the day i left them with a stranger
December 21, 2017People always assume that Fadza and I travel with our helpers and we have an army of help with us. Truth is, no glamour squad here. When we travel for shoots, it’s always just the two of us. And especially for our trips with the kids, it’s just the four of us. A lot of my friends bring their helpers and I totally support that – every mom should do you, girl, no one should judge! For me, maybe because I work so much, it sure is nice to be the proper full time clean-poop wash-vomit-all-day kind of parent sometimes, is it weird that I actually crave that nowadays? Haha. Work sure has been crazy so we definitely needed a family holiday.
And man, every minute has been wonderful. The headache, the shouting, the cuddles, the fighting over colour pencils, the bubble baths, there really is no other happiness that can match this. At least that I’ve ever experienced.
But the only thing about not bringing help is that you can’t get alone time with your husband – something I advocate very strongly for every couple to have, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. Because the kids sleep early, romantic dinners at hip restaurants are not possible when you’re traveling, which is obviously a bummer since you only have that one shot to dine at a famous restaurant that you’ve only heard so much about.
We’re in Dubai now and on our last night, we wanted to go to this one restaurant really badly. It’s right downstairs at the hotel lobby. So what about the kids? They’re fast asleep now. Do we go?
We’ve heard so much about this babysitting service thing in hotels. My friends use it, some of our family members use it, it’s apparently really normal and safe. The kids are bigger now so they no longer really wake up in the middle of the night. Plus, the restaurant is just downstairs! I had no trust issues tbh because this was a luxury hotel and I know they have a good reputation with things like this. It was the kids I was more worried about. What if they wake up?
“Don’t worry, ma’am, I will call you immediately if they wake up and you can just take the lift upstairs back to the room,” the kind hotel lady gave me a reassuring smile. “You deserve time alone with your husband.”
Kak Siti never talks like this!
I like this woman already.
Before I said “Move to Kuala Lumpur with us” I had already gotten ready and put my heels on.
I mean, it’s not like I’m leaving them in a cheap motel with some dodgy man. This is a good hotel with five-star children facilities! The kids are going to be fine. Plus, we’ll just order asap, eat fast and run back up.
I gotta admit though, I left the room with a heavy heart and gulped a little. I felt a huge Mom lump in my throat.
We went downstairs and we had to queue for a table despite having reservations (don’t you hate it when that happens?!) so I knew this was going to be longer than expected. Oh, the waiter walked past us carrying juicy delicious-looking steak from kitchen to table… multiple times. Drool. That’s going to be in my tummy soon. Yummmm. Oh wait my kids. Gulp. Mom lump coming again.
Oh stop it, Vivy. They’re just upstairs and they’re asleep!
A vision came to my mind and I wish it didn’t. A vision that Daniel and/or Mariam waking up and seeing a total stranger in the room. Even though she was a nice lady, any human being’s initial reaction when you wake up and see a stranger in the room is to SCREAM BLOODY MURDER. I can imagine them feeling so scared, not sure what to do or say, so they will just cry. And cry some more, calling out for Daddy and Mommy. And looking so confused. Ok Mom lump getting bigger.
Oh but that steak though, look at how that man looks so happy eating it. That’s going to be you in a few minutes, Vivy.
But my kids. It’s different if I told them there was going to be a babysitter beforehand. At least they’ll anticipate and won’t get shocked. But I didn’t do that because we decided to go AFTER they’ve slept. Oh the tears in Mariam’s eyes as she clutches her selimut feeling so betrayed that her parents just left the room, and the fear in Daniel’s voice as he shouts for Mommy. That’s me, Mommy is me.
Ok I can’t do this. Screw the steak.
Ran upstairs and back to the room.
“Ma’am, only 5 minutes dinner?” The lady looked confused.
I thanked her over and over again and when she left, I just jumped on Daniel and Mariam and hugged them so tight. They were snoring, oblivious to what just happened. I could’ve eaten the steak and finished every bit and they still would be asleep, but I know with every bite, my mind wouldn’t be at peace.
This is where I want to be right now: cuddling my babies and kissing them nonstop.
But dayummm, I should’ve at least tapau-ed some steak. Who says you can’t have both, be a good mom AND experience new things?!
Sometimes that Mom lump really takes over our lives and we forget that we moms are allowed to be selfish and do things for us too. We just have to find creative ways to have both! Hehe. We should never judge other mom’s for their decisions. Tonight I realised that hiring a hotel babysitter isn’t something that I’m comfortable with, but I’d never judge another mom that would do it. At the end of the day, you do you! Do what’s right for you as a mom, and whatever it is you do, don’t forget that you’re also not just a mom – you’re an individual who’s allowed to experience life, you’re a wife who’s allowed to have romantic time, you’re a friend who’s allowed to have girly time. So try and always find time for those too. I always make sure I have a balanced life like that! Keeps you sane!
