a mom’s survival guide
September 20, 2015We usually don’t take both Daniel and Mariam out if it’s just the two of us handling them. It’s always either one (usually Daniel since Mariam is still small), and both if we’re out with our families so there’s a lot of uncles and aunties who can help. But today, Dean and I felt adventurous so we brought both kids out for breakfast.
Start: “Oooohhh we’re going to have so much fun!!” “Yeah, Mommy! I like this, Mommy!” “Brffpttttttt!” “Weeeeeeee the whole family is out together!”
Finish: I was feeling so annoyed at the hot sun, we had to go to the car to put a diaper on the potty-trained Daniel, Mariam was restless and has cried her tears all over my dUCk scarf, Dean and I had to pack our food because we could not even finish it.
I love my children so so much but these are the downsides of bringing them out. I’m just being realistic here, as usual I like to tell it like it is:
Daniel: he is extremely clingy so he refuses to walk and always wants to be carried. So with my handbag, my paperbags of whatever I bought and a 2 year old child, I wonder why I don’t have three hands. He’s also potty trained now so he’ll say “Mommy, Daniel want toilet” and we’ll have to zoom to the nearest toilet. Sometimes he says it a little too frequently just to joke with us because zooming to the toilet and chanting “Dontpeeyetdontpeeyetdontpeeyet” together is just so amusing to him. Once, we ignored his request because we were so sure he was just joking and we ended up wiping the floor of one of the most expensive fine dining restaurants in KL. Only going back there after plastic surgery. So, yes, never take your children’s toilet requests lightly; a lesson for Dean and I.
Mariam: at 6 months, she’s at that very curious stage. Wants to touch everything and puts everything in her mouth. And when you don’t allow it, she’ll cry. LOUD. This was one of my frustrating periods with Daniel too, so I’m back here again with Mariam. They are no longer newborns who lie still angelically, nor are they toddlers who are independent enough to walk. They need to be carried at all times, and sometimes you will question if it’s ok to let your child crawl on the floor (I mean, they vacuum the mall everyday right? I’M KIDDIN!)
For me also, I feel pressured because I get recognised here and there. And just yesterday, I heard a group of girls whispering “That’s Vivy,” and I had stains all over my scarf from Mariam’s tears and Daniel’s snot. And a lady came up to me showing me my Instagram page and asked “Is this you?” before taking a picture with me, while I was holding a crying Mariam. I feel like I need to look my best all the time when I go out, and it’s doubly hard with two kids around AND the hot weather that leaves me sweating buckets. It’s too easy for moms to just say Screw this, I’m going to wear palazzos and a big shirt and a “tudung bibik”, with no make up on. I don’t blame them and I understand why they’d want to, but PLEASE DON’T LET THAT HAPPEN.
Just because you’re a mom, it doesn’t mean you should lose yourself and your appearance. Yes, it’s hard with the kids pulling your scarf in all directions, and your beautiful clothes get stained. But you have a duty to your husband to look good for him, and more importantly, you have a duty to yourself to look the best you can be with whatever God has given you. It doesn’t matter if you’re a public figure or not, but as women, we should always encourage each other to take care of ourselves and our appearances.
I’m struggling but I find these helpful:
Carseats – plonk the kids there and let them cry if they want to. It’s for their own safety and it leaves your clothes crease-free.
Re-iron and re-apply – when I drop my kids off, I take off my clothes and re-iron them since they would most probably be creased on the way. Have a mini steamer in the office. And go to the toilet to re-apply your most probably melted makeup.
Wake up early – well, earlier than the rest basically. This allows you time to shower and wear your make-up. When the kids are up, settle them first, and then only you wear your clothes right before you all leave the house.
Pick out your clothes the night before – once the chaos in the morning starts, you can’t even think clearly on what to wear for yourself. Hence the ugly shirts and big pants. So pick out your clothes the night before after the kids are asleep, in peace.
Bra straps – that’s where you should be pinning your scarf. I’ve been asked so many times to do a scarf tutorial but I can’t because it’ll be me in a bra in front of the camera haha. But yes, basically I pin both ends of my dUCk onto my bra strap so you can pull and yank as hard as you want, but it will never come off. Try it!
Instant hijabs – I’m not a fan personally because I like the freedom to style and wrap my dUCks, but I can’t deny the convenience and time saved. So if this is your style, go for it!
Personal grooming – is a must. Shave/wax whatever needs to be off, and nails must be short or manicured at all times. No black stuff at the corners of your nails please, gross.
