my stanford experience

August 30, 2017 • 28 comments • 28452 views

“You shouldn’t be nervous, you should be excited!” my dad reminded me at the dinner table before my flight.


I had mixed feelings going to a graduate programme in Stanford University in Palo Alto, California. Paid a lot of money to enroll and was going to take in all that I can, but I still felt a little nervous. Leaving the kids left me with guilt but I’m pretty strong in that department. My issue was more on the actual course and flashbacks of shy undergraduate Vivy came to my present mind. What if those matsalehs speak better than me and I get embarrassed? What if they ask me to get up in front of hundreds of students to give a presentation? What if they realize this woman actually doesn’t know much and I tarnish Malaysia’s good name? And the golden question of all, what if they can’t see me because I’m so tiny? I mean, I’m already short in my own country. Now, imagine a country where people are double the height of that tall Malaysian friend of yours. Gosh, they’re going to literally pick me up and put me in their pocket, aren’t they?

you turn off the lights

August 26, 2017 • 16 comments • 27407 views

No, you turn off the light. No, you turn off the light.

Does this conversation seem familiar to you? I guess all couples have this before they sleep. Tired, lazy, and both already in bed. Then, shoot, you realise the light is still on. So you turn to one another and these phrases come out.

“You’re closer to it, go la.”

“But you came in last so you should have done it.”

“If you’re not doing it, I’m not doing it.”

“Ok fine, we’ll sleep with lights on.”

new husband, new baby

August 21, 2017 • 29 comments • 35425 views

As I scroll through my phone photo gallery, I sigh feeling a tad bit overwhelmed. So many things are happening in my life every single day and it’s so much easier to update it immediately on instagram, but I never feel it’s enough to tell my story – I still belong here in Proudduck. I feel like when my kids grow up and want to read about Mommy and Daddy, so much is left unsaid here because I simply didn’t have the time or energy to update my life ups and downs. Excuses, excuses – of course. So I’m going to take a moment, stop thinking about other things and get lost in my happy world of just me and this keyboard. Today, I want to write about friendship.

don’t put your phone away

August 12, 2017 • 35 comments • 32042 views

Have I mentioned lately that I love my kids?

Sighhh. I spent this afternoon spending time with them and I’m just so grateful. We had so much fun together just doing spontaneous things. We watched Madagascar (Daniel and Mariam’s latest craze), we made pancakes together in the shape of hearts and mickey mouse and stars and had fun arranging chocolate chips to make smiley faces, we took a nap, we woke up and drove around the basement for no reason, and we snuggled up to sleep together after reading a book together. All four of us just having no plans whatsoever this evening and just randomly followed whatever the kids wanted to do. I mean, who makes pancakes at 3pm?!

white rubber band

August 9, 2017 • 16 comments • 25693 views

Daniel came back to school this week looking a bit sad and holding a little present. In school, he had a little farewell party for a child that was leaving to go to “big boy school” next semester. Since this term is ending, every parent is required to do a little farewell for their kids when the kids leave (because we don’t have enough work in the office *cries blood*).

He clutched it the whole way home. It was a set of 3 pencils and tied together by a ribbon and made more secure by a white rubber band. There was a stick attached to it that said “Dear Daniel, Keep in touch. Love, Hayden.” and on the other side, “Here is my mom’s number xxxxxxxxx.”