mariam’s labor story: learning to adapt
May 30, 2015Ok I better finish Mariam’s labor story before she turns 18. I’m taking way too long already compared to Daniel’s labor story the last time. Been so busy at work!
If you haven’t read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3, please do so before you read this Part 4.
Ok time to put my hospital bracelet on and rewind back to 3 months ago.
2.15 pm
They propped up my legs onto the leg thingy and I was in a kangkang position that no woman should do apart from giving birth time. I’m sure I was blushing to be sitting this crudely in front of these people in the labor room, but I guess there are worst things in life.
I looked at Dean, who I insistย stay on the top of my head and never walk down. I would die if he sees the situation with a baby coming out.
“So are you going to cry like you did when Daniel came out?” I teased him. He’s a crybaby when it comes to his kids.
“Pftttt, of course not. I’m a strong man,” he replied.
2.20 pm
I couldn’t feel a thing, which is what I wanted. So I didn’t know if my contractions are high (that’s when you’re supposed to push) or if the baby’s head is out or anything. So at times like these, you just trust the doctor. The doctor told me when to push, how soft to push, how hard to push etc etc.
“Ok push …. ok push a little harder…. come on Vivy, you can do it….” the doctor instructed and I did as he said.
Dean was all the time holding my hand by my side.
“Ok the baby’s head is out.”
WHAT?! Wow that was easy, I thought. With Daniel, I had so many rounds of pushing before his head could even come out. Mariam’s eager to see the world. Impatient, like me. I already felt the bond.
“Ok now push softly….” the doctor instructed and I followed.
Seconds later, there she was, naked and saying Hello World with a big big cry, louder than Daniel’s.
Nice moms would go “Omg she’s so beautiful,” but I’m more realistic here. Mariam darling, you were swollen and covered with all sorts of slimy things, and you’re way cuter now, sweetheart. Hehe.
I looked at Dean.
There it is, eyes teary and red with a big smile on his face.
Strong man, huh?
2.30 pmย
They wrapped Mariam up and she was crying the whole time. Loud!
Then, they plonked her on me face down. The nurse said to have some skin to skin moment with Mommy and apparently it calms the baby down. Being so new to the world, babies want their Mom’s familiarity.
As soon as she was cuddled on my chest, she stopped crying.
It was amazing. The whole room went quiet which was a stark contrast to her a few seconds ago, and I could hear her breathing softly.
And that’s when I knew.
I have magical powers, guys. That’s it, I’m supermom, for sure. This proves that.
Dean had to interrupt this beautiful moment with his sniffs of course. And then he beautifully did the iqamat next to Mariam’s ears. She was quiet the whole time, with eyes staring wide at Dean.
2.35 pm
We were having that beautiful family moment but down south, the nurses and doctor were having a party. The doctor was stitching me up because there was still a small tear (thanks a lot, Mariam) and the nurses were cleaning up and one jabbed my thigh with painkiller to last me through the night when the epidural wears off. I didn’t feel any of this because the epidural was still working.
After they gave us a few minutes with Mariam, they let Dean take Mariam outside the labor room where all our family members were waiting patiently. When I was alone in the room, the “depressed” feeling came back. It was quiet and I felt so alone, I felt so weak (maybe because of the additional drugs came into my body?) and I was suddenly not prepared to be a mom again. It was a scary feeling. I remember that I felt so tired and I just wanted to sleep. But I knew that the sleepless nights and the breastfeeding routine were waiting for me, and I cried thinking I had to do this all over again when I just finished that with Daniel.
I have never felt this weak in my life. I still couldn’t feel my legs fully, and that made me angry. I teared alone.
2.40pm
They took the epidural needle out and plastered my back up. Did not hurt, don’t worry.
They brought Mariam back into the room and the nurse told me to breastfeed now. I wanted to cry again because all I wanted to do was rest and sleep. I just wanted to be left alone. But of course, I started breastfeeding her for a few minutes.
My hospital bed was wheeled into the room, and they needed me to move to the other bed so they could wheel me back to my ward. I remember thinking Gosh can’t they just let me rest here a little longer? I just gave birth for God’s sake! and feeling annoyed. But again, looking back, I think it was the drugs that made my mood go bad.
Dean, post-crying post-tearing.
3 pm
Back in the room, my family members kissed me and I don’t remember much except I just dozed off. I remembered being woken up because Mariam was crying and I got annoyed because I just wanted to be left alone.
I had to stay 2 nights in the hospital which was different because with Daniel, we were discharged the next day. So being in the hospital longer depressed me even more. I missed home, I missed Daniel, I missed my own bed. I was with Mariam a lot and I remember waking up a lot to feed her or just to look at her, but I somehow did not feel the connection.
