slightly lighter note. That, does not go unnoticed Vivy, and I hope you carry on with this sanguine & optimistic personality of yours and keep inspiring people.
I believe in the notion ‘nothing is unsayable, it’s just the way you say it’. The way a person says something, it covers the whole enchilada. The setting, the voice tone, the choice of words, etc. In this case, I honestly think the lady sounds very desensitised to have asked such question at an ungodly time. But maybe that was her first time covering the job, maybe that was her first time getting that sort of task, God knows. Yes she should’ve done her research and all, okay that’s her end of the bargain. I think the only way to get yourself out of this is to forgive her, so you can be more at ease, insyaAllah. The lady definitely owes you an apology and I hope she does come around to it, but it wouldn’t mean a thing if you’re the one holding it against yourself. Istighfar. It’s hard to get rid of something that has been embedded in your head but seek Allah’s help & mercy. May Allah ease this for you and grant bountiful of wealth and good health and wisdom upon you & Baby M. My prayers are with you, Vivy! Much love from London.
Dear Vivi,
I am speechless! That reporter is sooooo insensitive!!
But be cool. Tawakal innallah. Banyakkan berdoa…
InsyaAllah, semuanya akan selamat…
Astaghfirullahilazim.. Of all the questions, why would she ask that?! Even a friend will not ask another friend that, and yet that reporter, probably a stranger to you, asked you that?! Am shocked. How is that related to a fashion show. You are correct, even a parent who have gone through the painful decision of having to abort a child will still be haunted by it. And being put on the spot too with that question.
Just keep praying, doa and banyak baca quran Vivy.. Allah knows best, to Him we tawakkal and trust.
That reporter was an idiot.
You have every right to feel outraged and victimised. I’m so sorry for what you went through.
By God’s grace, may baby M be born healthy and perfectly formed and be blessed everyday of his/her life.
Dear Vivy,
Everytime you thought of the image in the video…just istighfar. Solat hajat and wish from Allah your baby will be safe and healthy.
InsyaAllah I pray everything will be fine for you and baby. Cheers….
Vivy, I’m crying. Because I feel youuuu.. I put myself on your shoes because I also pregnant. To just think positive, the reporter had no idea you were pregnant. Masa mengandung ni, memang saya elakkan tengok gambar-gambar atau video yang tak sepatutnya. Bila saya rasa down atau risaukan anak dalam perut, saya akan ingat @ baca semula apa yang dilalui Raja Nadia Sabrina. Her story about her baby in heaven inspired me a lot.. her strength and positiveness.
Apa yang wartawan tu buat memang kurang beretika. Saya harap dia baca entri ni dan minta maaf secara peribadi. Pray for the best, Vivy. Allah knows the best. Tak ada mak yang meminta sesuatu yang bukan-bukan terjadi pada anak yang dikandung.
be positive and keep on praying. Allah knows whats best for you. surely theres hikmah behind this. what the reporter did was undeniably wrong. yes, people can be rude sometimes. but maybe its just a gentle reminder from Allah that whatever happens in the future its within His power. to teach us the meaning of shukr & sabr. Remember if He brings us to it, He’ll bring us through it. Just be strong. *hugs*
That is sooooo rude..i am a mom and i know how does it feel..=( I hope that reporter reads this post and all of the comments written here..so that she knows her mistake and try to work on it…
Booooooooooo to the reporter! Stay positive Vivy, there are always people who does not have the best heart but we must always remember Allah gives us trials and struggles only so we will remember Him more. InsyaAllah I pray baby M will be just as cute as Daniel. Amin
my god, the reporter herself must not have married herself. Not a woman in the world would want her child to be deformed. A senseless reporter n hopefully she read your blog and come to you personally for apologize. And i am so touched by comment from dr. mummy. She had gone through almost every kind of delivery and yet she still understands what a mother would feel despite of her career professionalism. You stay strong vivy.
insya Allah vivy everything will be fine. i will always pray for you.
Vivy, i feel you. pls be strong. and dont let the negativity ppl kills you. i love the positivity vibes you’re giving me everytime i read your blog. just want you to know that many ppl out there loves you ๐
that reporter was so rude!i can feel how traumatic you are by reading this entry..i hope you are strong..stop worrying too much k?be happy for baby M and Daniel.insyaAllah baby M akan selamat semuanya.you have our support kak Vivy! ๐
Hi Vivy,
on bright sight, sungguh u tak nampak like pregnant woman pun.. you even wear high heels ok.. gila kagum.. and sangat cantik.. if tak telek you betul-betul, memang tak notice..
BUTTTT… that reporter was soooo tut… unbelievable.. how come she doesnt know that you are pregnant.. you are so famous!!! sahih tak buat homework. and still, tak de manners langsung popped out the video and questions like that.
i really wanted to know from which tv station.. bersabar yer vivy.. insha allah. everything will be fine for you and baby..
