womb worries

November 12, 2014

I can’t sleep.

So today, FV had a fashion show in KL Fashion Weekend and I seriously could not be prouder of my team. They did everything from A to Z and managed the show so smoothly, I was so so pleased as I goyang kaki in the front row clapping my hands furiously for our company. Amazing team I have.

But I still can’t sleep. Because something happened as I was being interviewed by the media.

I’m used to difficult questions and being put on the spot. I usually just smile, act cool and answer whatever I think sounds the least stupid. Usually everything turns out ok, but if not, I just hope and pray it wasn’t a very popular channel interviewing me. Hehe. But today was no laughing matter for me.

After this one lady asked questions about the event and I thanked her for her support etc, she pulled me back few minutes later and said “Oh I forgot to ask you one more question. This one’s about motherhood. Very easy and fast.” So I said ok. I was all cheerful and eager, until she asked me this… “You’re a mom. What if this happened to you?” and she shoved me her phone with a video of a deformed baby being born. Bundled innocently in the hospital blanket, this baby’s face was distorted with eyes and nose and mouth linked together to become one unidentifiable feature.

I was immediately taken aback and as a reflex, my hands clutched my tummy protectively. My heart ached watching that baby and I could not believe she was asking me this question. Does she not see I’m so big and pregnant? Does she think it’s ok to ask a pregnant lady what she will feel if her baby came out deformed?

But so many people were around us. A videocamera was zooming into my face with a striking red light and I had to compose myself. This was all being recorded. I did not want to embarrass her nor myself so I kept my cool and answered the question however best I could. To be honest, I can’t even remember what I said.

“So what would you do? Would you keep the baby or abort it? Imagine if he or she only had 5 days to live…” she probed me some more.

Again, I slurred some answers that I can barely remember.

Wow. Just wow.

There I was carrying a child in me, and without any warning, being forced to watch a video of one of my biggest fears. And then being asked to imagine that it happened to me…

I get that she was just asking opinions for an unrelated show, but I honestly think that things could have been done with more finesse. Perhaps do a little homework on the subjects before interviewing them. What if they’ve gone through something that painful before and would not want to talk about it? What if they’re pregnant and that’s something they worry about everyday? What if that’s a topic the person is not comfortable talking about? If she had asked “Would you mind if I interview you on a topic of abortion?” I would appreciate that greatly so I know what her idea of an “easy motherhood topic” was all about. Putting a pregnant lady on the spot and showing me a video of an innocent baby with a deformed face…. that’s just way out of line.

I think moms would understand this. You see, the last thing a pregnant woman wants to think about is her baby being deformed.ย Every single day of our pregnancy, for 40 whole weeks, all we worry about is whether our child will come out looking as perfect as God allows him or her to be. Whether or not he/she will have 10 fingers and 10 toes. Everyday I’m making doa Ya Allah, please protect this child in me and please let him or her be as healthy and as perfect as possible. If Nauzubillah, Allah swt tests me with something I probably don’t think I’m strong enough to endure, then I will deal with it the best I can. But as a person who is carrying a child and is constantly praying for his/her wellbeing which is beyond my control, to be asked so bluntly “Hey, would you abort your child?”….ย aww man that is the least cool thing you can ask me. Abortion is a very delicate topic, and it is never a straightforward yes or no kind of question. No one will be able to give an answer, even parents who have to go through it probably would be banging their heads on the wall because it is so so tough.

I can’t tell you how angry I feel right now. If I was a doctor or a person who volunteered to be interviewed on this, then yes fine, ask me anything you want. But this isn’t a topic I wanted to talk about during pregnancy and worse, there is no way to erase the video from my brain. I am so affected by the video, I keep having images in my head, I feel like crying thinking about it and to think all of this could have been avoided if she knew how to be more courteous around delicate subjects such as these. She is probably still going about her job, asking people if they’d abort their child, and having a nice dinner afterwards. And me? I’m just left thinking about Baby M, rubbing my belly over and over again, on the verge of crying of worry.

Sigh. The only thing I can think of to make this a positive thing is that the reporter had no idea I was pregnant. Despite my protruding belly, she probably thought I looked skinny. So yay I guess…. Sigh.