my friends don’t do it
October 1, 2016
So today Daniel and I had a meal and I asked him to say Bismillah before eating. He usually would automatically, but today he didn’t.
“I don’t want to say Bismillah, Mommy.”
“Why not??”ย
“Because in school, my friend Hayden doesn’tย say Bismillah.”
Uh-oh… the challenging part of motherhood has started for me i.e. influence from other friends!
You see, I never wanted Daniel to just get to know Muslims and Malays only. I want him to develop self-confidence to speak to anyone from any country and race and religion, and for him to know that there are other people of other cultures and lifestyles in this world. So I like that he gets to know international children. At home, I get him Islamic books, I tell him about Allah swt and how Allah swt created all of us etc etc, but I don’t know if he understands what I’m saying since he’s only 3!
I’m sure Mommies out there have been through this.
What do you do when you child is influenced by his friends in school? And how do we ensure they stay true to their roots while wanting to be global-minded? #kiasuparenthere
i just be frank with them
I said that in this world there are other people who aren’t islam too, and of course I get questions like “what? but then Allah wont love them, they will go neraka” which I then have to say that its their job then to doa for them, and to be kind still regardless of whomever whomever, omg goodluck!
I think ue should start to give them a reason on every single thing we do like why we should say bismillah everytime we need to start something ๐
You should probably teach him about Islam and the different religions of the world. My opinion is that we shouldn’t impose our own religion to our children. Let children explore and experience the beauty of all religions and let the child choose the one that he or she feels closely towards. Surely with you as guidance he will feel strongly towards Islam one day, with open arms. If he does not, love him regardless. Religion is a personal choice..
There is this video from nouman ali khan in the youtube amaze by quran series; from surah Yusuf; https://youtu.be/jqFWlmlFUrU i know it’s entitled emotional intelligence but somehow this one explains the reality on how adults need to explain reasons in a good way to children. There are others surah foe parenting tips suprisingly related to real life situations nowadays and how to deal with them by NAK videos. Of course other tips are helpful too.
Salam Vivy, I think to keep them true to their roots and most importantly to Islam and Allah, we need to teach them to love Allah. And during an Islamic Parenting talk last time, the speaker shared that each time her son asked her difficult questions about Islam or Allah, she would recite Surah Ta-Ha Ayat 25-28. InsyaAllah, Allah will guide you to answer their questions.
On another note, I recently saw this video on facebook and thought it was brilliant! Do check it out
https://youtu.be/0az8AEmROLg
Yes true.. tell him why we do this and that. Why muslims do this and that.. this will help him understand better. You can always check on Wardina Safiyya’s blogposts and videos on how she handle these matters with her kids. Alhamdulillah, she made her kids do their prayers, wear hijab etc by choice. And she made sure that that is the best choice her children can make -which is being a practicing muslim. Check it out! All the best kiasu mommy ;))
haha I know what kiasu means hihi because my lecturer always said that
Yes; as a mother, we are always worried over minute things with regards to our children. But worry not n fret not. Allah swt is always there. Doa seorang ibu tu kan paling mustajab. We can only wish n doa the best for our children so that they do not go astray from our religion.. Insyallah, berkat from our doa, allah swt will guide them himself. N with regards to influences from the peers, we hv to accept the fact that our kids will always face that in life. Again, we must always doakn the best for them so that allah swt will guide them to make the best decision for themselves..
SALAM MAAL HIJRAH 1438…
*LIMA JARI KITAโ*
1. Ada *IBU JARI* yang selalu berkata baik & menyanjung.
2. Ada *JARI TELUNJUK* yang suka menunjuk & memerintah.
3. Ada *JARI TENGAH* yang sombong, hanya kerana merasa paling panjang.
4. Ada *JARI MANIS* yang selalu jadi teladan, baik & sabar sehingga diberi hadiah cincin.
5. Dan ada *JARI KELINGKING* yang lemah & penurut.
Dengan perbezaan (kekurangan dan kelebihan) yang dimiliki masing2 jari, mereka bersatu, saling melengkapi dan menjadi kuat.
