outside daniel’s room

Daniel’s really the cheeky little fella who makes all of us smile in the family. For a 2-and-a-half-year old, he speaks really well so he can converse with you and when you say something that doesn’t make sense to him, he’ll go “Huh?” and thinks about it like an adult. Every morning, I’ll find him next to me and before we get ready for work/school, we’ll always have a little cuddle and tickle. His smile just lights up everything and is the best start to my day.

But he’s also at that cheeky stage where he gets a little naughty. Now, he has this habit of ignoring you when you call him. He obviously can hear you, but if he doesn’t feel like answering you, he’ll just hum and block you out. Which is super annoying. And he also finds it really hard to say sorry. If he does something wrong, he refuses to say sorry. It’s bad enough that that happens at home, but he also does it to other people which gets worrying because it’s really rude.

Tonight it happened and he ignored Dean when Dean called him repeatedly in the car. Dean asked, “Can you hear Daddy?” and Daniel just ignored him continuing whatever he was doing. When we got home, Dean told all of us to go to sleep since it was late. We all walked into the master bedroom like we normally would but when Daniel came in, Dean told Daniel to sleep in his own room. Since Daniel was naughty tonight, he doesn’t get to sleep with us. Dean talked to Daniel nicely and explained this and Daniel stood against the wall with hands by his side. He looked at Dean with his big sad eyes and said, “But I want sleep here, Daddy.” Dean shook his head and said, “You cannot sleep here tonight because you ignored Daddy just now and didn’t say sorry to Mommy.” (Oh forgot to mention, Daniel hit me jokingly and we’re trying to teach him hitting is bad).

Daniel looked at me and came to me, “I’m sorry, Mommy. I’m sorry.” I hugged him, my heart broken looking at him so sad with tears in his eyes. He hugged me back and kissed my cheek.

“Ok, come Daniel. Daddy will take you to your room,” Dean said, all calm but firm. I know it’s killing him inside too but he has to be a father.

“Please Daddy I want sleep here,” Daniel’s voice all shaken and in tears.

“No, I want to teach you a lesson. You will remember this; if you don’t listen to Daddy and Mommy, you don’t get to be with us. Come, I’ll take you to your room now.”

“No, please… I’m sorry, Daddy.”

“I know, Daniel. But I still have to teach you this lesson.”

Daniel looked at me and I looked away because I could feel my tears forming. Oh gosh my heart aches. I get what Dean was trying to do and we have to discipline our children or else they will become spoiled brats who get away with everything, but mannnnn it breaks your heart!!

He walked with his dad to his room, head down obviously learned his lesson. And didn’t say a word but I could tell he was scared. I followed them and when Dean closed the door, he told me not to come in. Dang it. He knew too well I would hug and kiss Daniel and tell him Mommy loves him bla bla.

So I’m now sitting outside writing this, tears in my eyes. I feel like my heart is broken into pieces when I remember how Daniel looked at me just now, wanting me to help but I didn’t. I’m literally on the floor outside of his door, listening to Dean calmly telling Daniel why he’s doing this, that it was not nice to ignore people and not say sorry when you do something wrong. I appreciated Dean actually telling Daniel why he’s being punished instead of leaving Daniel clueless and feeling confused. Hopefully Daniel will learn from this. But let’s be real, this is going to be the first of many punishments. Boys will be boys and I know I’ll be facing a lot more of this, especially when he’s older.

But for now, I just want to hug and kiss him and tell him Mommy loves him. I feel like taking my pillow and sleeping on the floor in his room just to be there with him (I probably will end up doing that tonight). By the way, when I got out of the shower later that night, I caught Dean looking at a photo of him carrying a laughing Daniel. #nakactmachokonon

:(((((

Being a parent is hard.

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Mommy’s little boy.

19 Comments

  • March 27, 2016 - 11:42 pm | Permalink

    Oh no Daniel…. So kesian :((

  • Sue John
    March 28, 2016 - 12:34 am | Permalink

    Oh I so understand that attitude and the punishment and the broken heart :((( We have a 7,4 and a 1+ year old boys and mommy gets a broken heart almost everyday.Being a parent is never easy but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in this world 😉

  • March 28, 2016 - 1:05 am | Permalink

    Hi, Kak Vivy. This was such a heart-wrenching post and the truth of your words on being a parent serves as a reminder to many. I admire your strength and perseverance not just as a career woman, but as a mother in this fast-changing world.

    You may have heard this so many times, but I thought it would be nice to let you know that you are an inspiration to many young girls around the world, including myself.

