Admittedly, I’ve been so busy these past few weeks. I honestly thought things will slow down after Raya but seems like it’s the same pace *cries*. It’s gotten so bad that there’s not enough things in my fridge and by hook or by crook, I need to get my kids’ milk from the supermarket tonight.
I have an early flight to catch tomorrow so I already planned everything in my head. After work, go to the supermarket, pick up the kids from grandma’s, play with them a bit, then they’ll go off to sleep obediently by 10pm. I needed to sleep early but I want some cuddle time with Dean while we watch maybe one episode of New Girl together, and maybe also go through my emails that have been starred for months. Everything was planned.
Reality? We got home at 9ish – way later than I budgeted. We carried heavy grocery home, one arm carrying our kid. The kids were grumpy and difficult – they went swimming earlier so that must have tired them. Daniel was crying, Mariam was wanting attention too, they both wanted me to read storybooks but different ones and refused to give in to the other sibling. I had bought mangosteens earlier and kept eyeing them on the kitchen counter, salivating – man I’m hungry. Daniel wanted only me to change him into his pyjamas, so I couldn’t go anywhere. I brought him to the toilet to pee but he kept crying saying he wants to pee later. Ish. Finally after what seemed like a year, Daniel slept first. It was already 11pm by that time.
I had heavy makeup on because I had a shoot today so I was dying to wash it. Maybe I can pass Mariam to Kakak for a few minutes while I wash my face. Nope, bad idea. Mariam cried even louder shouting Mi, Mi (this time calling me, not saying Milk. Win!). I brought her to the room, turned off all lights and swayed her left and right, singing to her softly. My tummy grumbled, mannnn those mangosteens. Oh yesssss, her eyes were closing. Shhh shhhhh.
I put her down to sleep. The moment I left her, she woke up crying – and almost pissed off that I abandoned her. She couldn’t go back to sleep anymore so she pulled my hand to walk around in the living room, the kitchen, her room, the toilet. Everytime I brought her back to her bed, she cried. Finally after cuddling her and singing to her, she fell asleep. But she kept opening her eyes to check if I was still next to her. By now, I had given up on my mangosteens.
Finally, she slept. It was midnight by now. I got up and walked to the toilet to wash my makeup. Then Mariam woke up, she coughed, and then pukeeeeee her dinner was all over her and the pillow. Sighing patiently, I changed everything, comforted her and finally she went back to sleep. I went to wash my face, prayed Isyak, and now I’m at my laptop ready to check some emails. It’s now almost 1 am and I have to wake up soon for early makeup before my flight. And I had budgeted to sleep by 10.30pm.
Tired? Oh wow, that’s an understatement.
When I get asked about motherhood in my media interviews, I’m as honest as can be. I always answer that I myself am struggling between juggling work and motherhood and wifehood and social life, there’s just no right formula – you gotta take it one day at a time and know how to adjust. One thing all moms can’t run away from is – things won’t go as planned anymore because your kids will dictate that. I’ve always been on the go, planning my day and following it properly… so adjusting to motherhood, as you guys know from my post-pregnancy blogposts, wasn’t easy for me. I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t as easy for me as it was for some new moms. It’s very frustrating sometimes because your schedule will run, plans have to be canceled, you really won’t get much sleep anymore and when you come home from a long day, you still have to put on Mom hat and have energy to jump around with the kids. That’s why I joke to my single friends who say they’re tired, that at least they get a good night’s sleep! Parents don’t have that luxury, usually. Well, at least not Dean and I (Mariam cries every night making us super groggy every morning). At the same time, I get annoyed at people who use their kids as excuses for not getting things done. Because I never do that. If I have a deadline and I have to stay up till 4am, I’ll have to and I won’t whine about it because it’s not my team’s problem if my kids won’t sleep early.
I love my kids so so so much, but the truth is it’s not easy being a parent (dad or mom). You have to juggle and not have enough rest, at the same time, you can’t use your kids as excuses and you just gotta finish it like the rest of your single colleagues. So I just wanna give a shoutout to all parents out there, HANG IN THERE WE’LL MAKE THEM TAKE CARE OF US WHEN WE’RE OLD. I’m gonna make Daniel and Mariam read me a whole novel before my bedtime. Forget short stories… choose the really thick novels.
No but seriously, Jannah is our reward if we do this right. That’s really really reallyyyyyyyy cool, guys.