It’s been exactly a week here at Pantang-ville and how can I sum it up? Man… it’s been a roller coaster ride of emotions to be honest. If you don’t know me, I’m a veryyyyy restless person. I get bored very easily and I need to do something (ANYTHING! I’ll be happy to even potong bawang right now…) all the time. And I don’t like to sleep during the day so when you tell me I need to stay home and rest, I will ask you if you have a laptop I could borrow so I don’t die of boredom.
Sooooo…. asking me to pantang is like asking for candy from a baby.
Not impossible, but you’ll have to put up with the crying and whining and screaming.
This time round, the challenges are different. Dean and I chose to pantang in our home this time and to be perfectly honest, I’m loving the privacy. Only family members come everyday, as opposed to my parents and inlaws houses who have visitors everyday, so it’s been pretty private. Plus I get to walk around shirtless and not worry about traumatizing anyone. And I also get to cheat when my confinement lady goes home (Hi Mom, Hi Mak…. *slurps ice cold vitagen and goes AAAAAHHHHHH YUM*). So yeah, am much calmer this time round.
But the downs are there too:
1) Dean goes to work – but then again, I’m clingy all the time, pantang or not.
2) Daniel – I can’t carry him because I’m still a bit weak and this really breaks my heart. I can’t pretend to chase him around the house, I can’t carry him up in the air, I can’t wrestle and kiss his tummy on the bed… sigh. He is slowly refusing me as well, going “Nanak!!!” a lot more when I ask him to kiss me. I watched him sleep yesterday and all I could do was stroke his hair and say I miss you, my son. And of course, the waterworks came and left my eyes the size of tennis balls. I really really really miss my son and I can’t wait to recover and be all active again.
3) Uterus – my uterus feels so weak and the first few days, I felt like something was about to drop in my body. All the responses I get from elders are the same; that subsequent babies will make our body harder to heal. With Daniel, I guess my uterus was all shiny and new and young and can perk back up in no time. But with Mariam, it’s…. well, second hand. Takes more time to heal and me being the most patient person on earth, there should be no problem in the waiting department… note my sarcasm.
4) Stitches – Ok so how on earth do you expect the stitches to heal if they keep getting rubbed against our maternity pads. I don’t understand the logic of all this. Some moms actually put a mirror there and look at their stitches. Those moms are craycray. Just like the stitches I got from giving birth to Daniel, I don’t look nor have I touched or intend to touch them. I would probably die. For now, am just walking and sitting really slowly so that I don’t accidentally tear the stitches open. Omg just writing this is giving me goosebumps.
5) Missing work – I miss my colleagues sooooo much and now all the designers are giving us presentations of their Raya collections. So it’s really exciting times now. Since the buying department is under me, I’m missing out on all these and all I get are Whatsapp pictures. Booooo. Sometimes thinking about not being busy at work frustrates me, but thank God for group chats and emails! When Mariam’s asleep, you can bet I’ll be on my laptop.
6) How I look – I can’t stand looking in the mirror nowadays. I passed it this morning and went Oh dear God. Now it’s all I Love Langkawi T-shirts and Kain Batik chic for me. Sexy.
Ok so I guess those are all my woes. Somehow writing it all down calms me. Now I see that they’re not so bad. Could be worse!
As for Mariam, Masyaallah, she really is from heaven. She’s so beautiful and she’s sooooooo chill and calm and composed. A girl is so different! And she sleeps through the night too! *WOOHOOOOO!!!!!!*
That is all for now.
But will update more often. I am after all, very free these days. -__-“