a slow start

March 7, 2015

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I don’t think it has sunk in yet that these two are products of me, each I carried for 9 months and came out through me. It’s just… mind-blowing what our Creator can do.

To be honest with you, at the hospital, I didn’t feel very connected to Mariam (I’m obsessed with her now, don’t worry!) because I really really missed Daniel. I felt so guilty thinking about him sleeping without his parents, and everyday he came to visit us, he looked so confused. And it was even more frustrating for me because I couldn’t hug and carry him like I would normally do. The third day when the doctor said we can still stay in the hospital for extra observation, we were already packed to leave. Like no thanks, we really want to go home now, hold the lift for us, please.

How Daniel is adjusting to Mariam?

Well actually, he ignored her. In fact, he still ignores her but it’s getting better. We would tell him to kiss Mariam and look at Mariam, and he’d just walk away or say “No.” Few nights ago, we told him to come say Good Night to Mariam before bedtime and he stood next to her cot and waved, “Babai, babai.”ย -____-” A start, I suppose…

When people come to visit and they all rush to Mariam, you can see Daniel standing there holding a toy and sometimes he looks really confused. I guess when all the attention was to him and only him, it must be quite a change for him to adjust to. So Dean and I focus a lot on him right now. Since Mariam sleeps all day errdayyy, it makes it easier for us to play with Daniel, take him swimming, or simply just tickling him down to the floor which he absolutely loves.

Last night I was eating at the dining table and Mariam was sleeping but within my view. Daniel was there playing his blocks. Then Mariam started crying softly. Daniel stopped playing, turned around and looked around the living room for someone to help. “Mi? Miiii??” he called, looking at me. I pretended not to hear and just kept on eating because I wanted to see what he would do. Mariam let out another cry. After realizing that no one was going to help, Daniel went to her. He found one of her socks that fell off and picked it up. Mariam cried some more, and he stuck out his hand with the sock and went “This?”. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. So he does care after all! (Either that or he was annoyed he couldn’t hear Disney Channel from all Mariam’s crying… I would like to believe the former, please.)

It’s definitely a slow start for Daniel and Mariam to bond, but I do hope they grow up to become the best of siblings. Insyaallah!