I think the reporter is inhumane,really. and why was it being a topic at a fashion show? i see no correlation at all. I may not be a parent yet but i feel you, V. Just like what Dr Mummy described, the nature of my job makes me too. Its brilliant that you stayed composed, i would’ve blast my lungs out. InsyaAllah baby M will be as good and healthy ( and i have a strong feeling that she/he needs a PSY referral).
Dear Vivy, it breaks my heart to know there are people very much insensitive over extremely sensitive topics like this. Any pregnant ladies would be outrageous to be directed to such questions and video.
Just be reminded always that you have a GOD who will hold you strong through difficult situations like this. It’s not easy to get over the video but whenever it crosses your mind – just change the thought of it by having pictures of your beautiful family – your husband, your son & your close ones right in your mind. GOD can surely diminish that awful video from your mind and calm your fears.
Have a beautiful day & keep smiling.
God is with you :).
**Any pregnant lady
gosh that reporter, is she insane or what?very insensitive. V please dont think about it too much though its a hard thing to do..
so rude & insensitive! Geram nya I rasa!
Takpa Vivy, look at Daniels photos & videos, InsyaAllah it will help u feel better.
Astaghfirullah hal azim. Insensitive and lack of common sense I must say. Masa pregnant ni la wanita sememangnya sangat-sangat risaukan keadaan bayi dia. Dan semuanya setiap saat berdoa agar anaknya sihat dan sempurna dilahirkan. Tak siapa minta anaknya cacat. Tapi sekiranya terjadi, siapalah kita nak soalkan takdir, melainkan redha dan anggap ia sebagai ujian Nya, meningkatkan iman kita padaNya.
Kalau saya ditanya soalan mcm tu, saya tak abort, saya pelihara selagi saya boleh. Sebab ianya amanah dariNya.
Tak baik lah tanya nak abort anak ke tak. Tak baikkkk sangat..!!
Subhanallah.
I am still trying to comprehend all this. I am pregnant myself and believe me, I sure do have the same worries too, but I dare not speak it out. Reading this turning knots in my stomach and a lump in my throat. I can only and will only continuously pray to Allah SWT to be granted with a child yang soleh atau solehah, sempurna sifat, akal dan kesihatan. InshAllah, for you too.
Of course, it is something that is , well, it is a fact that this happens, but some things are better left unsaid. To corner you in such situation is definitely uncalled for. That is why we learn about ethics, etiquette and to me, that was an irresponsible act of the reporter. In fact, anybody for that matter, because anybody in their ‘right’ state of mind wouldn’t dare to even think of asking such question. You wouldn’t want to ask a person this kind of question, be it your friends, or even your own family member. What more, a stranger? And to record it in an interview. Subhanallah.
May Allah SWT grant you the strength and keep you steadfast dear Viy. InshaAllah, all will be well. We only put our trust in Allah SWT, he is the best of all planners. May the reporter be guided rightly by Him.
Subhanallah.
Stay positive Vivy.
My heart goes to you and baby M. May Allah swt protect you both throughout this pregnancy and beyond. Baby M will be extra gorgeous, Amin!
sapa tuh? eee…meh kita cili jer mulut dia…and report her to the boss…i dont think the question is being discussed with anyone before they were asked…idiot reporter!!
Just wow. She must’ve slept over Journalism ethos 101. So insensitive, where’s her common sense? I would go berserk. There I was, taking so much care not to see atrocities or any unfortunate things, and you reporter lady go slap it on my face and expect me to think about it? Fucking touchwood!
You’re strong. You handled it way better than I would in the same situation. Baby M will be a happy healthy baby!
stupid & ignorant – and how come boleh pulak tunjuk video from her phone – impromtu question ke apa – hasihhh i am so grammm stupid reporter
MasyaAllah… that brought tears to my eyes, its okay. you’re the one who always said “dugaan” is not for those who cant afford it. so maybe , that were just a test from Allah to remind you, never to forget him. same as when you were praying at Maakah while carrying daniels , there are many obstacles. yet, you were calm and grateful. ๐ I really hope all of these comments will bring you great spirits. Amin..
Hi Vivy,
I watched the video last week and I’m 22 weeks pregnant. I cried the whole time watching it.
Not because I’m afraid that my upcoming baby will be a deformed baby, or worse died after 5 days..But because I can feel that nobody will love their child more when they’re tested.
Since that video, I will make sure that I will put my son to sleep no matter how tired I am. Just because, I’m scared that I wont get the chance anymore.
I think we as human, sometimes we take things for granted. And these unfortunate events, are just reminders that Allah really works in mysterious ways..Maybe to that couple, it’s really a blessing…
They have a perfectly healthy daughter after that…
I think the loss of their son really taught them (and us) how we should appreciate everything that we have, no matter in what form..
And please don’t lose your sleep..you have nothing to worry about..just keep praying that Baby M will be a healthy baby like Daniel..to worry about things we can’t control, is the silliest..and I think, the major hikmah of this thing is, you will pray moooore for Baby M since last time you said you don’t really have time for him/her. Alhamdulilah, Allah is listening.. ; )
Till then, take care.