But for me, tonight in Dubai, I chose to just be a mom and nothing else. I work so much that my kids deserve at least that during this trip. They’re asleep and have no idea what just happened, but that doesn’t matter – because just in case they wake up, Mommy’s right here with them.
Can’t believe this is my first post as a fullfledged 30-year old! I want to blog about my 30th birthday but am still waiting for Toots and Mimak to send me the video they made me #thismighttakeayear #rolleyes But quite honestly, I think this as my first post is perfect. 🙂
Hahhahahaha.
It’s true that a mom should’ve her own time but in this case u’ve made a good decision to leave the restaurant and get back to them before they woke up, because I’ve been there and I felt really really sad knowing my mum was going somewhere else (left me) when I sleep. It’s nothing to an adult, but to a kid, it’s a big thing. (or maybe it’s just me bcause im so clingy daughter).
Happy Holidayyyyy!! Have fun there! <3
This is my 1st time commenting after 5-6 years reading PD!I totally can relate, Vivy! This is absolutely moms’ problem!😂 I turn to a fulltime housewife after delivered my 1st born in 2013 and how I long to have dates with my husband. So my husband is the one who has been taking the 1st step planning all of our dates because he knows I wont have the heart to leave our kids with someone be it their grandparents or their uncles. With heavy heart, I was forced to leave the kids (and I vid called/called/checked them whenever I had the chance!). But Im glad that my husband did that. In our 5+ years of marriage, we left the kids 3 times already.(itu pun dah puas berdoa minta anak-anak ok) And Alhamdulillah they are perfectly fine when we see them after the trips 💁🏻♀️ Mommy yang risau lebih-lebih.
This is such a beautiful read. Brought tears to my eyes! This is exactly what happens whenever i leave my one year old with anyone but my mom or husband. *happened to leave her with MIL for 30mins max, came running back home* 😂 Trust issues are extreme in my case 🤷🏽♀️
Lots of love from Maldives 🇲🇻
I’m not a parent so it’s kinda hard to say “I can relate to this…” or “I’ve shared something similar”. But I like your advise of “you do you…” as we all have different approaches in life, and we should not frown upon other people’s choices. I think all of us are already trying our best to be a good *insert your role here* (father/mother/son/brother/sister).
Anyway, since this is your first post as a 30-year-old… you should change from 29 to 30 on your side profile. bahahah!!
A good read Vivy, can’t wait for your vlogs.
Love your writing. Comical yet moving.
Yeah, that mom lump always make me hard to leave our kids too.
Awww. Thats so nice of you vivy. Mom’s sacrifice. Your kids should’ve appreciate this. Hope that they really know how much you love them.
I don’t have kids yet but I’m sure when I do, I’ll be just like you, having that mom lump all the time.
Happy 30th birthday, Vivy. Can’t wait for your birthday post.
leaving the kids with stranger is’nt a good practice unless we have to. But for me i think u made a good decisions by sacrificing ur dream-steak and straightly go to ur kids. If i would be you, i would do the same thing because for me once u bring ur kids along, u need to eat together with them, do something and go somewhere together. Try to create a moment together because there is no point if we bring the kids but eating without them. But again it depends on parents approaches. Good sharing and very good article.
Wallah.. u did it great Vivy! Not only yr kids would love u for this post.. but we, the strangers would also feel yr love from afar. Happy belated birthday.. many more good thgs to come!!
i’m not a mom but this is soo beautiful.. i almost cry… heeeeee
happy 30th rakan sebaya.. may all the happiness be with you
It doesn’t matter your children are 2 yo or 20 yo, the clingy feeling is still the same. I have 21 yo and 24 yo sons, and still can’t wait to hug when I reach home every single day. I’m still feeling worried every time they go out either for driving or riding a bike. This super protective feeling will never end, coz this is what we are, A MUM…
Ouh kak..really touched with this write..you are a supermom..and inshaAllah i believe Daniel n Mariam will grow up to be nice n successful as you are!
yes!! you’re such a super duper power mom i’m very respect at u daniel and mariam will grow up to be nice n they’ll thankful to have such a great mom in their life ..fighting sis
loved it!!
i really like, when u said “Do what’s right for you as a mom, and whatever it is you do, don’t forget that you’re also not just a mom – you’re an individual who’s allowed to experience life, you’re a wife who’s allowed to have romantic time, you’re a friend who’s allowed to have girly time. So try and always find time for those too…
you’re so awesome mom…
you inspired me…:)
hug and kiss
Keep on inspiring us Vivy. You are such a SUCCESS SUPER MOM!
I feeeeeeeel you and what you did was great! Kita mak-mak, kita ada sense tu.