Falsafah sederhana ini memberi contoh tentang bagaimana kuat dan indahnya kebersamaan dalam hidup. Kita dilahirkan dengan segala perbezaan yang kita miliki dengan tujuan untuk bersatu :
* _saling menyayangi._
* _saling menolong._
* _saling berkongsi._
* _saling menghargai._
* _saling melengkapi._
Bukan untuk :
– _saling menuduh._
– _saling menyalahkan._
– _saling merosak_
– _saling iri hati_
– _saling memporak perandakan._
Semua perbezaan dari kita adalah keindahan, agar kita *RENDAH HATI* dan menghargai orang lain, tidak ada satupun pekerjaan yang dapat kita selesaikan sendirian.
Kita terlihat punya kelebihan, hanya kerana orang lain punya kekurangan. Begitu juga sebaliknya.
Tiada yang benar2 lebih bodoh atau lebih pintar, kerana bodoh atau pintar itu relatif.
*Orang pintar boleh gagal.*
*Orang hebat boleh jatuh.*
*Orang kuat boleh kalah.*
Tetapi…
Orang yang *RENDAH HATI* dalam segala hal akan selalu mendapat *KEMULIAAN!*
*BUAT RENUNGAN KITA BERSAMA* Salam Maal Hijrah 1438H
Assalamualaikum,
First thing first, change yourself totally to comply syariah instead (believed u understand what i mean)
Usah terlalu taksub mengejar mendambakan pujian keagungan drpd manusia kerana kita datang dari Allah, hidup utk Allah dan kembali juga kpd Allah, jgn rasa diri terlalu megah dgn kejayaan duniawi yg dikecapi, mohon dijauhkan dari takbur ujub riya’ istidraj dsb, ikhlaskan hati berhijrah dan kembali ke fitrah asal (i mean from zero/jahil about ISLAM N IMAN to completely understood what hukum was all about) alang2 u pun mmg dah terlajak kaya why not n tak rugi pun if go to tambahkan ilmu agama didada, berguru dgn alim ulama’ yg sah, moga Allah pandu dan bimbing kita ke jalan lurusNya, inShaaAllah akan lahirlah zuriat yg baik2 soleh solehah terpilih utk dunia dan akhirat, janji Allah itu pasti. Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin, Wallahul’Mustaan โบ๏ธ
p/s:- just incase, jgn lupa update semua aktiviti bljr mengaji u or etc etc kat semua media social u tau supaya blh jadi inspiration idol to everybody yg adore u, mmmuah!!!????
Vivy takut dgn komen sy kenapa. Why oh why u tak berani nak tunjuk kat semua org
Yes,my daughter also questioning a same question , alhamdulillah dia faham when i explain to her.
Me : Bismillah mean dengan nama Allah swt.
She: why we need to swear allah name? Lily tak cakap bismillah,she dont have allah.
Me: maybe she forget or she doesnt want to say that,or she dont believe in Allah.
She: dia cakap tuhan dia jesus.she dont say bismillah.
Me: so your tuhan is Allah swt so you dont have to say her ‘words’ but you need to respect whatever she believe and respect what i have teach u.
She: she will enter neraka,isnt she?
Me: you cannot said that to her,its so not polite. She is ur friend,no matter what she believe and what you practice,you need to respect,just think about your syurga dont ever think about neraka for now,later i will tell you about neraka. All kids will enter syurga,but for you to enter syurga just follow what i told you to do and remeber Allah .
She: but she dont say bismillah.
Me: okay ,i give you example,i told you to do not eat gula gula too much,but you still want some more, what happened to your teeth now?
She: rosak buruk. Hahahaha
Me:if from early days u listen to me,your gigi mesti cantik kan? Until gigi tu luruh sendiri sebab nak keluar gigi yang kuat .
She: yes.
Me: samalah dengan tak baca bismillah,u tak baca bismillah mean u dont remember allah u dont listen to me,nanti makan sakit perut ke,tak kenyang ke. U need to say bismillah Sampai lah awak dah besar and awak dont need ibu to remind you ,you boleh ingat sendiri when to baca bismillah. For now just follow what i told you,baca bismillah.
She: how about lily,icha kena remind dia juga,
Me: why not,if she dont want to baca,dont force okay. You just do what i told you,because i am your ibu. Always remember,i am your only ibu. Do you love me?
She: sayang sangat tapi kena baca bismillah baru maksudnya sayang ibu kan.
For now she still do what i told her to do with no question why others(non muslim) did not do. But,i dont know if in future there were another questions coming up. Hahahahahahahahah
Salam Vivy, I like how you not only use your blog as a platform for you to share your experiences (in business etc) but also to seek clarifications / advice from your fellow readers.