It was a horrible feeling for me because I felt like the worst mom ever, but I’m being completely honest with you guys here, that it wasn’t an instant bond for me this time round. I think the overwhelming feeling of being a mom of two children on top of having two businesses to run, I was feeling very scared. And I was feeling very weak still with the stitches, I was walking so slowly, I was staining the bed with blood stains, and I was uncomfortable the whole time. On top of all this, they still expect you to breastfeed and care for your child, regardless of how you felt. It’s hard being a mom. I cried myself to sleep that first night but I didn’t let Dean see this.
I didn’t want any visitors apart from family members, the FV team, and my best friends.
Toots came in the middle of the night, straight from the office.
But still, I tried to be strong and always told myself to stay positive and be grateful.
Our first family photo
The next morning after delivery
All bundled up
As soon as we got home after discharge, everything changed 180 degrees. My mood instantly returned to normal and being in a happy and familiar environment, I started to bond more with Mariam. I was just so happy to be home with my complete family again. But I had my off days too. Like when Daniel would beg me to play with him, but I couldn’t move much because of the stitches and carrying him was off-limits because my body and uterus were all still so weak. Or when I wanted to rest when Mariam finally sleeps, but that’s when Daniel would come in and go “Mommy, play, Mommy, sing, Mommy, this and that.” So there was just no break, which is a huge difference for when I had just Daniel during my first confinement. I had plentyyyy of rest then.
Trying to adapt to having 2 children was something strange and new to me, so it was difficult in the beginning. I think I took it quite negatively in the first few days, which is something I’m not proud of. But everyone learns through their own journeys and the most important thing is to come to realization quickly and not pamper yourself in self-pity. I also learned that no labor experience was the same because I kept trying to compare how easy it was during Daniel’s birth. No two children are the same. Each is a new journey.
I bounced back quickly and of course now I’m obsessed with my little girl. I began to appreciate every little bit of her and she really was and still is a very very angelic baby, with not much fuss and she even sleeps through the night!! It might have been a rocky start for us two, but I’m so thankful that I bounced back into Loving-Mommy mode shortly after and not drown myself in postpartum depression.
Because if I did, I wouldn’t have seen how amazing Mariam is. She’s just wonderful, this Mariam Iman Shah. My beautiful little daughter.ย I still get all tingly when I say that. Hehe. I thank Allah swt for this precious gift from above and pray He guides and teaches me to be an awesome mom for Daniel, Mariam and any future children we may have in the future.
For now, we girls have to stick together, Mariam!
This it totally random, but Thank You to the both of you whom have become such an inspiration for teenagers and young adults (like myself) everywhere by showing us that one can have both a successful career and also start a family unit that looks just as successful if not better. I wish you both the best in your lives here in this world and in the hereafter insyaAllah.
..(Does Dean wear his Sayfol t-shirt EVERYWHERE he goes? If he’s short of an Imperial hoodie, just let me know and I’ll hook him up with one. )
I remember you once wrote that you’ll name your future daughter’s middle name (back then, how many years ago) Iman . Which means ‘faith’. And you really did! Hehe. Such a beautiful name Mariam Iman Shah. May she grow up to be a filial daughter to you and your husband, Amin ๐
Why is it that you’re husband and wife with Dean but you seem so uncomfortable with him? Like you wouldn’t let him see Mariam coming out and would “die”. I mean, he is your husband and pretty sure he is not gonna make fun of you rite. You’re okay with people you’ve never know to look at you but not your husband? So what’s with Mariam coming out and so shy about not letting him see?
Cammy is probably single. Would you let someone u fancy look at your V with a baby coming out? Of course not. And if a marriage is still happy and blissful, it is probably because u still fancy each other. Just because you’re married you shouldn’t share every disgusting thing e.g. farting, picking your nose, and in this case showing your V wide open with a baby coming out. FYI, other things may come out too in the process.
i totally undrstand what u r going thru..mine was worst..having csect and after just few hours,the nurses forced me to brestfeed my child..and left the baby with me thru the night..imagine that i still couldntt move post surgery and being forced to take care of my child alone..luckily my husband was around but obviously he cant breastfeed the baby rite..huhu…i almost fall into post partum depression and having a hard time to bond with my child because i havent had enough rest pre and post surgery..
Aww. I had the same feeling. Did not straighly bond with my son right after birth. Took me quit sometime i thnk more than a month to be truly connected with him(poor baby, dun get me wrong i still do the mom chores like bfeed, change diapers and all). All because i felt like i dont want to have to love this new baby more than my first daughter kot.. But now i learnt that love can really grows..
Cammy, you’re probably single but I’m single too and when I’m having a baby I too won’t let my husband see the exact delivery. It’s better this way for both husband and wife.
Cammy, nad and Jill, I’m single too ๐ but to each their own hey? If you don’t want your husband to witness the baby making it’s way out of your vagina then more power to you, but don’t put down others who choose differently. It isn’t a competition.This isn’t even the point of the story Vivy is sharing so let’s not take away from that.
Thanks for sharing your experience with PPD Vivy, never would have guessed from your ig photos and uploads, reminds me both that it is okay to feel down as long as you remind yourself to be grateful and bounce back up, and that things on social media are just a snippet of what actually goes on. Have a nice day!
