A parcel arrived this week and thinking it was my Pangaia sweats (I’m been buying so many of those, but I need to stop because 1) my bank account is shouting at me and 2) they are not flattering at all for petite girls like me).
I ripped the parcel open and it wasn’t that. I looked at the contents and sat down, quiet.
It was a bunch of Mariam’s Year 1 books that I ordered online from the school bookshop last week. I was in between meetings when I ordered them on my laptop and didn’t think much of it because I was rushing. But now, holding them physically… so many emotions going through my body. My baby is going to Year 1??? Is this really happening? First Daniel, now Mariam?! *looks up* Soon Sarah too, right?!! Stop fastforwarding the time and think we don’t notice!
Just the other day I looked at Mariam’s old videos, her in a cute little kaftan and pigtails saying “No fo-toe, Mommy, no fo-toe.” She hated the camera. But I snuck and filmed anyway, and you’re welcome Mariam because otherwise you’d have no childhood memories. -___-” She drove me nuts as a toddler (she still does, actually…) but it’s always the difficult ones that really steal your heart you know? It’s unfair. She made me cry many times with her stubbornness and Fadza often had to step in and “counsel” the both of us because Mariam refuses to apologise. Saying sorry was one of her least favourite activity.
Mariam’s Hate List
- Dr Musa (the wonderful doctor who gives her vaccine jabs, poor guy).
- Saying sorry to Mommy.
That’s it, 2 things.
Now she’s turned 5 in February. She’s 5, going on 15. And turning into a lovely little lady. She comes to me while I’m reading, and just lies on my stomach. She is the first to run to me “Mommy, you’re homeeee!” and give me a hug at the door (To be fair, Sarah runs too but she has shorter legs..). She wrote me a card recently “Mommy, I love you. You are the best mommy in the family” which I hung up on the fridge door.
I mean, you gotta hang up art, guys.
I asked her why “in the family” only?! And she told me later she wanted to write “world” but didn’t know how to spell it. Naaawwwwwwwwww, staphhhhhh. *blush*
She likes girly things now and keeps saying she has a boyfriend named Jayden (It’s not gonna last. He’s vegetarian.). She likes pink stationery and crafts like making necklaces from beads. Thank you for answering my prayers, God. She likes necklaces now. *wipes one tear* And lately she’s been obsessed with this YouTube channel of this boy teenager that has music videos. I caught her commenting on his video saying “I. LOVE. THIS.” Bahahahahaahaha. I wanted to laugh. Not just because it’s so cute, but because she uses Fadza’s account.
I made her delete it to save Fadza’s life. Hahahah.
But sorry baby, who knows what other “I. LOVE. THIS.” comments “you” have peppered all over the teenage YouTube world. Can’t save you there.
Anyway, back to the Year 1 books. As I clutched them, Mariam came in. In my eyes, she looked like a 16 year old! Stop it, Mariam. Stop growing up so fast.
“Ooooohhh Mommy, are those my Year 1 books?”
No. I should say No. I should tell her the school bookshop is closed. I should tell her school is closed and Year 1 is canceled forever!
“Yep. These are your books,” I said softly, forcing a smile.
“YAYYYY! Can we go through them Mommy? Can I see?” as she took them and flipped through the pages.
I stroke her hair and kissed her head. Whispering “Nooooo” but she couldn’t hear me.
“Mommy, what happens in Year 1? Will I be ok?” she asks me, with big eyes.
“You’re gonna be just fine, sweetheart.” I kissed her.
Mommy, on the other hand, will need some time.,. maybe a decade. :((((((
TISSUE!!!!! GET ME SOME TISSUE!!!!!!