Sling bags – or basically bags with long straps. Yes, totes and those cute structured bags are nice, but keep them for date nights. When with kids, you’ll want as many arms free as possible.
Dry food only – nothing soupy please. Even if you crave it, imagine yourself covered in spilled soup that you have to wipe. Order dry dishes for yourself; fried rice, chicken chop, sandwiches.
Snacks – bring biscuits and snacks for your kids to chomp on. One biscuit can probably keep them busy for a few minutes. And whatever ok, every minute you can distract them counts.
Sunglasses – the best way to fake fabulosity. Buy five of them!
Hope this will help! If all else fails, JUST STAY HOME. Your kids can watch the outside world from YouTube. Haha.
And for the record, to whoever has three of more kids and still remain fabulous, I SALUTE YOU, YOU ALIEN YOU.
1 million agree. I seriously respect mommy who have toddlers and baby but still look fabulous. Because of u Vivy, I myself try as much as I can to look presentable everyday. Yes, because of u. Thanks vivy
I feel much better now. I’m one of those parents who brings her 4 month old baby and 2 year old toddler out and about with just the hubby. I feel like a super parent. Hehehe. It’s not that bad actually..
Awww Vivy, you felt relatable for the first time in many posts. I feel you darl, thank you for the tips! I agree we have to look nice for our husbands all the time. No selekeh clothes for me!
vivy, pinning your scarf to the bra strap is actually how the ladies from Royal Malaysia Air Force had to secure their scarf, too. superbly secure, kan?
Agree.
Looking at you looking FAB ALL THE TIME makes me want to be looking good too.
it’s like “how come vivy can look so presentable with two and i look like a dork!
InshaAllah, will do this 🙂
itu kalau keluar berdua dengan husband AND with kids.
at my apartment, i usually saw mom carried her baby and toddler (morning to office, evening back from office) all by herself (husband may be outstation or on different route). may be sending her children to nursery first before off to work. kalau kena bawa pergi kedai lagi la. that was a tough one.
hahaha..this is freaking funny.
you r one of the alien vivy.. u do look superb n still handling 2 babies.
omg vivyyy hahahhaa! i wish you all the best in handling those two! my mum has 6 kids and i do not want to know how she manage us all! You can do it vivy! 😀
Honestly, I feel this blogpost is condescending towards all mothers, regardless working moms or stay at home moms. I agree with the “not losing yourself” part, but come on, you sound as if you are so irritated at looking at women who wear sloppily (big t shirts, palazzo pants). That is pretty superficial. For your information, not every woman is as privileged as you are, having an army of helpers (personal driver, housemaid/nanny, two mothers on standby to babysit your children). I am a full time working mother myself. I have a 9-5 job, handling the household chores all by myself, no help from mom or mil whatsoever, exclusively breastfeeding my baby still and honestly, the last thing I can do is put make up on and worry if my husband doesn’t find me physically attractive. If my husband ever dares to complain about me not looking sexy or physically attractive I will shout at him to just live a day of my life and ask him to develop a muscular attractive body to please my eyes. Yeah men have to maintain their attractiveness too, not just the women to them.
I try my damn hardest to find 30 mins for exercise (at least 3 times in a week), I cook lunch and dinner during the weekends and store up, to be eaten throughout the week. Keeping myself in the best of health and being fit, providing home cooked meals for the family and keeping the house clean takes up ALL of my time.This is far better than worrying which top to wear and which pants/skirt to pair up with or if my mascara doesn’t look right. oh jeez, so many problems, how worrying.
Instead of attacking all sloppy looking mums out there who work their butts off taking care of their children themselves and the family, why not encourage and give them a pat in the back.
Good on you for being able to juggle a successful career, having two beautiful children and an adoring husband, and still looking like a million dollars.
hahahaah vy! I can imagine u in those situations. ???? so anyway, been there done that. Lucky me that my youngest is turning 3 next year and my elder is 6 and 5, they can walk on their own it’s just that they like to run all over the mall and restaurants (together with the little one). U know what, we always end up packing the food sbb tak sempat nak habiskan. I cant imagine having number 4 but deep down, i do want it. ????
Thank you for this post. You are truly an inspiration to many mothers out there..