I’m not a parent (yet) but maybe you can keep telling him that there are different religions and beliefs and we/they do things differently. He might still be too young to comprehend but maybe you can keep reminding him that if he wants to be a good Muslim, he should do so and so and in turn, he will get pahala / Allah will love him. Hope that helps!
On a side note, I’m quite shocked with the way “IRA” responded to your post. Her reply is so arrogant and a little rude. If you’re reading this, Ira, you should have phrased you comment a little nicer. I don’t get why you have to state, “…alang2 u pun mmg dah terlajak kaya why not n tak rugi pun if go to tambahkan ilmu agama didada”. Yes, shes rich, but how is that a problem? And isn’t what shes doing (i.e. asking for opinions / views) a form of “menambahkan ilmu”? And what makes you think she does not have a “proper guru” to guide her religion-wise?
Let’s learn to be gentle in the way we remind others. Janganlah riak sangat in your knowledge of Islam. Plus, your foot note at the end of your comment (p/s:- just incase, jgn lupa update semua aktiviti bljr mengaji u or etc etc kat semua media social u) is just uncalled for.
Just a gentle reminder to those whose kids say that non-muslims will enter neraka: please tell them that only Allah will determine who enters heaven and we ourselves do not know if Hayden or Lily will enter. It isn’t up to us. No need to teach kids from young that for sure all non-muslims are going to neraka. For we do not know what lies in store for anyone. Only Allah does.
Hi “HANEY”, 1 je i can do conclude, u ni mesti suku sakat takpun macai setia or penjilat tegar kpd vivy yusof anak beranak kan. Just in case u tak tau apa makna perkataan2 tu, tolong bukak kitab balik ye. Takpe lah go ahead with yr own choice, takde org yg halang pun????. Moga bahagia dunia akhirat????. Wassalam
Err Ira, I don’t know what is your problem but I am just saying that if you want to advice, you should do it in a gentler way. I don’t understand why this particular post of Vivy’s should generate comments like yours, she is afterall just asking for opinions on how to educate her child.
And let me clarify that I am not “suku sakai, macai setia or penjilat tegar” Vivy. I am just like you, a reader just leaving my two cents worth (albeit gentler).
An irony that you use such words (penjilat tegar, really?) and moga bahagia dunia akhirat at the same time.
To Vivy, sorry for flooding your comments box. Hope you won’t get offended by some of the comments left here ๐
hey there vivy. im a silent reader of yours and this is the first time i commented on your blog. ๐ since this post relates to my son’s… name! hahah. my son’s name is hayyden and probably you would want to let him be friends with my son instead ๐ hahahha. have a good day ahead and keep on posting cause i love reading your stories. ๐
Uncle Freddie Mercury said Bismillah in his song Bohemian Rhapsody, Daniel.
Hehe kidding. The comments were so tense.
Who’s Hayley? Daniel’s new girlfriend???? Bhahaha! Dear Ira, I’m so ashamed that you’re using Islamic words yet your words doesn’t even represent what Islam & Rasulullah s.a.w teach us, to be gentle in preaching. And dear Vivy, just a piece of advice for myself & my dear sisters – Hiduplah untuk mengejar redha Allah & bukan redha manusia nescaya kamu akan bahagia insyaAllah ๐
i would love to know too how i can educate my kids and explain to them on islam teaching.. or anything regarding good values in life since the eldest is as the same age as daniel.
may be my daughter won’t understand yet if i try to explain, but explaining on and on until she understand may help. and kids love to tiru what their parents do.. hence as parents, the best we can do is showing them the good values and practise islam teaching on daily life. ๐
Assalamualaikum, I am a teacher at an islamic homeschool programme. With the little knowledge that I know, here are some advices that I can share with you.
Kids absorb and mimic their surrounding very quickly (as you’ve noticed with Daniel refusing to say bismillah due to social influences).
At this stage in life, what he learns and practices are crucial in establishing a routine of good habits in the future.
My advice is for you to put him in a controlled islamic environment. Questions such asย “who is Allah? What is islam? What does it mean to be a muslim?” can be instilled at this age, this will be a wonderful foundation for his understanding. Being in an islamic community (teachers& students) will help associate himself as a muslim at a very young age and instill good mannerism and habits that is pleasing to Allah. Also, at this age, surrounding himself with muslim friends will help him adopt those habits easily. Such as, being honest and good to his parents, makes him a better muslim in the sight of Allah โบ
At this day in age, there are so many islatmic integrated montessories and kindergartens that uses the British curicculum syllabus. So, inshaAllah there wont be a shortage of excellent options for you and your family.