Astaghfirullahazim i got goosebumps reading this
Assalamualaikum..
i think u boleh komplen to station tv regarding this matter.
what if die keluarkan statement u dlm programme tu about ‘that’ thing??
poor u vivy..
i doakan u and baby sehat2 sentiasa dan dipermudahkan oleh Allah swt.
istighfar banyak..InshaAllah. stay strong and be positive darling!!
Come here * virtual hugs* may time heal the mental pain , vivy
dear vivy,
As i imagined myself as pregnant as you, I could see myself react the same way as you did. I guess it is normal for any pregnant moms out there to feel the same. I mean, there’s nothing more in this world that we want than to have children and to hope our children will be as perfect as possible.
Sending love and positive vibes to you.
Stoooopid reporter. How rude!
I myself is a doctor (and a mom) and i dont
Think i can answer that question. I would simply walk away and leave that stupid reporter alone.. bravo to you vivy for handling the situation really well.
I feel u. We (mommies) worry alll the time. Even when we are not pregnant. We worry about everything especially regarding our child, or our unborn child.
That reporter lady doesnt have a common sense.So sad..
Im so angry btw. I dont know what to say to make you feel better..
Please know that we readers always pray the best for you and your family. Hugsss
dear akak Vivy, I’m sorry on behalf of that insensitive reporter! I’m just a teenager who’s big fan of yours, so I don’t really know anything about motherhood, but I do know if I become one, I’d probably won’t handle things the way you did if someone showed me things like that! I respect you so much for handling it calmly….
but akak Vivy… pls try not to dwell on what you saw too much. mama says it’s not really good for you or your baby…….
here’s a link to pics of cute babies for you to hopefully forget about what you saw! cute babies just like how your BabyM will be in sha Allah!
https://twitter.com/cutebabies16 ๐ (not trying to promote a page or anything, this is not my page, I just want you to look at cute babies ๐ )
*virtual hug for akak Vivy* ๐ hope you feel better <3
dear vivy, i feel u. that lady was so rude and insensitive. i pray that baby m will be born healthy and beautiful just like his/her brother ๐
dear vivy,
eventhough i am not a mummy, and not pregnant, i still think that she shouldn’t ask anyone about that, no one would deserve to be asked this kind of questions, and to show the video to a pregnant lady, i don’t know what she’s been thinking.
hope you will be swamped with happy thought and good news that this will get out of your mind.
take care.
So. Not. Cool. Nonetheless, Allah knows the strength of His servant. All day we are being shoved at making decision. Abortion is not the answer. If the baby is not compatible with life surely the body will eliminate it. If the baby survived then definitely there must be a bigger plan Allah has planned for you.
Wallahualam.
hi vivy i cant believe you let the reporter get away with it.
make a report, he/she needs to learn some manners and maybe learn it the hard way, as long as he/she doesn’t go around asking people stupid questions.
im sure you want nobody to go through what you have gone through with the reporter, so do your part.
Vivy,
You probably should write a complaint to that TV station. I know you were trying to be kind by not revealing the reporter’s name and her stupid show in this post but I wished you had so we can all boycott her. I’ve heard of terrible reporters before but this one really takes the cake.
I agree with them. U should at least make a report, the reporter should know her limit. It was really unacceptable. If I were you, I think I would immediately cried ~forget the video recorded. Let them panicked! No one would have the right answer to that question! Why asking such question to a pregnant lady?
To that reporter, I believe you read Vivy’s blog and maybe this post, So, please ask yourself, why did you asked such question? To torture a pregnant lady???
Be patient kak vivy ๐
she’s lucky she asked you vivy. it it was me, I would punch her face right in front of other people and I might be the next kiki who knows.. Pregnancy is a very emotional moment for a woman and how dare she could ask you that question?? where’s her journalist ettique????
Hi Vivy
Regret that you were put in such predicament. Despite that you are too kind and so cute with your positive vibe of her not knowing that you are a pregnant. I shall have you and baby M in my prayers.
Pam
Omg! I cried reading this. Brought me back to my first pregnancy when the hospital mixed my paper work and I got the worst phone call of my life. The doctor called me to tell me my baby had severe congenial deformities. He said it in such a cold way it was awful. I cried for 4 days (my follow up was in 5) and at the end of the 4th day the nurse calls me to tell me it was a mistake. The doc couldnt even take 5 mins out of his day to apologize to me. But it was the worst feelig in the world. May God keep your little one safe.
WHAT?!!!! Omg that is horrible to know!!! Wow… I’ve never heard such thing. Like ooppss sorry we called the wrong person -___-”
Alhamdulillah everything turned out ok for you!
Vivy, I seriously cried reading this. May Allah protect both you and Baby M and the rest of your family. It was insensitive of her.
May Allah protect you and your family. sending love <3