But I beg to differ your statement below :
…”you have a duty to yourself to look the best you can be with whatever God has given you…”
I’ll email you personally when I have the time.. 🙂
I love posts likee this. I have 2 coming 3 kids.. and only lately am i able to dress fabulously for some reason. Im pregnant with my third and people always wonder how i still look so kempt. I just really feel like just because youre a mom and pregnant some more, you still don’t get the wild card to dress frumpy and ugly. Nope. It’s not an option. You should always be able to look ahmazing when you step out. I always refer back to your posts forever ago, you mentioned that we should always look nice, dont walk out wearing shirt that has holes thinking no one would notice, if youre wearing a scarf make sure to iron before we go out of the house. I live by this for a long time. Thanks to you!!
Plastic surgery tu lawak ok haha
i thought i am the only one that pin both my scarf ends to the bra straps :p
i love you woman! you are amazeballs
i purposely bought few “Tudung Bibik” because it is so convenient when you are outing with babies with no stroller, meaning that you carry ur baby the whole time. Senget sikit, senang nak baiki, boleh jd cover utk breastfeed. it must be black or dark color so that it is matching to all my dress. But i have to admit, it does not look attractive or fashionable hahaha. i ll wait till my baby can walk and run, so it will be my husband’s turn to carry him around and i ll be back to my non “Tudung Bibik” tudung.
The most scary part of being a woman is being sloppy and grumpy at the same time.
Yep. Kinda agree on how we need to look good for the husband. A few months back my husband started to complain on my appearance at home, specifically wearing kain batik.
Dang.
To those who feel offended by some of Vy’s statement, just take a step back and relax. Please take this post positively, she ENCOURAGED us to take care our appearance. And thats what women should do, encourage and support each other, in a contructive manner.
If you feel that you are working really hard to take care of your family and not to care much on your appearance, then it is your choice. i dont think anyone will judge you for that, but to have someone give u a pat at the shoulder for that? Come on.. thats not contructive at all.
I have no maid, work 9-5pm and my husband was too busy at work so i pretty much have to manage my son on my own, and more often than not, resort to a very selekeh look. But I found this post truly inspiring and motivating for me.
So please, not every thing is about you and no one is going to judge you.
Christine, if you don’t like it, stop reading her blog. Nobody is forcing you to read her blog. It’s her space, let her rant all she wants….get your own blog and rant there…
I get what you mean, Christine. Not every woman is as lucky as Vivy. But I still applaud to her amazing efforts to look fabulous. She’s a public figure. So her role as a mom clashes with the other role as a celebrity. I guess she simply has to take care of both sides. I wear what I comfortably wear. And simply wipes any stains with kleenex when needed.
baby carriers Vivy! Saved my sanity when out and about with 2 kids (toddler and baby) ALONE. It can be done! (sans the high heels tho)
Kudos to you, Christine. I’m sorry but I have two children and I have never have any helped, went back to work when they were 10 months old and done 50 hours week. If we are talking about sexual equality, we need to sound less self pity. Just get on with it!
come on la. babywearing? vivy? memang takla. nanti nampak selekeh
im one of those moms that dont have any choice but to bring all my kids everywhere I go because I’m maid less. I have 8yo, 4 and 3 yo girls. It takes practise, guts and tonnes of patience. Sometimes ppl can hear me screaming at the parking lot (I live in a condo) when strapping my kids and loading the strollers, bags (few of them) and other stuff in the hot car park. But that’s how life is for me. So now if I feel like I want to go to a mall with all of them, I can. But of course with a lot of planning and patience. Good luck and well done to all fabulous looking moms with many kids.
Yeah we should look fab for our husband only..but we need to dress up decent too in front of others…i like wearing lose shirts and pants/jubah when i go outside.
When i read Christine’s comment im not sure whether she is being kind or malicious or just plain envious of vivy. FYI, im a FTWM, i have 2 kids under 2 years old, i have no maid or helper or nanny.. just 2 mums helping to babysit when Im out to work. I do most housework myself, laundry, change my own bedsheets, sweep, washing and sterlising bottles, pumping milk and did i mention im exclusively breastfeeding as well? Save for the occasional part time maid who comes to sweep and mop the floor every forthnight, I am KNACKERED most nights. Truly tiring. BUT I realised the importance of looking good for the husband. I try my best to make sure clothes are up to date, hair and nails are kept well yada yada. Its called being presentable and pleasing to the husband’s eyes. Its pahala u know for us Muslims to look good and fresh. Yes Vivy is lucky, its her rezeki after all.. But i feel lucky too, cos my husband helps out a lot with the kids changing diapers, bathing them, playing and entertaining them, waking up at night when they cry (he lets me sleep through).. how many husbands actually do all that? So in return, why dont we please husbands too by looking good for them? Win win 🙂
I find this post inspiring and motivating too. I love it when women encourage other women to be the best they can be, and even share tips, knowledge and experience on how they’re managing to do so.
