big scary donut
June 23, 2015Are you the type that would layan your sickness? Like if you have a flu, you’d want to stay in bed all day etc. I can’t, I just can’t. Even confinement I was itching to break the system and go out. The thought of resting when it’s really not anything bad/serious, while your colleagues are in the office working hard… it just seems wrong. I just can’t sit still thinking about what I could contribute to the company instead of just resting at home (which I find makes me even sicker, btw).
But these past few days I have been having really bad headaches. I’ve never had them before and I realise headaches aren’t something you can shake off. Like it actually hurts when you walk or sneeze or cough, and whatever people say to you, you just want them to shut up because them talking hurts your head. It was so bad that I finally agreed to go to the doctor after 2 days of non-stop headaches.
My hair is also falling a lot (normal post-pregnancy but I’m just being a drama queen) so I thought of the worst things already.
Omg please don’t let this be the C word… please don’t let me have the C word, dear God, I was praying so hard in my prayers.
But I was thinking of the worst things already and I couldn’t help it.
Omg I have it, don’t I? What else could it be? It’s because I don’t lead a healthy lifestyle… Omg I need to sit down to process all this…
And this made my headache stronger.
Dean took me to the doctor and while waiting for so long in the clinic, I was silently panicking inside. It’s like you’re waiting for your fate you know? It’s really scary! Dean was going “Will you relaxxxx! Women like to worry too much!” and thinking I was overreacting to it all.
What seemed like years later, we were finally in the doctor’s room. He asked me some routine questions and while he was talking, I blurted out without any self-control or shame.
“IS IT CANCER?! JUST TELL ME NOW, DOC.”
The doctor almost chuckled at my panic reaction.
“It’s highly unlikely. Headaches are actually the last symptoms in a brain cancer.”
OH MY GOD, I’M AT STAGE FOUR ALREADY.
Even though the doctor was sure it wasn’t the C word, I wanted to be sure and asked for a scan.
Going through that big donut, I just closed my eyes and zikir the whole time. Daniel and Mariam came to my vision and seeing them smile in my thoughts made me feel like crying. I want to watch them grow up, I thought by myself.
Waiting back at the doctor’s clinic for the results of the scan was even scarier. What if they find a tumor? What if I’m right and not just paranoid? What if this, what if that… all sorts of thoughts went through my head.
I came in and the doctor smiled at me. “As I suspected, you are just having a normal headache. You have tension headaches, which is due to stress or overworking. And you need to rest.”
But all I heard was, “You are still being given a chance to live, so you better not screw your health up.”
Dean hugged me after all that and snorted, “Typical women! Got headache a bit, think they’re going to die.”
I laughed at his true statement.
But only God knows how relieved I was. I felt like this was a warning to me to have some down time too and not just stress about work all the time. I am starting to relax at home when it’s family time, I hired a personal trainer to start training again (well, Ramadhan I’m taking a break…), I’m going to start juicing and now gadgets are off limits in the bedroom when I sleep.
Even though it was nothing (just me putting scary thoughts in my head), I take it as a serious lesson that health is so so important. Without it, we can’t enjoy life the way we do now. And once it’s taken from us, only then we will realise how valuable it is. Of course, it’s all up to God (even the healthiest people I know still get sick), but we can make the effort too.
To a healthier lifestyle, everybody!
The moment I started reading I already knew it MUST not be cancer or else you probably wouldn’t post it, not too soon anyway hehe. Glad you’re okay! And fyi, hair fall aka alopecia happens as a result of the treatment of cancer and not due to the cancer itself 🙂 let’s all improve ourselves day by day and may this not be our last Ramadhan, ameen!
vivy, i rarely comment here but ur syndrome like mine. after deliver plus working, i also got headache. tapi apa yg shida buat, shida pergi bekam. masyaAllah, langsung hilang sakit kepala. ni bukan nak meniaga tapi seriously u have to try bekam at least once.
Hi Vy, so true about the no gadgets in bedroom thing! At least no blue screens (laptops, smartphones..) around 1 hr before you sleep. Plus I know you are such a hardworker, but you need proper rest. Maybe no work at all after 7pm?
that’s a sign from your body to get a little of rest, vivy 🙂
V take Black seed oil everyday. Just googled it you ll be amazed!
V, I’m one of those people yang layan sickness. I rarely getting sick, so whenever I fall sick, I took it as a sign that I need to slow down on whatever I was doing. . There’s no ending of work, but yes to our life. I hope you can take your time resting whenever you are sick. Take care V..
hai..vy, bykkan rehat inshaa allah semuanya akan kembali seperti biasa..take care dear..
Here’s to a healthy lifestyle. Lets go to the gym. *eh, wait its Ramadan. Next time then* hehehe
Take care, woman!
V,
you need not to stress yourself too much ( although that’s really really hard to do, i know:P).
and loosing hair doesn’t mean one is affected by the C word. It is the side effect to the C drugs, really.
To a healthy lifestyle together!
xxx
ok. don’t forget your vege vivy!
Hye V, as I started reading about the headache, before seeing the scan photo, I’ve diagnosed you with tension headache already. It is very common as we age plus the whole lots of workloads. It shows that you have been neglecting your health and rest time. Sitting for too long in front of the bright laptop doesn’t help either as the bright light causing your eyes to work harder to filter the light and later causing headache.
I myself have this headache when I’ve been working too long like morning till night for few weeks. What I always do and advise my patients is to always listen to your body. When you have pain, your body is telling you to stop whatever that you are doing. Meaning rest, sleep, close your eyes, drink a lot of water, clear your minds, do yoga and pilates as they help release the muscles tension.
Now, if after all these, you still have persistent headache, then you need to further investigate.
Which in your case you investigate first hehehehe. Anyway, wishing you good rest and yes we should never take our health for granted eventhough we cheat few times. Then, we rest again for few days before everything starts all over again. Fast recovery V
so does this means you’re gonna eat greeny stuff like veggiess..ehehhehee.. take care vy
Do jotted down what goes in ur mouth. Some food might trigger ur headache. Msg, caffein, junk food, process food. A home cook meal or healthy food is the best option. And even it it ramadhan, u still can walk every day .. 30 minit is enough. Walk in park, feel the air and tree, not the shopping mall. Bring along ur kids, good bonding time with them. Slot it in ur morning routine.
going into that big scary donut itself rasa nak mati (claustrophobic ok. cannot do anything about it) .. work hard but need to get proper sleep/rest too vivy! if not for urself, at least for the kids ya! they need their mommy! take care ya!
Go vivy!! Juicing is the real solutions here.. Especially with green juicing.. My suggestion kuvings big mouth.. So easy n peezy..
OMG!. You made me all worried too. Since this is the second time you get into this big donut.
The last time you did this is for your back pain haven’t you & remember or not, you were stressed out too at the time thus, it causes the back pain. teehee.(setia baca)
So I could only imagine, you were really that stressed out because of your job’s but atleast you love your work and it really is a piece of art. Go VIVY! she went through all this for us,co-worker and the company that she loves. You must be “Boss of the Year” okay, i’m joking., hehe. Anyway, I pray that God gives you a great health for all the things you have done. Amin..!