Ok so it’s time to blog about Mariam’s delivery before I have a third child. Haha.

(You can read about Daniel’s delivery here – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)

My labor this second time around was so similar to Daniel. I was induced in the middle of the night, and I gave birth at 2.30pm. Same for both Daniel and Mariam! And I also had to be induced twice, just like with Daniel, because my cervix did not open with the first induction. Seriously man… my cervix is so stubborn! But not all were the same. This time, I was more drugged, more hormonal and I was crying a lot.

So this is how it went:

11pm:

Check in to “my hotel room”, unpacked while humming some happy song (no such humming happy songs happened when contractions started to come!), la la la, had so much fun with Dean laughing and stuff, took some flatlays and other pics for instagram. You know, priorities.

My last outfit as a pregnant woman.

Cardigan and skants from FV BASICS (comes in 3 colours, from XS to XL). 

Midnight:

Asma’ arrived to accompany me so Dean went out to get KFC for all of us. Toots wanted to come too but the whole month her work project took over her life, like seriously I felt bad for her! Ok back to my KFC. The fried chicken was super awesome, I had TWO iced milo’s (go big or go home…) but the lady forgot the extra gravy for my whipped potato. I was yakking on that for minutes when the nurse interrupted me.

“Hi Madam, are you ready for the butt medicine?” while holding a tray of that scary syringe with the liquid. She didn’t actually say butt medicine, but who cares what the scientific name is. Medicine, up your butt = butt medicine.

No need to explain, you know what happens.

My husband still loves me despite it all, thank God.

1 am: 

“Hi Madam, are you ready for your induction?”

I mean seriously, she’s so polite but I was so annoyed with her cheerful questions. No one’s ready for pain, ok!?!! Stop asking and just tell me it’s time.

“Yes thank you,” I said dryly as I spread my legs reluctantly. She inserted the pill and monitored me with that CTG scan thingy the whole night.

Bismillah…

2 am:

Dean was asleep on the cramped sofa next to me, and I smiled looking at him. It might have been the drugs but I wanted to go there and kiss him thinking how lucky I am to have such a supportive and loving husband. (A few hours later, I hated him and told him all this was his fault.)

Daniel slept with his grandma and she sent us a photo of him sleeping. I looked at it again. I cried because I really missed him and he looked so sad that I just wanted to tell him Mommy loves him. I just wanted to cuddle him at that time and I needed him in my arms. I need him, I told Dean earlier before he slept. And Dean hugged me because I know he felt the same way too.

My phone beeped with a message from my dad. He was overseas at that time, so I read his earlier messages to me that day.

“All the best to my sweetheart. My prayers are always with you. Daddy is always with you, my brave girl,” he sent with an old picture of him kissing my forehead.

Cried some more.

I read the same Quran that I took with me during Daniel’s delivery. Over and over again, I read the Yasin since I felt that was most comforting at the time.

I went to sleep sending telephatic messages to my cervix.

“Please be open when I wake up, please be open when I wake up.”

6 am:

“WHY IS IT NOT OPEN YET?!! WHY IS IT SO STUBBORN?!” I wailed to Dean after the nurse checked my dilation and it was at 0 cm. She told me another induction pill will be inserted at 8 am. Same story as Daniel’s delivery.

Dean and I prayed Subuh together. That was my last prayer as a pregnant woman. The doa was extra long, I cried asking God to forgive my sins and that if anything happened to me, please have mercy on me and protect me from his Hellfire. I was crying and crying. I mean, you really think about God when you’re helpless and you realise you can’t control what happens. You realise how small you are and you will beg Him to grant you mercy.

8 am:

Doctor came to check me. Inserted another induction pill inside me.

9 am: 

I was dancing around the hospital bed, around the toilet, around the living room, you name it!

This time, the pain was more than Daniel’s. The contractions had come and I was tugging on Dean for comfort.

“Tulah…. kena selalu ingat jangan lawan your mother. Mothers go through a lot of pain giving birth,” my mom says casually from the couch while chomping on the bread she brought for me.

I gave her an annoyed stare while bending down in pain.

THIS IS NOT THE TIME, MOTHER!

10 am:

I was so sure I was at least 6 cm by then. I mean, the pain… fuh.

Nurse came to check dilation.

I was at 1 cm.

I’m pretty sure they wanted to laugh at me, but I didn’t care.

“Please Nurse, can I have the epidural now?”

And so they wheeled me into the labour ward.

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Kids are awake. I have to go! But see, already so much crying in the beginning of my labour. Wait till I tell you about the screaming woman in the labour room….