To Christine, no where in this article did i find anything on Vivy ‘attacking sloppy looking moms’ nor sounding irritated at them. I guess we see and read what we want to. I only see words of encouragement and support that we women should try to look the best we can, taking care of ourselves aside from working hard to take care of the whole family. I believe there was a previous post before where Vivy applauded all working mothers and stay at home moms for being able to juggle everything at home.
I personally know mothers who work full time, do not have helpers, come home and make dinner everyday, bake cakes and cookies and even have side business, and are still able to maintain their appearance. You dont have to apply tons of makeup nor worry too much about which top to wear with which pants (lets leave that headache to supermodels and celebrities), as long as you look the best you can and dont feel sloppy nor frumpy it will shine through. If one person can do it, so can the rest of us. But please dont ask for a pat on the back when its your choice to not take care of your appearance.
As far as this article goes, words of encouragement and support means that she cares about us. And thats what friends are for, even if we do not know each other in real life. So, thank you Vivy, i dont know u personally but have always been motivated by your posts. (and sorry for the lengthy post!)
-e-
sorry but I have to agree with Christine. And please don’t tell me to go create my own blog and rant there and stop reading this blog if I don’t agree with the thoughts. Not like I feel the need to explain but for those who were wondering, this appeared on my fb newsfeed and as a mum, I just clicked to read what a fellow mum had to say. Now of course help is always appreciated and I don’t think you are any less of a mum if you have nanny’s or helpers cos hey if you can afford to..why not. Of course not many of us can and for that some empathy is always appreciated. If I want to look good..its for me. Excuse the feminazi statement but wanting to look good for your husband when you’re dealing with children swinging of your back while your breasts are leaking while at the same time trying not maul them is a bit of a stretch. Don’t look down on women that can’t keep it together. At my ante natal class, my midwife even said that she’s more worried about the mental health of the mum who has it too together cos she’s obviously putting in too much effort to hide what she’s going through.
Basically all I’m saying is. Embrace it all. Being a mum sucks, kids are assholes. Yes they are the apple of our eyes and I can’t live without my child. But if you can’t look or perfect all the time.that’s fine too!! Like Beyonce said..flaws and all..don’t judge mums..esp when you are one. We all just want the best for our kids..screw the rest
Thank you Vivy for the tips! Love you long time!
I think baby carrier saves a lot of burden, but I’m one of those mums who are yet to use them simply because they weigh too heavily on my body. Used it for one time and gave up after 2 hours – too heavy! Is it because of the weight of my baby or is it the carrier I wonder 🙁 Any suggestion?
Thank you V for the reminder!
hi vivy! anthoner post i love 😀 i’m a full time working mom with a 6yo and 2yo twin girls with no helper/nanny zilch. it’s just me and my husband with 3 kids day in day out. what you wrote there basically sums up what my husband and i go through EACH time we go out. grocery shopping is worst! hahaha. after sometime, we learnt the tricks on what work and what doesn’t. also learnt what patience and teamwork really is. hehe. yes, i too agree that we women, whether a public figure or not, should always encourage each other to take care of ourselves and our appearances. thanks dear. i’m pinning both ends to my bra straps now. hehehe!
what i want to know is how to we pin both ends of a scarf to bra straps? which end?if we pin, how do we style it then?
sincerely unimaginative me
Thanks Vivy for your rants and tips. Finally, you sound relatable! Haha.. Neah, just kidding. I totally understand that as a public figure, you feel the need to look good all the time. Especially so since you’re one of Malaysia’s most recognized fashionista/hijabista! let me just congratulate you and say that you look absolutely flawless. Love reading and seeing your pictures on Instagram. Not enough to turn me into a swan, though, but being happy for others makes my day as well, so it’s nice ????
I thank God I’m just an ordinary mom of three who works, sans helper, in a field that doesn’t really require me to look all glam. You’ve inspired me to try to look better. I have already sacrificed wearing my contact lenses (now, no time! Haha) but I kinda like the old school glasses I’m donning now, so this image stays. Will definitely try harder on the wardrobe department.
Cheers!
