the ugly side of me

February 5, 2017 • 7,504 views • 19 comments •  shares

Well one of them, anyway!

I am incredibly incredibly impatient.

Growing up, I would watch my parents a lot. Dad is always busy with work so he has low patience because understandably he didn’t have much time; he’d get impatient if food comes late at a restaurant, if kids make too much noise, if we take too long to get ready. Mom, on the other hand, always wants things now now now, and she’ll be very upset if you’re even a few minutes late. I remember my sister and I making fun of my parents about their patience level… and boy, did that bite me back in the butt. I have turned into them, maybe even worse. Haha.

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I can’t stand when people drag their arguments (say once enough la, no need explain with an essay), I don’t like when people do small talk with me (straight to the point pleaseeee), I get very annoyed when people don’t reply me instantly (you’d hate to work in FV or dUCk, trust me hehe), I rush through meals, and my attention span is worse than a goldfish now (again, let’s not waste time and get straight to the point). With school, I was always in a hurry to finish my papers because I couldn’t sit any longer my bum hurt, I couldn’t wait to finish SPM so I started my A-Levels at the same time. With FV, we got it up and running a month after even the idea, pestered the web guys to do a 3-months task in just 2 weeks, and I would call designers and brands relentlessly until they said yes to me. Heck, even while dating Dean, I pestered him into proposing (*blows nails*) and even through labour, I induced because I was impatient that both babies were taking too long to come out (bahahhaha) and I demanded that my IV drip line thingy be taken out before the recommended time because it was just so uncomfortable.

Oh wow, I don’t sound so attractive now.

I think I’m only like this because (a) it’s just in my nature, my parents said I was a restless child and always rushed everyone (it must have been a real treat raising me up. Bahahhaa!) etc etc, (b) I swear I actually have a lot of work so time is just so precious to me, (c) I work fast and reply work-related matters instantly so I expect the same I guess and (d) I am just that annoying. I honestly think most female entrepreneurs are like this. Correct me if I’m wrong, in which case, I might have to consider self-help therapy.

I think I’ve gotten slightly better though, especially with motherhood. When everything suddenly revolved around the kids, I had no choice but to slow down and adapt.

But the traces are still very much there.

Today, I felt a bit of pain. One that I know needed antibiotics because I’ve had it before. So since it was a Saturday evening, I thought ok la let’s go to the clinic now I don’t think there will be a lot of people. This thing I had isn’t a serious one, it’s just a little itch that would go away in a while. But being impatient, I just wanted the antibiotics to sort it out NOW.

When we got there, I was getting my IC ready while walking so I didn’t have to waste time rummaging at the counter. The itch was getting worse and I suddenly felt so uncomfortable. Gosh I can’t wait to see the doctor. As I approached the A&E section and looked up, I saw soooo many people. Is everyone sick this weekend?!

Dean kept walking towards the counter, while holding my hand. Bless him, his patient soul. But I don’t wanna wait so long! It might be a few hours till I get called.

“Sayang, let’s just go back. There are so many people waiting to see the doctor,” I said.

“What? We’re already here,” Dean scratched his head.

“Yeah but we might be here all day and by then my itch would have disappeared. Come, let’s go home. I need to spring clean my room today. I have plans already,” I said before I realise how ridiculous that sounded at A&E. “I already made plans” hahaha.

“But don’t you want to get better?” Dean asked.

At that moment, I swear to you, my itch DISAPPEARED. Like suddenly, I felt nothing at all and I was back to normal.

“Oh wow I feel better already. The itch is gone,” I told him.

He laughed so hard, “Wow, that easy to cure you, huh? Just put a queue in front of you.”

Impatient level expert. Even my allergies are impatient hahahaha.

But anyway, I don’t like being impatient because it makes me rush through life and not enjoy moments of it. And it makes me less human too because I don’t take the time to indulge in long conversations with others. So yes, going to check myself a bit more and make sure I learn to be more patient! I’m going to be so patient that it’s going to be my middle name now.

Vivy Patient Yusof.

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Now come on, everyone has an ugly side. It’s best we identify it and try to do something about it. If you had one trait about yourself you want to improve on, what would it be?