As for your concerns of him being a global-minded individual, he can build that even in the islamic surrounding (by learning that muslims comes from all over the world and we all unite under the common belief in Allah subhanawataala). As he gets older, he will begin to understand other cultures and religions, this is something he can build over time.
When he gets older, wherever he goes in life, he will associate himself as a muslim, and choose friends that inshaAllah will make him a good muslim. This all starts from providing him with a good foundation and understanding who is Allah and what actions is pleasing to Him (and not just doing things because society says it makes him a “better person”).
May Allah guide us all and may Allah ease your affairs in this world and the next.
Take care love โค
I love comments from KA and Sumayyah. Do good and you’ll be good. Surrrounding yourself with good people then you’ll become one. but Ira also wrote some important points there and hope you can make a note and find good from her comments. my 2 cents.
Hi Vivy..kids are really smart. They observe and think. I used to have these questions frm my boys when they were younger. I told them all of us come from different families hence different beliefs,different cultures. One of our ways to express our gratitude to Allah is by saying Bismillah prior eating. Some friends express their gratitude in many different ways and as a good friend, we have to respect their ways.
Good luck!
P.s To Ira, tolong audit hati awak. Bersyukurlah dgn rezeki kita sendiri ๐
The Question were actually how to cope with ‘friends influnces’ and how to make him be ‘berpendirian’ right? nothing to do with teaching him abt islm cz You already did just that. So , as I could recall, you said something about… how you dont read them bedtime stories like with happy ending and all. Cz u want to teach them that life is not all about being happy all the time. So may I suggest the same method? You could probably find story books that has storyline like –he follows his friends. Didn’t listen to mom, then end up in a bad situation. Etc. Pinochio. Thts how I learnt anyway. Haha. do storybooks with lessons to learn can be it. Maybe books that contain 3 different character doing different things, its not necessarily has to be an islamic book. ๐ Im sure you can
hai vy!
i just had this thought, how bout if u ask this question to your mummy ustazah?
bcs practically your mum had been through this before, and now u r just what u hope for daniel in the future-which is hm knowing ppl from other country, religion,races and all.
bcs i just think that ur mum did a good job raising u this way, yeah kids do rebel and all but hey its what we all did before we find the right path , isnt it?
anw vy, goodluck and keep praying for them kids,
and here i hope they survived this world, along having a firm understanding about islam.
love xx
hi,
agreed with sumayyah. since im a working mom i admit i unable to do all the teaching.(tired and housechores) my son’s teacher kindergarten have done amazing job for my son as he able to read jawi very well and can recite certain surah and zikir. maybe vivy u can call ustazah to come and teach basic islamic teaching for the children
salam Vivy,
I totally agree with KA. Islamic surrounding is really a factor in influencing our child upbringing. That’s why now more and more parents are choosing islamic integrated kindy/school for their children over conventional and there are many islamic integrated school around that you may want to consider. All the best!
Salam Vivy
agree with Sally – just tell Daniel he is a muslim – and there are other religions in the world but at the end of the day all of us created by Allah and going back to him – and the rest who worship other than Him may them be given hidayah one day. Kids are smart – they may look that they dont understand a thing but they do get what are we saying- say bismillah as a way to say tq to Allah – solat as a way to say tq to Allah – say Alhamdulillah as a way of saying tq to Allah, we do all these because we muslim – explain to him about all other races and religions – they will understand why the rest dont do it because of different religious but at the same time Daniel will also know that only one religious is true , tersemat dalam hati – i have 3 kids my self – and though we dont go to international school, other races like chinses and indian are there and i do receive these kind of questions- we need to reply with repetitive answers yet firm and true
to justjas i believe you are not muslim but if you do – religion is not a personal choice,it is a way of life
to ira -subhanAllah – please be kind – May Vivy heading to the full shariah way of life and we – you and me too insyaAllah – you are not saying you are already fully shariah compliance arent you ?
wasalam
IMHO Islamic surrounding at early age is the best foundation. Maybe try slot them in Islamic events/classes as equal the time they spent in school.