I sort of agree with christine and shaz too.
I am someone who puts in effort dressing up but honestly having kids, it proved to take up a lot of time.day in day out,priority is always on getting the kids ready to school,making sure everyone’s tumy is filled,trying to arrive work on time (both myself and my other half),getting the house to look decent and neat and weekends, no time off ok.you can simply leave your kids…haha. normal mothers might even take shower/ pee with an audience!
Some of the tips given are quite obvious but somehow not manageable…LOL..ofcourse you have helpers around but that your rezeki. 🙂 I dont but hey thats fine. Husband will have to accept the fact that women are not born looking glamorous and perfect all the time, efforts are definitely needed. He complained too at times but he knows I made extra effort whenever I can (which is 3-4months once, the only time I get time off because I have to attend some formal office/fancy kenduri function where kids are not allowed). Till the day the kids grow bigger, I am contented with tudung instant (to the malls)/ tudung bibik (to the supermarkets/mamak), baggy clothes (it covers the aurat too LOL), and my au naturel face.I suppose some women needs to put priorities first and doesnt have any other choice. 🙂
Thanks anyway for the encouragement!
Kenapa tak pakai stroller.. works for me everytime. I need my strength and health to do other things.. if kids nak dukung gak i give it to the father. Take care of urself juga ye.. about the stroller juz my 2 cents.
Saya pakai seluar palazzo, blaus Dan tudung bibik (however you define it) tanpa makeup setiap Kali keluar. Pada saya yg paling penting kemas, bersih dan praktikal. Saya rasa tak buruk atau selekeh pun. Erm n no, I don’t want that idea of bothering too much about my appearance just to please people seeps into my head. Hehe..and I pray one day you will be free from that too. Good luck vivy.
Hey i have an idea vivy, why don’t you get in touch with Christine and help her find herself. She sounds really tired and lost in her daily grind. A lot of women want to look good but they just dont have the time. It would be nice if you could style busy mothers like her ????
I think we should rephrase it, we as a woman, must be presentable and good looking for ourselves first. If we put our husband as the main reason why we have to look good, then we will feel like our husband is demanding too much from us. This is our body, be fair to ourself, take care of our own body, that is our responsibility too. If we start to have that mentality, everything else will follow. Its not easy, i know, but being woman is never an easy job..
Just wanna say u inspire me, vivy. in so many ways. i pray for Allah to always bless u and your beautiful family. much love from me.
Being presentable & glamourous is very subjective. I think vivy is just using palazzos, big shirt and tudung bibik ensemble just as an example for her as not being presentable, but if it is to you, then so be it hehe. Coz it is to me, and myhusband approves of my outfit and most importantly I feel good wearing it, so the rest is not important. I am A SAHM and the kids are with me majority of the time and yes, i still find time to put on minimal makeup (lipstick, powder & eyeliner- 5 mins tops!) whenever I go out (even just for grocery).
As long as you yourself are happy first and hubs approve, nothing else matters kan?
I love this post Vivy! Thanks for reminding us it is our duty not just to our husbands but to ourselves. We used to remind our mom not to only look good for her friends (like weddings and dinner functions etc), but for our dad and also her kids. It’s important that women always make an effort, no matter how “tired” you think you are, if you can still walk and have arms, put on that blusher or lipstick at least. I always tell my sister too – Always look your best! you never know if you’re going to see your ex hahaha. Whatever works for some people.
Salam.
Im a mother of 3 (8yo 3yo 6mo energetic boys). Working. BF exclusively all my babies. No maid/nanny. Actually i bring my 6mo son to work. So i do feel some of the ladies defending their ‘selekeh’ or ‘literally effortless’ looks. But I gotta say. Putting effort in looking good is never a bad thing. Doesnt matter if its for yourself or ur husbands or maybe to an event or kenduri. Whatever drives you. No need to get offended. If being too put together makes your mental health questionable and so does looking like a mess.. but you knw what. People from the outside can judge us however they want. As long as we are happy and doing what we feel we want the way we want it. Who cares really. Its true that we are not a celebrity like vivy. With cameras pointing at us from every angle. But the lenses (eyes) from the people that we love around us are. And thats what matters.. ud be lying if it wouldnt make u feel good if ur husband or son praises the way you look?? So whats the harm right?? Think positive..live positively.. and positive things will come to you..
Wsalam
Bra straps! Omg I thought I am the only one in the world who does that! and I’m not even a mom (Yet. haha)