I’m married, and when I gave birth I told my husband not to look over “the other side”. Some people can’t actually stomach the process. I’ve heard of fathers who chose to look beyond the hoohaa and well.. ended up unconscious on the floor covered in … god knows what haahah!
Lol you got me laughing already at the first sentence! Your daughter has such a beautiful name. God bless ๐
Looking at Mariam, I feel like wanting to have another baby..she look so tender and beautiful. MasyaAllah. Congrats again Vivy!
wow.. thanks vivy for your honesty in sharing us the moments of ur labour/delivery..am sure us ladies appreciate it very much.. i’m married but am still putting on-hold the baby making just because i’m not ready to take up the reponsibilities of a mother..partly too because i’m sacred and worried of the whole life changing package.. i salute the ladies out there for choosing to be a mother.. and most respectfully my own mother who is a successfull career woman raising 6 girls (each couple of years apart).. bless all !
I am pregnant with my second, accidently hehehe. And I still cannot digest how to be a mom of 2 on top of a hectic schedule. At times I feel guilty and remind myself to be grateful to have another child. Of course I am happy but still with a lot of panicking and anxiety. So reading your story, made me wonder if I will go through the same feelings. But if I do, it will be alrighg because you got over it as well. By the way, I also won’t let my husband see my huu haa. I’ve conducted too many deliveries and eventhough it is a beautiful process, I will not let my husband see how a baby’s head can fit through the originally small hole. Let it remain mysterious to him:)
i didnt go thru normal delivery as due to health reasons my obgyn advised me to deliver via csect instead. my dh didnt need to go to the other side to see what was happening, he was right by my side the whole time and even then was able to watch everything coming out and going on from where he was sitting! he told me after that he saw all my poop, blood and gooey stuff on the floor but even all that he was still alright. i expected him to faint or barf, but my dh, a true champion (love you baby!), after all that still looks at me the same loving way! hehe
ermmm yeah, i too nearly went thru postpartum depression but thanks to a great support system and best friends, i didnt. alhamdulillah.
love your labor series, kisses to mariam, vivy! she’s such an angel! :*:*:*
Ohh i pulak tak kisah pun husband nak tengok ke tak sebab we both doctors. Masa i dapat vaginal candidiasis hubsy siap tolong insert ubat into my V because i prefer dia yang tengok instead of nurses or doctors lain yang memang kenal i. I is malu with org lain haha
Dear Vivy darling. i don’t know you exactly face-to-face but i call you a darling. And that comes naturally ๐ I have a cute baby boy and the labor journey was terrifying too and the after-labor phase. I was so shocked that it was so painful after birth (i had a c-section). I cried alone and did not show my husband or my mom. I did not feel like the body was mine. I had no control. But now I feel like the luckiest mom on earth to see my baby boy as healthy as ever and to see him smiling. I melt everyday ๐
I prefer Daniel’s labor story. kesian V, sorang2. heih. why didn’t anyone stay with you.(upset) teehee
i feel the same too vivy. my second bby comes too soon. while pregnant i always kept thinking how on earth to manage 2 kids! i’m not ready, I hv to repeat the cycle again, sleepless night, bf, changing diaper, cant eat outside peacefully. i dont know whether i can do this again bla bla bla. but Allah plans is always the best right. He knows u can. women are weak but moms are strong, u never knew u hv that strength, ur kids brought the best in u.
but sometimes i still feel hard to raise 2 kids (my kids 2 yrs gap one 3yrs the other 8 months), it demands ur energy, patience and time. how our moms did it though with 2 je i da downnn.
I guess every normal women will feel like how you were feeling, vivy. It is normal. In fact, I my self experienced post partum depression before when I had my second baby. but Alhamdulillah everything went well.. with my third and fourth baby, I kept in mind that every baby/child that Allah has given us, has their own rezeki. Pernah kan kita baca before, setiap anak itu rezeki? dan janganlah kita rasa takut untuk menambah anak dan meramaikan umat Muhammad saw di dunia ini. Bila masuk no 5 ni, walaupun ada masanya (masa pregnant) I termenung sorang2 fikir, ish biar betul, beranak lagi? macam mana nie? carrier camne? duit camne? nak jaga anak ramai2 camne? terjaga ke semua anak2? atau nanti ada yang tercicir? macam2 difikirnya tapi ingat balik setiap anak ada rezekinya dan buat ibu bapanya. (my no 3,4,5 semua accident bukan plan, errkk..hehehe).. tapi mmg betul. Janji Allah itu pasti. I can see the blessing that Allah give my family and the rezeki and everything behind it and I hope that I can be a good mom to all of them and I can carry the amanah given by Allah to make sure all my children grow up become a good muslim and anak yang soleh, insyaAllah.
MasyaALLAH… what every mother have to go through to get us. ;’) wipe tears.