Sigh. I dreaded this day but it had to come as the life clock never stops ticking.

“Dear Datin Vivy,” – umm yeah I forgot to tell you guys that, honestly never knew how to announce but a few people started knowing, then a lot, then it was on the cover of a magazine without me knowing so yeah, Fadza got a Dato’ but please still call me V or Princess or Your Highness, whichever you please. Anyway, back to the story – “We are pleased to inform you that your precious little firstborn hero genius of the world most handsome wonderful boy who loves his Mommy more than Daddy, Daniel Azim Shah, has been accepted for admission into our school for Academic Year Reception. His first day of school will be this Monday. We would like to welcome Daniel Azim Shah and congratulate him on his admission. We welcome him to adulthood where he will no longer require the love of his mother.”

Ok the words may or may not have been exaggerated, but still I needed Kleenex. First of all, I gave birth to him 5 minutes ago and the ticking clock is just rude. Second of all, I am feeling the “old” genes kicking in because I have a son who is going to “big school” now. Thirdly, they attached a whole list of things I need to buy to prepare Daniel for “big school” and I realise how unprepared I was.

Ok, first and foremost  I needed to breathe. It’s just school. It’s just the first day of school which is the day that marks a historical moment in his life, a day of first impressions, and a day that his friends and teachers will remember him by forever. Just that day, no biggie. I mean, I remember when I went into Std 1 – a boy named S pooed in his pants and no one wanted to be his friend and I’m pretty sure he’s single until today. What if Daniel turned into S because 6-year-old me once laughed at S and karma is a pain?

Ok ok negative thoughts aside. Let’s go through the checklist, I told myself. Stationery, check, bought a whole bucket of pens and pencils for Daniel. Uniforms, check, went to the school mart early to buy. Books, check, even bought extra to show I’m a good Asian mom. School shoes, check, bought 3 pairs to be prepared. *pats self on back* Oh crap, white socks, forgot. Oh crap, do I have to wrap the school books? Nahhh no one does that anymore right? That’s too try-hard as a parent, please.

Ok, the last on the list was the school bag. Obviously his giraffe bag (as adorable as it was, bless that giraffe) cannot make it to “big school”. We don’t want Daniel to be laughed at, now do we? It’s obviously got to be some hunky Ultraman Spiderman kind of bag no? We went to the stationery store Smiggles that sold everything related to school. Ok school bag, school bag, school bag… hmm one with roller wheels or not? Of course not, roller wheels are lameeee, as if the kids aren’t macho enough to carry their own bag. Wheeling your bag to school will get you bullied in the cafeteria. For sure! I mean, this is school, not the airport! Ok, Daniel choose one of those normal backpacks please? Done. Got a nice blue one with weird stuff on them. Perfect for school.

All prepared!

“Today is going to be great, you are going to be the best, we are going to have a great first day,” I told myself as I looked into the mirror. “You are a fabulous mother, your kid is going to be amazing on his first day,” I continued as I put my make up on and smiled.

Fast forward half hour.

There Daniel was, crying and screaming clutching my thigh and tugging on my scarf. “No, I don’t want big school, Mommy. No Mommy don’t go, Mommy.” While I smiled at other parents looking at me. Greatttttt first impression, Daniel, just great. He cried and cried until I left. I would put his photo here, but he will hate me when he grows up, so I won’t.

Haha just kidding.

Of course I will.

I’m sorry your mom is a blogger, Daniel, I really am hehe. 

I hid outside of the class with the other moms. I smiled at them, and they smiled back and carried on with their conversation. “Omg, did you get Mr Andrew as your tutor?” “Oh yes, their break time is at 10 o’clock.” “Of course I’ve prepared sandwiches!” “They have their swimming class on Thursday.” “Ahhh yes, of course I have their timetable already, I’ll share that with you on the parent platform.”  What, The. Fruit. Are. They. Talking. About. I smiled at them again, they smiled back. I grabbed that folded piece of paper from my bag with the welcome message from the school, unwrapped it slowly and read it again to see if I missed anything. I even turned to the back. Nothing there! Hmmm… these moms are amazing, they know everything. I better stand closer and eavesdrop some more. My cheeks didn’t need any blusher I’m sure I was red, feeling so shy that I didn’t know so many things!

I looked at the back of the class where all the bags are lined up.

And there it was, the proof of my failure as a mom. There was Daniel’s very cool big boy backpack. In the middle of a whole row of other school bags…. with roller wheels. ALL OF THEM. Daniel was the ONLY ONE whose bag was different. Oh my god, this lady made her child actually carry the bag on his shoulders! What a terrible mom she is! Ooohhh her bag and shoes are nice though, but terrible mom, I imagine them whispering to each other.

I swear. I swear there’s a forum chat thing that I don’t know about.

“What’s wrong?” Fadza asked as I walked back into the car.

“We gotta go back to that Smiggles shop now. We’re horrible parents, that’s what’s wrong,” as I buckle up my seatbelt grumpily.

Oh, any by the way, all the moms wrapped the school books.

Out of my way, please, I need to go find those transparent book wrapper thingies. And cellotape. And a person who can wrap books.