    Stay strong.

    Fifi x

  • Nur Almaz
    March 28, 2016 - 1:37 am | Permalink

    Awww, even reading this breaks my heart! And I don’t even have children! Hahaha 😭😭

  • AA
    March 28, 2016 - 8:02 am | Permalink

    Mashaallah beautiful family. You made me cry! I remember reading on parenting article which says you have to do what you promised to do or otherwise kids will never trust you and every they’re being punished you have to explain it to them. You guys make a great parent. Inshaallah. Growing up with 7 siblings was hard for my parents to make sure we got all the attention we want from them. But my dad always reminds us ; family that sit and have dinner together and solat jemaah together Inshaallah stays together. He he.

  • Alyaa
    March 28, 2016 - 8:52 am | Permalink

    Bagusnya Dean. You both are good parents.

  • Hidayah
    March 28, 2016 - 9:30 am | Permalink

    Dear vivy,
    My son is the same age as daniel. Reading your post made me feel like it happened to my son. You are both great parents, but he is only 2yo. Every show of defiant is a cry for attention. May Allah swt guide us all in the right direction in raising our children to become great leaders and a better human than what we are capable of. Love. Simply love.

  • March 28, 2016 - 9:41 am | Permalink

    oh God, Dean so kental whereas im not. yeah, being parent is hard

  • Dhia
    March 28, 2016 - 12:02 pm | Permalink

    Parenting is tough kan..we the mothers usually akan nangis…but we gotta make sure our kids learn from their mistakes..its hard i know..we can face this Insha Allah

  • Aliya
    March 28, 2016 - 12:57 pm | Permalink

    you guys are doing it right. good job.

  • Ayu
    March 28, 2016 - 1:17 pm | Permalink

    Hope sangat dpt jumpa daniel and mariam. They both are soooooooooooooooooo cuteee. Hari hari check blog akak kot kot ada update pasal daniel and mariam. Kiss them for me :*

  • m
    March 28, 2016 - 4:23 pm | Permalink

    V the best way to teach kids to say sorry is by saying it to him. Every single time. ‘Sorry Daniel, time is up’ ‘ Sorry Daniel we have to go now’ ETC.

    Kids will always.. always ignore our advice. have to show by example

  • Bonda
    March 28, 2016 - 10:57 pm | Permalink

    Owhhh… cian daniel kena tido sorang2… 😢… mesti daniel takut tu 😱… baca doa tidor ye daniel… nanti bangun baca doa bangun tidor pulak…

  • Iman
    March 29, 2016 - 8:37 am | Permalink

    Woah…Dean try to change from soft-hearted daddy to macho daddy…hehe..well done!!

  • March 29, 2016 - 12:32 pm | Permalink

    Good job Vivy and Dean!
    I wish I could do the same..haihhh

  • March 29, 2016 - 2:33 pm | Permalink

    Wow. I thought that Dean will be in tears too. Parenting is absolutely tough. Sometimes, we’ve to be firm and it really breaks your heart. I’d cried many times for being firm to my children. It’s actually good to teach Daniel a lesson. Keep on doing the same method when he made a mistake. Later, when he does any mistakes, he’ll automatically say sorry and go to his room. Just let him in the room, he’ll come to you later and realize his mistakes. You can hug and kiss him, tell him that you love him so much. I’ve done this many times and it works most of the time!

  • aneesa
    March 29, 2016 - 9:48 pm | Permalink

    Can I ask, did he sleep alone? Is he ok with sleeping alone in his room? How do you make sure that he’s not scared to sleep alone instead of with you? – need to train my daughter …..

  • Hany
    March 31, 2016 - 2:44 pm | Permalink

    Assalamualaikum Vivy, nice post. You guys are doing it right by being firm with your children from the very young age. As the papatah Melayu, “Meluntur buluh biar dari rebung”. Nevertheless, Im not sure if you already know this but it may help you if you can identify the type of learners your children are. Search “3 types of learners” and you’ll find that almost every young children are Kinesthetic Learners(the other 2 are Audio Learner & Visual Learner). Means they learn from touching, experimenting etc not from watching and listening. There’s this quote “Audio Learners don’t touch the stove when they’re told not to, Visual Learners don’t touch the stove when they see others touch it and Kinesthetic Learners touch the stove but only once!’. All the best to you guys in this journey of parenting. :)

  • April 13, 2016 - 6:26 am | Permalink

    I love the analogy about stoves to the different types of learners!

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